Advice and tips for LDR dom/sub

[Taheen]

Hey all, first time poster and newbie to it all, I'm going to vent about my situation a bit so apologies in advance and take it easy on me please haha

 

So I've been with my gf for over a year now, but due to life being the way it is and our personal circumstances, most of it has been long distance (we haven't seen each other in 6 months and there's an 8 hour difference between us - and I'm not sure when we'll be seeing each other because of the COVID-19 issue). The relationship has been pretty vanilla, the only kink stuff that was mentioned before we got to try it was anal, sex in a public place, and watersports. But the distance and time apart is rarely an easy path, especially when it comes to feeling wanted or sexually satisfied.

 

She was always a bit of a sub and naturally I liked that as I have a more dominant nature. So recently she had the idea that I should be controlling when she orgasms - doesn't matter where she is or what she's doing as soon as I give the order she has to go and make herself cum and on top of that provide proof (photo, video or audio). We've been doing this for a few days now and it's hot as hell, I'm loving it.

 

But while we are both enjoying it so far, it's giving me some anxiety because it seems like a downward spiral. If this is the start of the dom/sub dynamic how far will it go? What will it be like when we are together again, will we keep playing the roles or will it go back to how it was before, and is this right now is just to spice things up to keep us from getting bored? Those aren't actual questions, I know that communication is paramount so I'm just voicing my anxious thoughts right now...

 

But in spite of that I am super curious, and I was wondering what else can I add other than orgasms on demand? I know in our situation doing it full time 24/7 is impossible, there aren't many hours in a day that we can communicate so I'm thinking keep the dom/sub dynamic purely sexual and not about tasks or chores or stuff like that. And even about controlling her orgasms - my thoughts on this are; sure I'll give the order, but if she wants to sexually release herself she should be able to do so as well and not wait for my word. Or I guess there could be punishments involved with that...

 

So that's my situation...! Sorry for the long winded version, but yeah, if anyone has advice on what else I could add to my role as a top/dom and any punishments that I could make would be great! And just any advice in general for a long distance relationship exploring dom/sub roles would be helpful.

 

Thank you

[Nymph]

Relationships grow and evolve, is only a downward spiral if there are negative things, her getting friskier is not necessarily negative... unless you don't like it, but it sounds like you do. It's like saying you won't ever again hold hands because you had sex and it's "too innocent". You will still talk and cuddle and go on dates if you feel like it. Online you can still do normal talks and romantic corney stuff if you want to!

 

Maybe she wasn't comfortable enough to be open about this things before and she has wanted it all along, so I think this speaks good about you. The fact you think that she should be able to have an orgasm without waiting on your approval does show that you are not completely comfortable with orgasm denial... but maybe for her that is a big turn on, so if you help by delaying her orgasms for a bit it might be much more satisfying to her, is not about not letting her have it but building it up to be stronger if that makes sense.

 

From the kink stuff she has mentioned:

- anal, you might want to consider sending her a butt plug and when you feel like it order her to wear it for a while. Please be considerate with the design and size if she is going to wear it for long periods of time.

- sex in public space, closest thing would be masturbation in a public place since you are not around and with covid limiting our outings is kind of trickier, the safest bet would be to join a kik group or discord server that is NSFW friendly and have her post sexy pictures there. Make sure to talk about how far she is comfortable with going before you start giving those kinds of orders.

 

My only concern is that you say "keep playing the roles" so you might be assuming is a role, sure, it can be. But until you have a clear talk with her about it you will not know if it's roleplay or lifestyle to her so I think it's important that you clear that out.

 

If it turns out it's a lifestyle for her then you need to decide if it's something you want long term because is not going anywhere.

[daddymind]

There is also orgasm denial/teasing. You can actually buy vibrators which can be manipulated via a phone app long distance (assuming there is internet connection). One is called Lush 2 by Lovense (no I don't work for them!). It's reasonably priced and looks like a lot of fun. Make her wear it out in public and keep the app open so you can tease her. Make it so that she can only orgasm from that toy, so you have control.

[Taheen]

Thanks for the advice!

It's not that I'm uncomfortable with orgasm denial, I think its a question of how obedient she is/going to be. If my 'orders' (or lack of them) can't stop her from pleasing herself, then I would like my words to have weight, so I need to come up with some suitable punishments - wearing a small butt plug for a time is an idea, thanks for the tip!

What other punishments could I use???

 

Right now it's kind of like playing a role, because neither of us have tried this before so it's very new. We'll talk and see where it goes I guess.