Daddy’s Upset and I don’t know how to fix it. Help!

[ScarletBaby]

I am trying very hard to not miss texts from Daddy and to always respond when he texts me, but I have ADHD and am still working on combating it despite not needing medication for my daily life anymore. He’s so upset that I didn’t hear my phone tonight, and I know I should’ve turned on my ringer when my friend used my phone for the background music that she always needs to have on cause I was using my computer to type up what she found when we did research for a personal project of ours. He got off work and texted me but I didn’t hear, I apologised the moment I saw his texts and explained what happened, but he is still upset with me. I asked if we could talk in the morning after emotions calm down and he said he has had hours to calm down. I asked if we could call to talk if that was the case since he had said he wasn’t sure if I was really ready for all of this with him anymore but he promised not to break up with me over text because that always hurts me. We’ve been together for about 9 months now and I still upset him every time something remotely like this happens. I’m not sure what to do. He just said he was going to sleep when I asked if we could talk since he said he was calm. He said he doesn’t think he wants to talk to me tomorrow either since he’s sure I’ll just ignore him anyway even though I never ignored him. Please help me, what do I do?

[MissPattch]

If you have apologised and explained what happened, which you have, then maybe now you just need to give him some time and space to work through it? When Daddy and i have a misunderstanding, or if he is stressed or upset, sometimes, no matter how much i talk, he just stops listening. If that happens, i try not to push him to talk, but still hold up my side of the relationship. I still follow my rules, and i still send good morning / good night texts, or if something happens during the day that i think he would appreciate knowing. Perhaps showing him you still have respect for your dynamic will reassure him that this is still what you want with him <3

[DerbyNerd]

I’m going to take the complete opposite track. I can understand he might be upset and maybe has some issues about being ignored but you apologised and explained. This doesn’t sound like it’s your fault and it definitely wasn’t intentional. It doesn’t sound like there is an issue with disrespect or ignoring. I think he’s behaving very badly for a partner and even worse for a daddy; even if he’s upset he can’t blame you and punish you for something that wasn’t your fault (not taking to you even though he’s calm, saying he doesn’t want to talk tomorrow either and saying what he did about you probably just ignoring him is extremely passive aggressive).

 

I don’t think you need to do anything to fix this. You aren’t responsible for whatever baggage he has about being ignored and you did NOTHING wrong! He needs to stop acting like a baby and either help you overcome the forgetfulness (you know like how a daddy is meant to help and guide his little) or learn to live with some periods of silence and accept that maybe you’re busy or distracted.

[Kitten&Spice]

Now I am sorry but he seemed completely rude and inconsiderate. Especially when you said that he wasn’t going to talk tomorrow because you would just ignore it. I hate to break it to him but life happens. People get busy and distracted. I don’t think his response was mature and was quit childish. If he knows you have adhd then he should be completely understanding as to why you got distracted. I am not really a fan of him really reacting in such an immature way but if you still want to work with him and everything I would give him time to just think things over and reevaluate the situation.

 

However if it was my choice I would try to leave as soon as you can. To me he seems like he isn’t ready to take on the challenges and efforts to support a little with struggles and to help you grow. The fact that he got upset when you didn’t jump onto a text he sent even when you replied later and explained everything is wrong. He should have been thankful you replied and that you were so willing to make any effort to make up for time lost. That is my take on it. And I am sorry you are dealing with this. I hope it gets better for you.

[ScarletBaby]

Thanks a bunch for the advice everyone. I sent him a response last night reminding him that I didn’t ignore him and I won’t ignore him when I also sent my good night text. I also just sent my good morning text. I’m giving him time and hoping he forgives me. He does understand that when I’m busy I will be less responsive and never expects timely responses during work. I wasn’t working last night and I’m fact got a random day off because my patients apartment AC went out and the mom didn’t want her to stay in the extremely hot apartment since she’s just a 6 year old kid who can’t even move on her own. He is really great outside of these moments of lapsed communication and gives me all the cuddles I could want when we do see each other. I just hope it does work out cause he has been hurt before and that’s why he gets upset when he feels ignored by me. I’m really doing as much as I can to avoid these moments but every time they happen I remind him I’m human and have ADHD, I’m going to make mistakes. He really is great most of the time, I promise, and he makes me feel very safe when we’re together. He just has never been quite this mad before. Granted I took 4 hours to respond this time cause I didn’t see or hear the texts. Thanks again for the advice.

