I feel the need to say it louder for the people in the back: The "Fake daddies" Issue

[RavenclawPrincess]

Throwing around the term “fake daddy” can come off as very ignorant and is oftentimes not the correct term to be using to label a person if you look at the facts of a situation. I’ve seen so many good people incorrectly labeled as a “fake daddy” simply because there was a compatibility issue, or because they did/said something that someone else didn’t like despite the lack of harm intended and caused to the so called “victim”. The term is thrown around so loosely that it really doesn’t even mean much of anything at this point.

 

Here’s my line of thought on why there’s no such thing as a “fake daddy”. Labels such as daddy refer to someone’s identity. For everyone else, it’s an indicator of preferences, which “side of the slash” that person feels that they belong to, so to speak. So with that, we can logically conclude that it’s a matter of self identification. Given that this label is ultimately an indicator of preferences and self identification, we can say that use of the label is comparable to someone identifying as gay or trans. Is there such a thing as “fake gay” people? Nope. What about “fake trans” people? Also no. Thereby, when someone is using a label for the purpose of SELF identification, can we genuinely determine that for the individual or call it fake? I certainly don’t think so. 

 

Furthermore, there are different varieties of daddies. Brat tamers, daddy doms, soft daddies, daddies that are into CG/l for the lifestyle as a whole, daddies that are into it for the sexual relationship only, etc. So really “daddy” is just a blanket term that’s used to cover a wide variety of people with all sorts of different preferences. Not all daddies are the same in their preferences or what they’re looking for in a dynamic. This brings me to my next point. 

 

COMPATIBILITY Y’ALL. Sometimes, it’s harder than a diamond in a snowstorm to find someone that is compatible for each of us as individuals. One of the instances where I see the term “fake daddy” thrown around a lot is when someone is into CG/l as a means of sexual roleplay to satisfy their respective kinks. Within this category of what people want out of the dynamic, you’ll have CG’s and littles alike that are not wanting a lifestyle dynamic, but someone that they can partner with strictly for sexual gratification. And guess what? As long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual, that’s totally fine. 

 

Not being into CG/l as a lifestyle is not bad by default. If people just want someone with the same kinks to hook up with, I don’t see that as anyone else’s business, to put it bluntly. So can we not with the kink shaming via throwing around the term “fake daddy” simply because someone isn’t into CG/l as an entire lifestyle? If you think about it, it’s pretty silly. 

 

That being said, sometimes a person that is into CG/l as a lifestyle interacts with one that is into it for sexual roleplay only, for the sake of determining compatibility, while looking for partners. Naturally, this scenario never works out.  Doesn’t it make more sense to gracefully say something along the lines of “we weren’t looking for the same thing out of a dynamic” rather than carelessly mislabelling people as “fake” when they didn’t actually intend or cause any harm? It’s an issue of incompatibility, not an issue of “fakeness”. 

 

In all honesty, there are people who should be primarily called something other than a daddy, such as someone that is a predator. A predator, full stop, with nothing else behind that. This sort of person is around to manipulate unsuspecting littles in order to collect nudes and things like that, and there’s no intention of providing any variety of what give and take in a relationship is all about. If this person identifies themselves as a daddy? Fine. They’re a daddy because again, who are we to determine someone else’s identity for them? But let’s call a spade a spade and and use the term predatory to describe that daddy, not fake. For the life of me, I can’t understand why people choose to sugarcoat it like that. Predators don’t deserve that kind of protection. I know I’m personally not concerned about the feelings of someone that intentionally causes harm to others like that. A dangerous individual should be labelled as such. Fake is such a watered down term, and in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t mean much of anything except maybe that the person using it is potentially in need of some more education on how to communicate what they are actually trying to express. 

 

Can we cancel the use of “fake” labels now? There are more effective and clear ways to communicate what we are trying to explain about experiences we’ve had with an individual that we’ve had a problem getting along with. I think in some instances it’s a matter of poor vocabulary or not knowing how to properly express the problem endured in the company of an unsavory individual. This community isn’t a group of people that I would call stupid, so let’s strive to not inadvertently misrepresent ourselves by using ignorant labels such as “fake”. 

 

Anyway, that’s my more than two cents that no one even asked for and I’m really excited to see what everyone else has to say on the matter. Chime in folks, I’m all ears.

 

[Little kaiya]

I really couldn't have said it better, so my only comment is . . . ^^ so much what she said.

