In need of advice for mental health and other troubles without a daddy

[SadLittleGeminiMoon]

I honestly don't know how to start this, as its partly a question(s) and partly to vent. As a little its very hard for me in my day to day life to take responsibility and remember to do things, especially with my mental health. One of the few things that has helped in the past is having others help with those day to day struggles and holding me accountable. Even though I hate them, rules have always helped me better myself as a person, and has also always relieved a weight off of my shoulders. Its particularly hard to do alone, and almost always falls through. I know quiet a few guys that are into ddlg who have expressed interest prior in rl and online, but things have always fallen through. My ex and I even talked for a bit about it, but he says that he couldn't do anything until we move in together(which may never even happen, and he lives several states away now, and even though travel is an option, hes pretty much basically said "not now"). I'm frustrated and my life feels so unstable. Like the guidance and care that I so desperately need is very much unavailable and I know I am unable to hold myself accountable alone. I honestly don't know what to do. I know my mental health isn't helping either, because it makes me push basic necessities off and the thoughts in my head become pretty unbearable from it. I've tried other things solely for mental health and they DO NOT work at all, so unfortunately that's not an option for me. I've also tried to hold myself accountable, that never works. I've tried putting personals around on many ddlg sites and have only come back with people who make me very uncomfortable and typically don't understand that what I'm looking for right now I don't want to be sexual AT ALL. And the people I know in real life I just feel like we are never on the same page and its so frustrating because most of them wont communicate even when I try to, which I will admit is hard for me and I always come across as arguing or assuming things because I constantly ask questions, mostly "why", as a form of understanding. I'm seriously frustrated and fed up and honestly just want to cry half the time. I don't understand why its so hard to just be on the same page with someone. Does anyone have useful tips or information on how to just deal with everything? Or how to be more accountable? Or a place where daddy's aren't creepy or assuming that everything is sexual? Or even just how to talk to the ones I know without being so emotionally frustrated? I would prefer if I had a Daddy/Caregiver that it would be someone I know, but I've looked into other options and even then I just feel like I keep hitting brick wall after brick wall. As a little I turn to ddlg as a form of security and relief from everyday life and a lot of my mental health issues, but is it becoming a problem if its becoming more of a stress and causing my mental health to worsen? I don't feel like it should be like this, and I know its not suppose to be, and its just making me exhausted. 

 

I appreciate any honestly feedback and will gladly take any advice given, as long as I have not already done so prior with effort and no effect.

[MasterPhotog]

Hello SadLittleGemninMoon, 

Thank you for being brave in expressing your thoughts and for seeking advice. 

Please remember that you're not alone and there are many in similar situation as you. 

As long as you're willing to take directions and do your part, I'm sure there are many amazing and self-less individuals who are willing to help you. 

However make a list of All areas you need help with and start with the one that you think is most important to you. 

Hope it helps, I'm not a professional, however feel free to let me know if I can be of any help! Good luck!

[Satan]

So I have mental illness and have been into ddlg for a number of years and I can say that a Daddy isn't going to fix your mental illness.

 

Support is nice but that's not going to fix your issue. Putting that kind of pressure and weight on a person isn't a healthy expectation for a relationship or dynamic.

 

There are things available such as therapy and medication or a combination. While I am sure if you have tried this route it can be frustrating finding a therapist that works for you but it is not impossible. They are trained to help ,where as a Daddy is a person with their own problems wants and desires so trying to reply in them wouldn't be fair as they aren't trained to handle it. also finding a medication that is compatible with you is extremely difficult as well. I have gone through a number of them myself and I know it's not easy to find one that works. To take them off the table all together due to a few bad experiences with them would in my personal opinion be not be wise but that ultimately it's your decision.

 

Journaling also helps a lot of people to write down and vent how they feel, and then self analyze. (Something that helps me a great deal.)

 

Now if you are going to simply say I've tried all of that none of it works blah blah blah blah all I want is a Daddy to understand me and fix it, you are setting yourself up for a bad time. A daddy can support you but only replying on one person to act as a therapist with cuddles won't work.

This maybe harsh but that's the reality of things.

I do hope you find something that helps you in your struggles and you find a more stable emotionally place.

Edited July 2, 2020 by Satan

[baby_k]

Like @Satan said: having a daddy won't fix your issues. And finding a good fitting daddy for you mostly means that you will be kissing  alot of frogs along the process: only super lucky ones meet their perfect match just like that. So, if your mental health is not the best, I would really consider if this is the time you want to get to know those frogs and kiss them as that takes a lot of energy and can send the most stable person into momentary insanity.

 

Try maybe other ways to go around your need of having someone for responsibility and remembering. There are apps to give you chores, todo-lists and so on. Some that are more like games than actual chore lists ( like in one app your flower grows when you drink water ). You can also try to find LITTLES is same situation or groups with people with similar issues: maybe you can help each other out.

 

I once wrote myself a "daddybot" that gave me reminders etc and reacted to what I had done already. It was cool but...... In the end I learned to take care of things just by myself. Sure, I still forget stuff, stay up too late and so on but that's when compassion and forgivness towards myself comes in ( or should at least ).

 

I thihnk main thing is that you WANT to do better. Now just define what that means in practise. Maybe do your own rules or task charts. It won't be magic but little by little you probably can change your habits for better.

[SadLittleGeminiMoon]

So I have mental illness and have been into ddlg for a number of years and I can say that a Daddy isn't going to fix your mental illness.

 

Support is nice but that's not going to fix your issue. Putting that kind of pressure and weight on a person isn't a healthy expectation for a relationship or dynamic.