[daddymind]

Yeh I get the feeling there is something deeper going on here than just being annoyed you missed a text. Most people wouldn't be that annoyed/upset by it. You mentioned he has been hurt before so maybe he's a bit sensitive when it comes to things like this. I'm sure it'll be fine and hopefully he'll end up apologising for overreacting... which he did.

Edited July 8, 2020 by daddymind

[ScarletBaby]

I hope something along those lines will happen too but I will admit he doesn’t often apologize for these moments unless I get to the point of crying which he doesn’t like. And even then he doesn’t usually apologize for overreacting or stuff like that, just for making me cry. I sent him a good morning text and another text an hour later saying I hope his day goes well. He did give me a small response to those but I don’t know what’s going through his head. All he said was that he’s okay. His responses are slow and minimal right now so I think he’s still upset. I just don’t know what to do at this point. Part of me just wants to cry but I don’t want to have red eyes before work. I know that some of it is pain from past relationships but I don’t want to continue being held to those standards. I’ve been trying my best to show I’m different. Always responding as fast as I can and always telling him what’s going on. But it’s been about 9 months and he still goes to these reactions when I take a bit to respond, sometimes if it only takes 10 minutes he gets upset. I want to help him get past this pain from previous relationships but I can’t handle this sometimes. I feel like I’m being compared and nothing I do is going to stop it it seems. I keep trying to give him time but, even though I keep saying I love him and I’m trying my hardest, he still doesn’t seem to be able to reciprocate those words or even believe me sometimes when I’m trying to tell him I’m different than his past relationships. I feel like he’s suspicious of me and all I want to do is have us live happily together one day. I just want my Daddy to love me and want to be with me living happily as well. Does anyone have more advice? Edited July 8, 2020 by ScarletBaby

[ScarletBaby]

Daddy said there was nothing to work through regarding last night. I told him how I feel. I’m nervous now though that he’s going to be upset with me again. I feel like I’m being held to some impossible standard when it comes to text responses and like I’m constantly being compared to those who hurt him in the past and actually did ignore him. I hope I did what was right in this situation but I’m not sure. I’m nervous he’s going to tell me I’m not good enough for him. As it is he responded saying I was blaming him when I was just trying to be open about my feelings and protect our relationship by creating discussion. What should I do? I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my Daddy.

[SmolAetherr]

Daddy said there was nothing to work through regarding last night. I told him how I feel. I’m nervous now though that he’s going to be upset with me again. I feel like I’m being held to some impossible standard when it comes to text responses and like I’m constantly being compared to those who hurt him in the past and actually did ignore him. I hope I did what was right in this situation but I’m not sure. I’m nervous he’s going to tell me I’m not good enough for him. As it is he responded saying I was blaming him when I was just trying to be open about my feelings and protect our relationship by creating discussion. What should I do? I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my Daddy.

got to be honest with you here, i've been here and i still sort of am the damage from past relationships still sits with me but you are not his ex's you are you and how is it fair for him to blame you for things that happened before?

 

i think that you need to put a stop to this in some way, it will continue to hurt him and you and then he will go through life thinking he was not the problem when in reality there is no way to deny how this is affecting you

 

as someone who gets irrational fears based on past experiances dont encourage them you dont have to be nasty but you do need to tell him what he needs to hear.

Edited July 8, 2020 by Aetherr

[ScarletBaby]

I tried telling him I felt he was comparing me to his ex's and he just got more upset saying I was blaming him and that this had nothing to do with his ex's. He said that I made those changes and habits on my own and he didn't ask for me to do that when I was doing it to show I cared enough to put in effort for our relationship by trying to avoid those moments that would upset him. I want to have a good and healthy relationship but he won't even talk to me about it now. He practically odered me to drop it. Saying there's nothing to talk about.