[baby_k]

Just had convo with another person about this in another topic XD ( NSFW ) And totally agree.

 

Fake is silly fluffy term that should not be used with things that are about selfidentification. Predator(y) is a lot better if someone really is doing something shady ( which would be good for others to know too. Thou: one can't just through accusations randomly, especially publicly. So using that word need to be really considered if there is actual people involved and it's not just theoretical convo. )

 

Issues seem to rise when people wanting different things clash. Or maybe not even then: if someone is telling me to send nudes, I just tell them off or block them directly, no harm done even that stuff is irritating for me. However, I have encountered people who have asked nudes or sexting in super polite way which has not caused any irritation for they were respectful and just were seeing if we have compatible wants. That imo is totally ok.

 

But I can easily move on where as people in more vulnerable state might not, and they may be really upset by such 'requests'. I just don't think the issue of encountering people who are totally incompatible, and who also may have not so great social skills, will go anywhere. Especially as people come from different backgrounds, so what for example is rude differs from person to person.

 

-> only solution I see is that we try to educate ourselves and our community on what is good and polite behaviour, what is safe and not, what one should watch out ( predatory stuff + red flags + "common" issues ). Also to build up people's selfesteem + understanding on that they can and should set limits, understanding of their own wants and feelings, and how those matter just as much as the other person's.

 

Good communication is also key as that would help people to see if they have compability issue ( + in general understanding that not all look the same thing ). Obviously it's easy to say "have good communication", so I think any help people can get with that should be shared.

[Littlenicole40]

So is this post because I made a post venting about my experiences?  If so, I never once said fake daddies and I did respond, and sometimes people just want to vent about other people masquerading as something they aren’t, or are asking for real feedback from others so they know they aren’t alone/the only one dealing with it.  

 

Compatibility and misrepresentation/being an asshole are different things in my opinion.  

[RavenclawPrincess]

So is this post because I made a post venting about my experiences?  If so, I never once said fake daddies and I did respond, and sometimes people just want to vent about other people masquerading as something they aren’t, or are asking for real feedback from others so they know they aren’t alone/the only one dealing with it.  

 

Compatibility and misrepresentation/being an asshole are different things in my opinion.

As you’ve pointed out, you never said anything about fake daddies so I’m not sure why this was a thought? I wasn’t sitting here thinking about you discussing your experiences in a different topic altogether when I wrote this. When something is on someone’s mind we all have a right to look to the community for a conversation about it (you and I both are included in that, obviously). Furthermore, your topic was about YOU and YOUR experiences as the point of conversation. Its both very rude and also against the community rules to derail the talking point of someone else's thread so of course respect has been given for you and the points that you wanted to discuss over there. THAT thread is about YOU and YOUR experiences, THIS thread is about what I wanted to discuss because I’ve simply been seeing the term start getting thrown around hastily too much for comfort, and all over the place at that. I felt it was relevant to discuss this (agaaaaaain) because it’s important. Many people simply don't know better, and the community as a whole as a responsibility to help each other learn and grow.

Edited July 8, 2020 by RavenclawPrincess

[Littlenicole40]

As you’ve pointed out, you never said anything about fake daddies so I’m not sure why this was a thought? I wasn’t sitting here thinking about you discussing your experiences in a different topic altogether when I wrote this. When something is on someone’s mind we all have a right to look to the community for a conversation about it (you and I both are included in that, obviously). Furthermore, your topic was about YOU and YOUR experiences as the point of conversation. Its both very rude and also against the community rules to derail the talking point of someone else's thread so of course respect has been given for you and the points that you wanted to discuss over there. THAT thread is about YOU and YOUR experiences, THIS thread is about what I wanted to discuss because I’ve simply been seeing the term start getting thrown around hastily too much for comfort, and all over the place at that. I felt it was relevant to discuss this (agaaaaaain) because it’s important. Many people simply don't know better, and the community as a whole as a responsibility to help each other learn and grow.

 

I was just confused I guess because it seems to go in that direction in my post but I can see why you’d make a new one. I thought maybe it was because you thought that’s what I was trying to say.  But I can understand what you’ve posted about in here, from your explaining it and not take it personally.  It’s hard online sometimes.  I wish it was easier to just have real life meetups with people and talk and get to hear tone, inflection, etc.  