 

There are things available such as therapy and medication or a combination. While I am sure if you have tried this route it can be frustrating finding a therapist that works for you but it is not impossible. They are trained to help ,where as a Daddy is a person with their own problems wants and desires so trying to reply in them wouldn't be fair as they aren't trained to handle it. also finding a medication that is compatible with you is extremely difficult as well. I have gone through a number of them myself and I know it's not easy to find one that works. To take them off the table all together due to a few bad experiences with them would in my personal opinion be not be wise but that ultimately it's your decision.

 

Journaling also helps a lot of people to write down and vent how they feel, and then self analyze. (Something that helps me a great deal.)

 

Now if you are going to simply say I've tried all of that none of it works blah blah blah blah all I want is a Daddy to understand me and fix it, you are setting yourself up for a bad time. A daddy can support you but only replying on one person to act as a therapist with cuddles won't work.

This maybe harsh but that's the reality of things.

I do hope you find something that helps you in your struggles and you find a more stable emotionally place.

 

 

I'm sorry if my original post came across as "having a daddy fix me" that's not at all what I meant. I mentioned my mental health to explain that a lot of things are harder than normal for me, as I'm sure there's a lot of others who understand that. I don't expect anyone to fix me. But having guidance has helped. I don't think having ANYONE in my life is going to take away depression anxiety, or suicidal thoughts, but it can be nice to have someone to lean on and offer help. Also I fully believe that is a 2 way street, as anyone that have ever offered support in my life I've offered it back. When I say I've tried medications or therapy, I don't mean as a cure-although it didn't work as a whole-, I mean that even my medications still haven't helped me to get out of bed and take a shower or eat or anything else. Thats why I mentioned accountability and rules and everything else. AND AGAIN, I'm looking for advice, not for someone to fix me, which is why I even asked how to hold myself accountable and how to deal with everything. Therapy is out of the question, as it has never helped and I've been going since I was 7. I need actual sound advice for routines and accountability, that is all.

 

Also journalism doesn't help when you forget to journal. I can't even remember to open up apps that I have alarms set for or reminders.

[SadLittleGeminiMoon]

Like @Satan said: having a daddy won't fix your issues. And finding a good fitting daddy for you mostly means that you will be kissing  alot of frogs along the process: only super lucky ones meet their perfect match just like that. So, if your mental health is not the best, I would really consider if this is the time you want to get to know those frogs and kiss them as that takes a lot of energy and can send the most stable person into momentary insanity.

 

Try maybe other ways to go around your need of having someone for responsibility and remembering. There are apps to give you chores, todo-lists and so on. Some that are more like games than actual chore lists ( like in one app your flower grows when you drink water ). You can also try to find LITTLES is same situation or groups with people with similar issues: maybe you can help each other out.

 

I once wrote myself a "daddybot" that gave me reminders etc and reacted to what I had done already. It was cool but...... In the end I learned to take care of things just by myself. Sure, I still forget stuff, stay up too late and so on but that's when compassion and forgivness towards myself comes in ( or should at least ).

 

I thihnk main thing is that you WANT to do better. Now just define what that means in practise. Maybe do your own rules or task charts. It won't be magic but little by little you probably can change your habits for better.

 

As I said above I don't "want a daddy to fix my issues". And also apps don't work. Most of the apps I've seen if you disregard it, it never pops back up, and then it never gets done. So those things don't help.

 

Of course I want to do better, even if its alone. I wouldn't have made my post otherwise. Although I wish I typed it better so people actually understood what I'm talking about. 

[Hinatits]

Hello, hun.

 

First off, I'm sorry you feel like this. I can understand, though, bc I feel that way sometimes too. With mental health/living with neglectful/abusive people, I can understand the want of having a daddy to confide in...

 

As much as I'd like a Daddy rn, I do need to step back and remember that Daddies are nice for kisses, cuddles, and support... But I personally recommend more therapy/ a therapist for serious issues like trauma/mental health in general.

 

I'm in NO WAY saying that you (or me) will be too much of a 'burden' for our future Caregivers, but at the same time, we need to remember that, sometimes, they can be dealing with stuff too.

 

The only reason I bring this up is bc if you get too stressed (or your Daddy/both of you), it could lead into a bad breakup or worse.

 

I may not know you on a personal level, but I just wanna make sure you and your future daddy are happy and healthy (bc you guys deserve it, darnit lol)

 

Of course, this is only my opinion, so take it as you will, hun ✨

 

EDIT: Actual coping tips

 

• Body pillows and stuffies can be hugged and even cried into, if need be. I have a large pig stuffie (bc it's my favorite animal) that I hold an pet when having an anxiety attack.

• Draw!! It doesn't matter what you make/ what materials you use, nor does you skill even have to be "good" I sometimes scribble, the color between the little shapes in between random lines. It's calming imo, and a great warmup ^^

• Self care is a typical suggestion, but even somth like painting your nails can help!

Edited July 10, 2020 by Hinatits

[Vampiress]

If you like gaming you can try something like Habitica which rewards you for keeping on task with various stuff so there's an incentive and reward there, but if you're someone who needs the possibility of a punishment if you don't follow through then something like Habitica might not help enough. Like other said, journaling could be super useful for you too and can be like a little project with all the fun stuff you can put in it.

 

Have you considered a platonic babysitter or maybe another little or middle that might take on a big brother or big sister role that can encourage you with rules and such? That can at least help you avoid the sexual aspects you are not wanting.