Ways to tell if a dom you’re talking to is real or not

[Little_Lola01]

So I’m obviously looking for a daddy. But sometimes I struggle with knowing if the person that I’m talking to is really interested in my personality or is just interested in my body. I know that there are certain red flags to look out for like if they jump in the conversation with little one or baby girl but sometimes I wonder if I’m actually doing enough to protect myself from catfishes and fake daddies. Is there anything that any of you would look out for if it were you?

[Frost Evergarden]

catfish can be easy to spot, picture is too perfect, the kind you find in advertisements saying hot singles in your area type thing. how you know for sure or as sure as can be is to reverse image search it

[SweetCuriosity]

I once asked a Dom friend how he knew a sub was real. He said in order to avoid games, he moved offline asap. He suggested a public meeting. This is how he met his sub whom he ended up marrying. I think at minimum, video chat is a good method. It's reasonably safe and will tell you they're serious about moving forward. I think within the first week or two, it's important to have a face to face chat. Nothing sexual, just a casual chat to get to know eachother better.

[DerbyNerd]

Also don't forget that a dom will understand that conversation/negotiation comes before you jump into anything. They'll want to know your limits, likes, dislikes and just more about you. Dom's that want to jump too quickly into play are a big red flag. 

[baby_k]

 But sometimes I struggle with knowing if the person that I’m talking to is really interested in my personality or is just interested in my body.

 

Talk with them. Dude just wanting sex won't have interest to your mind, feelings and so on for long.

 

 

 I wonder if I’m actually doing enough to protect myself from catfishes and fake daddies. Is there anything that any of you would look out for if it were you?

I hardly believe there are fake daddies. There is mainly just incompatible people. And how to know if you are incompatible: talking with them about everything. Getting to really know them as people, not just as daddies.

 

I also think that it's best if you first can be friends and only after when you truly know each other, go to the dating stage. Obviously some people just have so much chemistry that it would be super hard just to be friends, so I wouldn't force the being friends state either but just enjoy the ride.

 

 

[DerbyNerd]

Talk with them. Dude just wanting sex won't have interest to your mind, feelings and so on for long.

 

 

I hardly believe there are fake daddies. There is mainly just incompatible people. And how to know if you are incompatible: talking with them about everything. Getting to really know them as people, not just as daddies.

 

I also think that it's best if you first can be friends and only after when you truly know each other, go to the dating stage. Obviously some people just have so much chemistry that it would be super hard just to be friends, so I wouldn't force the being friends state either but just enjoy the ride.

 

 

Ok I kinda have to disagree with your point about fake daddies. We all kinda accept that fake doms exist so why wouldn’t fake daddies exist? I’ve had an experience where a dom came on really strong saying he was a daddy, he kept dodging questions but when I finally got him to say what he wanted in a relationship he described a master/slave dynamic. I told him that I wasn’t interested in that and he went straight to “daddy knows best, you can learn to like it”. Obviously I blocked him right after that but I think I’ve just described a fake daddy.

[baby_k]

Ok I kinda have to disagree with your point about fake daddies. We all kinda accept that fake doms exist so why wouldn’t fake daddies exist? I’ve had an experience where a dom came on really strong saying he was a daddy, he kept dodging questions but when I finally got him to say what he wanted in a relationship he described a master/slave dynamic. I told him that I wasn’t interested in that and he went straight to “daddy knows best, you can learn to like it”. Obviously I blocked him right after that but I think I’ve just described a fake daddy.

 

Can be found from this site announcements:

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/20071-fake-daddies/ (NSFW)

 

And I would also recommend this:

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/23301-fake-it-needs-to-stop/ (NSFW)

 

What you encountered was someone who wanted something totally different than you, and who had really different view than you. There is no "true way" for ddlg, and no one can say how it should be even obviously most littles would ( hopefully ) not like the behaviour of that dude.

[DerbyNerd]

Can be found from this site announcements:

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/20071-fake-daddies/ (NSFW)

 

And I would also recommend this:

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/23301-fake-it-needs-to-stop/ (NSFW)

 

What you encountered was someone who wanted something totally different than you, and who had really different view than you. There is no "true way" for ddlg, and no one can say how it should be even obviously most littles would ( hopefully ) not like the behaviour of that dude.

Ah ok, I can see the point that the word 'fake' may not be a useful descriptor and probably thrown around too quickly; and I can completely understand people wanting different things. However I think as a community we do need to be aware that there are people who may try to take advantage of our kinks, which is obviously not limited to the dominant/caregiver role or limited to the ddlg community. 

[Littlenicole40]

I dunno but I am starting to have to have in person meet up pretty fast.  I’m so tired of wasting my time trying to connect etc then find out the person I am talking to is a fraud or stringing 20 people along, or just being able to get my gut feeling in person.  I wish there was a group nearby like some bigger cities have but I am trying to do what I can and that’s the best I got!  

[baby_k]

Ah ok, I can see the point that the word 'fake' may not be a useful descriptor and probably thrown around too quickly; and I can completely understand people wanting different things. However I think as a community we do need to be aware that there are people who may try to take advantage of our kinks, which is obviously not limited to the dominant/caregiver role or limited to the ddlg community. 

I totally agree with you, just that term fake is not great to do so. I would prefer people to be more educated on that they have rights and also responsabilities: doesn't matter if one is little or something else but they have the ultimate responsability of themselves, they need to take care and look out for THEMSELVES. They have right to state their opinions, chooce what they want and so on. And that in the end, they can choose to accept something or not, and they should not accept anything that is not beneficial for them or aligned with their values.

 

As that is something I would see as healthy and it would help with the issue that some people get used, taken advantage and fall into really toxic relationships. Especially as ddlg seems to attract a lot of people who have mental issues or at least bad selfesteem, so supporting people with their selfesteem, helping them to understand their own needs+wants ( +how those are important ) and how they -like everyone else- have right to happiness, seems like the keys to me.

 

Sorry for offtopicing......

[Little_Lola01]

Thank you guys so much!!! This has really opened my mind about how to handle this!!