Edited July 8, 2020 by Littlenicole40

[RavenclawPrincess]

Oh, absolutely! It’s so hard to even know what tone someone is taking via text because we can’t read body language or hear how something is being said. I genuinely wasn’t after saying anything about you at all but regardless, you have my apologies for any misunderstanding that made you feel bad. It did definitely go in that direction in your post and that’s partially why I wanted to start the conversation up elsewhere out of respect for you and what you wanted to discuss. As you can see I have a lot to say about the fake daddies thing and I found myself having to hold back in my replies to your topic while discussing the matter simply because that wasn’t the bottom line of what you brought up as a conversation.

[Littlenicole40]

Oh, absolutely! It’s so hard to even know what tone someone is taking via text because we can’t read body language or hear how something is being said. I genuinely wasn’t after saying anything about you at all but regardless, you have my apologies for any misunderstanding that made you feel bad. It did definitely go in that direction in your post and that’s partially why I wanted to start the conversation up elsewhere out of respect for you and what you wanted to discuss. As you can see I have a lot to say about the fake daddies thing and I found myself having to hold back in my replies to your topic while discussing the matter simply because that wasn’t the bottom line of what you brought up as a conversation.

 

No I get it and no apologies needed.  I just wanted to ask and I realize it’s probably rude I asked in your thread.  But your thread had good info and well thought out points.  I didn’t mean to distract from that.  

[RavenclawPrincess]

No I get it and no apologies needed.  I just wanted to ask and I realize it’s probably rude I asked in your thread.  But your thread had good info and well thought out points.  I didn’t mean to distract from that.

 

It’s all good! Honestly, I’m not mad about the opportunity to put it out there that I wasn’t talking to our about anyone specific, just making general statements about a problem I’ve been seeing pretty consistently lately. Thank you for your part in clearing that up for everyone

[Guest clumsy_little]

I think most of the people refer them as "fake daddy" because they show red flags. It is expected to find such people in this dynamic who just wants to use the person for their sexual desires... that's it, making it one sided? Does that makes sense? The same is applicable for "fake little" but using fake....

I dunno, it doesn't make sense to me. 

[beanbean]

i know i get that term used about me all the time. because i am a switch and i guess they just assume i can't be a daddy because . remember its not one size fits all people

[RavenclawPrincess]

You tell ‘em Bean!

[Punographer]

Now auto directing people to this thread upon complaints about fake daddies. haha 

 

Stellar points by the way!

[Frost Evergarden]

the term fake daddy means a predator that uses DDLG as an excuse. saying that there is no such thing as a fake daddy is nonsense and ignores the issues of a predator demanding obedience from someone they don't know.

 

fake daddy:hey baby girl (to random girl) obey me because I am a daddy and you have to do what I say. You can't do that, you are too little to do that. 

 

real daddies don't do that. there are things you do and don't do because they are wrong.

 

 

you have confused slander with reality. slander is accusing someone of something when in reality it is an excuse to attack someone because you don't like them. reality is when a predator uses being a daddy as an excuse to try to control someone they don't know. 

 

fake daddies don't care about consent, real daddies do.

 

 

I am feeling the need to say it louder for those in the back.

[RavenclawPrincess]

the term fake daddy means a predator that uses DDLG as an excuse. saying that there is no such thing as a fake daddy is nonsense and ignores the issues of a predator demanding obedience from someone they don't know.

 

fake daddy:hey baby girl (to random girl) obey me because I am a daddy and you have to do what I say. You can't do that, you are too little to do that. 

 

real daddies don't do that. there are things you do and don't do because they are wrong.

 

 

you have confused slander with reality. slander is accusing someone of something when in reality it is an excuse to attack someone because you don't like them. reality is when a predator uses being a daddy as an excuse to try to control someone they don't know. 

 

fake daddies don't care about consent, real daddies do.

 

 

I am feeling the need to say it louder for those in the back.

 

I've very interested to read/watch whatever it is that  defines fake daddies as such. To the best of my knowledge fake daddies is a rather vague term that gets thrown around inappropriately all the time. I stand by what I said but I'm also not above looking at information and changing my opinion if the facts show that my original line of thinking was wrong. Any chance you're up for sharing the reputable source(s) where you found this information? Like I said, I'm very interested in reading/watching whatever that may be.