[DerbyNerd]

I tried telling him I felt he was comparing me to his ex's and he just got more upset saying I was blaming him and that this had nothing to do with his ex's. He said that I made those changes and habits on my own and he didn't ask for me to do that when I was doing it to show I cared enough to put in effort for our relationship by trying to avoid those moments that would upset him. I want to have a good and healthy relationship but he won't even talk to me about it now. He practically odered me to drop it. Saying there's nothing to talk about.

I know it hurts but I think long term you need to consider if he is actually what you want. I understand we don’t have a full picture BUT some of these things are red flags. Especially the fact that he doesn’t apologise for upsetting you (apologising for making you cry is NOT owning his behaviour, it’s just a cop out). And that he doesn’t like crying!?!?! You’re a little, littles are emotionally more vulnerable, you’re gunna cry. Yes he didn’t force you to make these changes and you did it out of care for him (um how awesome does that make you? He should be worshipping you not using that as a weapon against you) but it sounds like he’s expecting perfection.

 

If he won’t talk about this consider how he will be about even more serious things. Personally I think it’s worth thinking about if he’s really right for you.

 

Edit: also you only in part made change because you wanted to show care (which still, amazing - you’re an angel) but you made the changes in part because you’re scared of him getting mad at you. That’s not cool in a relationship.

Edited July 8, 2020 by DerbyNerd

[RavenclawPrincess]

I'm gonna be really blunt here. If you need to talk and homeboy is ordering you to drop it, then maybe you ought to drop him along with the conversation. Just my 2 cents, I know this is very hard on you and I'm sorry you're going through all of that. 

[ScarletBaby]

Thank you everyone. I don't know how this is going to end up, but I do know I'm going to have to figure out what to do. I want to have everything work out, but I'm not sure if it will. He said he's made up his mind but won't tell me about what. Which only concerns me more because he promised not to break up with me over text after I had two text message breakups end in me being really upset. They just don't feel like real conclusions. But the fact he doesn't seem to want to text me about what he made up his mind about concerns me. I'm worried he's going to end things because I got distracted and didn't hear my phone and then he felt like I was blaming him or something when I was trying to talk things out. Thank you all again for all the advice. I hope to give you an update one day when we figure out what is happening with us.

[SmolAetherr]

Thank you everyone. I don't know how this is going to end up, but I do know I'm going to have to figure out what to do. I want to have everything work out, but I'm not sure if it will. He said he's made up his mind but won't tell me about what. Which only concerns me more because he promised not to break up with me over text after I had two text message breakups end in me being really upset. They just don't feel like real conclusions. But the fact he doesn't seem to want to text me about what he made up his mind about concerns me. I'm worried he's going to end things because I got distracted and didn't hear my phone and then he felt like I was blaming him or something when I was trying to talk things out. Thank you all again for all the advice. I hope to give you an update one day when we figure out what is happening with us.

i wish you all the best, what you have told me is alot like emotional abuse, dont put up with that you are worth more than that the fact that you are keeping a level head and thinking about his needs over yours, he should be more grateful than he seems to all of us.

[daddymind]

Daddy said there was nothing to work through regarding last night. I told him how I feel. I’m nervous now though that he’s going to be upset with me again. I feel like I’m being held to some impossible standard when it comes to text responses and like I’m constantly being compared to those who hurt him in the past and actually did ignore him. I hope I did what was right in this situation but I’m not sure. I’m nervous he’s going to tell me I’m not good enough for him. As it is he responded saying I was blaming him when I was just trying to be open about my feelings and protect our relationship by creating discussion. What should I do? I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my Daddy.

 

This will sound unconventional, but I find in these kinds of situations, when you reach a dead end, a little lightheartedness can help to ease the tension, depending on the dynamic you share. Personally (and I stress this is not for everyone), I have straight up told Princess to punish me if she's ever upset with me to the point where something cannot be resolved (in a Daddy Dom case, that would be reversed obviously). If you have a dynamic going on, some playfulness can help to absorb the tension. It's not about confirming he is right necessarily, it's purely about defusing the tension where a resolution is unachievable. For us it has been very effective. I'm probably going to get some eye rolls for this, but it's just one option I'm offering that has worked for us. This only works, however, if this particular disagreement is not a massive deal breaker. For example, if what he did made you question the entire relationship, absolutely do NOT go down this route. But if it's just a little black spot in an otherwise wonderful relationship, which you're otherwise happy with, give him and you some mechanism to make an unresolvable disagreement pleasurable for both of you.

