Partner no longer wants to be my Daddy

[littletoxo]

As a preface, my partner is my 24/7 Dom and I am His collared pet in addition to this.

 

My partner of 3 years and I have talked many times about little stuff, and how I age regress and have little traits. In the last handful of months we decided that as He already takes a “caretaking” role towards me as His pet, that we would give DDlg a try, as it’s something I’ve felt would suit me for a long time. He felt that being a Daddy would be something He enjoyed as well.

 

And He did. He still tells me he enjoyed/enjoys it very much, but that it’s now too much for Him to be my Daddy. He started to get insecure in that He felt I started to see Him as only a caregiver and not a partner any longer. We had many discussions about it, and I’ve done everything I can (spending time, sending texts throught the day, surprise gifts, ect all separate from Daddy/babygirl stuff) to show Him I love Him both ways, but He still felt that way.

 

I asked Him if He wanted to stop Daddy stuff and initially He said no because He WANTS to do it but now we’ve come to the point where we’ve agreed to back off from it and not engage in DDlg anymore because it’s too much for Him.

 

He seems to be doing fine, happy even.

 

I’m... not doing fine.

 

I’ve packed away all my nighties and pacis and my favorite stuffie and my dresses because it’s too hard to see them. We still have a custom paci He designed and ordered for me coming in the mail that I’m going to have to just pack away because if I look at it I’m going to cry. Being a little is even more a part of me than I thought it was when we started this and it’s killing me to have to basically pretend I’m not, have to shut down littlespace and little thoughts and any little behavior out of fear it’ll bother Him.

 

I don’t know what to do. I’ve fallen into such a deep depression. I barely have an appetite, personal hygiene is hard, I have no sex drive, I can barely do my daily tasks, work feels impossible and excruciating every day, I often find myself holding one of my dresses and crying... I can’t even dress feminine at all anymore because I feel disgusting and bad and like I’m doing something wrong.

 

I know I need to be more open about this with Him, and I promise I’m going to as soon as I settle a little more and can talk about it without breaking down, but I don’t want to pressure Him into anything that will make Him feel like he was before. And I don’t feel like I have a right to be upset since I agreed to stop doing DDlg things.

 

But it hurts so bad and I can’t stop thinking about it.

 

What do I do? How do I stop feeling like this? How can I work through this enough to as least be able to voice my feelings like an adult instead of the sad, hurt little girl I feel like inside?

 

(Please note also that I am a transman- I just am feminine in little space and not at all outside of it. Please don’t refer to me as a girl in any replies,)

[DerbyNerd]

Hi, 

 

I'm so sorry that you're feeling terrible, this sounds like a super tough situation. I agree that you're going to have to talk to him about everything and hopefully there is some middle ground that the two of you can find. 

 

However in the meantime there is no reason you can't have your littlespace time. Many littles have time in their littlespace without their dom/daddy present; especially those of us who don't have a dom/daddy. It sounds like being a little is a really natural part of you, so maybe big you can nurture that part. You could plan to have time in your littlespace, maybe make sure you've got snacks prepped beforehand (I'm generally 7-8yo as a little so if big me preps snacks little me can just retrieve them from the fridge/bench) so you can go get them, bring up some favourite little movies, dress up, grab your stuffie/pacie and enjoy your time in littlespace. If your partner doesn't want to be involved this might have to occur when they aren't in the house. 

 

I hope this helps, stay strong. 

Edited July 6, 2020 by DerbyNerd

[peachprince]

Like the post above said, you can still have your own little time!! Unless you feel like you're a danger to yourself while in the headspace, I think it would help you out a lot. And just because he can't be your daddy doesn't mean you can't be a little on your own time! A lot of littles are in relationships but their partners aren't comfortable with the while thing or being a CG, so they don't have a CG but still have a partner. And there's tons of fun activities to do on your own! Like watching movies/cartoons, coloring, or playing pretend with toys and stuffies!

 

Maybe try talking about it as a compromise, since he can't be a daddy right now, but you need to be little. That way you're both happier!

[MissPattch]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. I don't think going "cold turkey" away from your little side is a good idea. It's making you extremely upset it seems, and is obviously something you find comfort in. I know you said you agreed to no DDlg stuff, but maybe, like the other posters above me have said, you could have some little time by yourself? I have a Daddy currently, but he works full time, and doesn't always have the energy or inclination to be there to care for me when i'm little, so i learnt to occupy my self when i'm on my own. 

 

If you do decide to just stop playing with your little space, then you have to give yourself time to grieve. Its a loss of sorts, letting go of something that holds meaning and pleasure for you. Tidying your things away will help somewhat, some people find putting everything away works, others prefer to keep one or 2 small things to hold onto, like a stuffy, or a favourite set of PJ's. You are right that this is something the 2 of you need to talk about, maybe you could set aside a set time for you to be little, so then your CG doesn't feel pressure to be in that headspace all the time? 

[Kitten&Spice]

I am really sorry that this happening and that you are having such a rough time. I can tell that little space is very important to you and; as it is for many littles, a part of you. I myself had a lot of turmoil with my little space and trying to hide it as much as possible from the world and it was honestly painful. I agree with the others that you still need to embrace that part of you and get into little space at times you can!

 

I do not have a daddy and I find that I can still get into little space. Wear the cute outfits you have bought around the house! Watch a movie in your onesies! I found that listening to certain music and dancing in my pjs with a stuffie as my dance partner( and of course sometimes my dog) is also fun! You can dive into activities and even make little themed meal times! Bubble baths with bath toys and bath markers! The possibilities are endless!

 

I think that you can still be little even if your partner is still trying to figure things out! But hiding things away and looking it up when you know it makes you happy is unhealthy and I do not recommend this type of action. There is so many ways you can be in little space without having a DD around! Just remember that you are little and you are loved!

[Vampiress]

I can feel your heartbreak through your words and honestly this is the kind of thing I fear, and I'm sure a lot of other littles fear this happening. Your pain and sadness is valid, and you definitely need to give yourself the time to process through this. After you have given yourself sometime, it is okay like others said to explore being a little on your own. It won't be the same like before, but it can still be fulfilling in its own way and maybe you can make other little friends to do little things with, even if it's only online. You are right that eventually you will need to have a very open and honest discussion. This is hurting you so deeply that you are struggling in all aspects of your life and he needs to be more sensitive to that as you have shown care and sensitivity towards his struggles with feeling like he wants to be a Daddy Dom. You guys need to figure out what the real problem is with him and try to address it and come to some compromise between yourselves. If you can't come to any kind of compromise with each other and you still end up super unhappy and can't enjoy littlespace on your own you may have to consider whether you can handle a vanilla relationship or if you really require more. It's okay to be selfish in that regard and think about your own needs and feelings. You deserve happiness and shouldn't let yourself suffer.