[Guest ThomasM]

I totally agree with everyone's look on this topic from what I have seen over the years. I have noticed that the term "Fake Daddy" has also been used against those that may be new to either that form or new to everything all together. It's like "You don't know anything or as much as I do so get to learning and being a fake Daddy." This is just what I have noticed.

[RavenclawPrincess]

I totally agree with everyone's look on this topic from what I have seen over the years. I have noticed that the term "Fake Daddy" has also been used against those that may be new to either that form or new to everything all together. It's like "You don't know anything or as much as I do so get to learning and being a fake Daddy." This is just what I have noticed.

 

That's an excellent point! Also, there are people that genuinely are just new to the lifestyle and may not even realize that CG/l can actually be utilized as a legitimate lifestyle, that it can be more than just a sexual thing. That's why I feel that it's so important to talk about big issues like this. Some people simply don't know better but are willing to learn, so it helps to have these conversations out there for everyone to read and participate in. 

[Frost Evergarden]

cp,,

 

I've very interested to read/watch whatever it is that  defines fake daddies as such. To the best of my knowledge fake daddies is a rather vague term that gets thrown around inappropriately all the time. I stand by what I said but I'm also not above looking at information and changing my opinion if the facts show that my original line of thinking was wrong. Any chance you're up for sharing the reputable source(s) where you found this information? Like I said, I'm very interested in reading/watching whatever that may b

 

common sense, basic decency. IT is only vague if you want it to be such. the problem is people misuse the term. 

I may be new to the forum but I an not new to DDLG. I have seen it time and time again.

the sooner folk understand that "fake daddy" means predator and not someone you are not compatible with the sooner we can end this nonsense that they don't actually exist. 

[RavenclawPrincess]

cp,,

 

 

common sense, basic decency. IT is only vague if you want it to be such. the problem is people misuse the term. 

I may be new to the forum but I an not new to DDLG. I have seen it time and time again.

the sooner folk understand that "fake daddy" means predator and not someone you are not compatible with the sooner we can end this nonsense that they don't actually exist. 

 

 

 I'm legitimately looking to read into what you're on about for the sake of educating myself because I am an open minded person with the desire to learn and grow, not to be someone that's stuck in my own ways if they're incorrect. I can appreciate that you think you're opinion is right, and that's totally fine. But I do prefer to look into things a little more in depth than taking one person from the internet's word as an authoritative source. Research and I are homies and I thought since you're so strong in your opinion, you might be able to point me in the right direction for where to look for more information.

[Frost Evergarden]

 I'm legitimately looking to read into what you're on about for the sake of educating myself because I am an open minded person with the desire to learn and grow, not to be someone that's stuck in my own ways if they're incorrect. I can appreciate that you think you're opinion is right, and that's totally fine. But I do prefer to look into things a little more in depth than taking one person from the internet's word as an authoritative source. Research and I are homies and I thought since you're so strong in your opinion, you might be able to point me in the right direction for where to look for more information.

 

no one researches this sort of thing. can you prove that there are no fake daddies? I prefer logic and reason and not turning a blind eye to reality because people misuse a valid label. All you can do is use logic, reason and common sense. predators are out there, the kind we get in the DDlg community try to use being a daddy as an excuse to be creepy and predatory. being new is one thing, and you get one free pass but once you are corrected continuing this behavior is no longer based off of ignorance.

 

you dislike the term merely because it has been abused towards your friends, this is an emotional stance. 

 

name a situation where it is valid to claim and try to dominate a random little because you see yourself as a daddy and I will change my stance. If you can't then perhaps it is time to admit that fake daddies exist and that consent is key.

[RavenclawPrincess]

no one researches this sort of thing. can you prove that there are no fake daddies? I prefer logic and reason and not turning a blind eye to reality because people misuse a valid label. All you can do is use logic, reason and common sense. predators are out there, the kind we get in the DDlg community try to use being a daddy as an excuse to be creepy and predatory. being new is one thing, and you get one free pass but once you are corrected continuing this behavior is no longer based off of ignorance.

 

you dislike the term merely because it has been abused towards your friends, this is an emotional stance. 

 

name a situation where it is valid to claim and try to dominate a random little because you see yourself as a daddy and I will change my stance. If you can't then perhaps it is time to admit that fake daddies exist and that consent is key.