Edited July 8, 2020 by daddymind

[ScarletBaby]

I promised an update so here it is.

 

My Daddy invited me over for dinner after we did get talking a bit and it was clear I wasn’t emotionally alright. We had dinner then laid down to continue watching a movie (Mirror Mirror for those who are curious). While we cuddled I curled into him because physical touch is my love language and I definitely needed it then. As he held me he reassured me that even when he’s mad or upset he won’t give me up as his Babygirl so easily. I was still a bit upset and he could tell cause I didn’t pull back at all to simply relax in his arms but rather gripped him tightly. This prompted him to ask how he can make me feel better and at the time being held was all I wanted after receiving his reassurances.

 

After the movie we started a different movie and I did end up talking to him about how we need to figure out ways to avoid this next time. I told him my mom said he can text her if I’m not responding and my best friend wouldn’t mind either. I’m generally in the same building as 1 of them unless I’m at work. I also suggested the bond touch bracelet designed for long distance relationships. We could come up with a tap code for me needing to check my phone cause it would help with my ADHD caused time blindness or total distraction if my wrist started vibrating in a pattern we set. We decided to hold off on the bond touch for a bit for personal reasons of his but we think it’ll be a good thing to have ultimately.

 

Things seem okay for now and hopefully will stay this way because I told him not talking about something isn’t going prevent me from overthinking something. Telling me it’s ok and not to overthink, and using a term of endearment will help a lot more. Cause as it turns out, he wouldn’t talk cause he didn’t want me overthinking everything he said and spiraling. Oh how that back fired. Thank you to everyone who gave me support and advice during all of this. I really appreciate it. Both here in my topic post and in the forum chat room. I’m super grateful to all of you and glad I’m in this safe, loving, and protective community. You are all awesome!

[Vampiress]

I would just say to add to everything previously said, using silent treatment like "I'm probably not going to talk to you tomorrow either" is a form of abuse and shouldn't ever be used as a form of punishment. Instead of ignoring you, he needs to handle the situation instead of letting it sit and stew into something worse. I would also say if he's blaming you instead of owning up to the fact that he's insecure over past relationships then he's being delusional or intentionally just not wanting to take ownership of his own issues cause it'd be easier to shift the blame to you and that isn't okay either. Your situation doesn't sound hopeless, but he definitely has some things to improve upon and work on with you.

[SmolAetherr]

I promised an update so here it is.

 

My Daddy invited me over for dinner after we did get talking a bit and it was clear I wasn’t emotionally alright. We had dinner then laid down to continue watching a movie (Mirror Mirror for those who are curious). While we cuddled I curled into him because physical touch is my love language and I definitely needed it then. As he held me he reassured me that even when he’s mad or upset he won’t give me up as his Babygirl so easily. I was still a bit upset and he could tell cause I didn’t pull back at all to simply relax in his arms but rather gripped him tightly. This prompted him to ask how he can make me feel better and at the time being held was all I wanted after receiving his reassurances.

 

After the movie we started a different movie and I did end up talking to him about how we need to figure out ways to avoid this next time. I told him my mom said he can text her if I’m not responding and my best friend wouldn’t mind either. I’m generally in the same building as 1 of them unless I’m at work. I also suggested the bond touch bracelet designed for long distance relationships. We could come up with a tap code for me needing to check my phone cause it would help with my ADHD caused time blindness or total distraction if my wrist started vibrating in a pattern we set. We decided to hold off on the bond touch for a bit for personal reasons of his but we think it’ll be a good thing to have ultimately.

 

Things seem okay for now and hopefully will stay this way because I told him not talking about something isn’t going prevent me from overthinking something. Telling me it’s ok and not to overthink, and using a term of endearment will help a lot more. Cause as it turns out, he wouldn’t talk cause he didn’t want me overthinking everything he said and spiraling. Oh how that back fired. Thank you to everyone who gave me support and advice during all of this. I really appreciate it. Both here in my topic post and in the forum chat room. I’m super grateful to all of you and glad I’m in this safe, loving, and protective community. You are all awesome!

i hope its a happy ending for both og you!