 

Actually, I do research into things like this. While it is difficult to find anything related to DDlg specifically, there's all sorts of sociology, anthropology, and psychological/mental health related resources that can be studied and applied. It's actually very interesting, and I find it very helpful to look at those resources to figure out what fits with different issues in our community. We are, after all, people in our own little society here. I can set you up with some articles as a starting point if you're interested in checking out any of that. 

 

I think there's a misunderstanding to some degree happening here. No one is disputing that predators exist and are very very bad. However, the phrase "fake daddies" gets thrown around so much in conversation that it HAS become rather vague and is a bit of a cop out in my opinion to use. We are capable of communicating more effectively than that, and use of that phrase has warped into something that isn't what you're describing, at least what I've seen here in this online community over the years. That's why I brought it up here for discussion. As I've said many times, I feel like it's important to have these conversations as a group. 

 

Actually, I don't particularly care if someone is my friend or not in this instance. I've seen more than enough people that weren't my friends get mislabeled that way and frankly, it's still wrong in those instances as well. 

 

It's never valid to try to dominate a little outside of a consensual arrangement. No one ever said otherwise. Consent is always key, no one has disputed that here either. 

[beanbean]

the term fake daddy means a predator that uses DDLG as an excuse. saying that there is no such thing as a fake daddy is nonsense and ignores the issues of a predator demanding obedience from someone they don't know.

 

fake daddy:hey baby girl (to random girl) obey me because I am a daddy and you have to do what I say. You can't do that, you are too little to do that. 

 

real daddies don't do that. there are things you do and don't do because they are wrong.

 

 

you have confused slander with reality. slander is accusing someone of something when in reality it is an excuse to attack someone because you don't like them. reality is when a predator uses being a daddy as an excuse to try to control someone they don't know. 

 

fake daddies don't care about consent, real daddies do.

 

 

I am feeling the need to say it louder for those in the back.

 thing is lots of times the term is used much more then for predator's . its used far more then that here . everyone idea of ddlg is not going to be the same ever.so calling because they don't think the same is lazy. fake daddy's are a real thing . but here it seems like some people are calling everyone fake

[Frost Evergarden]

 thing is lots of times the term is used much more then for predator's . its used far more then that here . everyone idea of ddlg is not going to be the same ever.so calling because they don't think the same is lazy. fake daddy's are a real thing . but here it seems like some people are calling everyone fakeI f

 

I fully agree that misusing the term is a problem.  the anti "fake daddy" crowd seems to want to ignore that in favor of the misused version. the people that miss use it should be called out as much as the fakes. 

[Frost Evergarden]

Actually, I do research into things like this. While it is difficult to find anything related to DDlg specifically, there's all sorts of sociology, anthropology, and psychological/mental health related resources that can be studied and applied. It's actually very interesting, and I find it very helpful to look at those resources to figure out what fits with different issues in our community. We are, after all, people in our own little society here. I can set you up with some articles as a starting point if you're interested in checking out any of that. 

 

I think there's a misunderstanding to some degree happening here. No one is disputing that predators exist and are very very bad. However, the phrase "fake daddies" gets thrown around so much in conversation that it HAS become rather vague and is a bit of a cop out in my opinion to use. We are capable of communicating more effectively than that, and use of that phrase has warped into something that isn't what you're describing, at least what I've seen here in this online community over the years. That's why I brought it up here for discussion. As I've said many times, I feel like it's important to have these conversations as a group. 

 

Actually, I don't particularly care if someone is my friend or not in this instance. I've seen more than enough people that weren't my friends get mislabeled that way and frankly, it's still wrong in those instances as well. 

 

It's never valid to try to dominate a little outside of a consensual arrangement. No one ever said otherwise. Consent is always key, no one has disputed that here either. 

 

with the whole don't use the term fake daddy it sounds like folk want to ignore their existence and the real meaning. I have observed that humans use insults as a cop out often, almost everyone does even if they don't realize that it is happening. those people should be called out on that whenever it is seen.

mislabeling anyone is wrong, I would consider it a form of and this is the best word that I can think of passive gaslighting. 

[RavenclawPrincess]

with the whole don't use the term fake daddy it sounds like folk want to ignore their existence and the real meaning. I have observed that humans use insults as a cop out often, almost everyone does even if they don't realize that it is happening. those people should be called out on that whenever it is seen.

mislabeling anyone is wrong, I would consider it a form of and this is the best word that I can think of passive gaslighting. 

 

Yes. That is exactly what the purpose of this topic is.