Having trouble being a consistent daddy dom

[76will]

My little and I recently broke up due to my inability to be a daddy dom. I never been a dom before due to the miss labeling of this behavior being toxic so I repressed it most of my life for my past relationships and my former little said i am too nice for this and doesn’t believe that this is who I am. Largely due to my inconsistency and inability to stay in daddy mode. I have trouble because of the stress of being in charge, I work “two jobs” at the moment (Grubhub but my full time job is a cancer researcher) to keep us a float during her leave from her job to improve her mental health from her PhD program. Sometimes I just feel tired and relax without her in the room but I take it too far sometimes and end up spending a few hours by myself instead of tending to my little which made her feel lonely and neglected. Is there any helpful tips to prevent this from happening in the future? I want to be able to be a dom for 24/7 like my former little wanted and wanted to know if there is anything I could due to make this slowly more into a habit/lifestyle. I’ve broken my former little heart by consistently failing her every time I said I would try harder and don’t want this to happen again.

[daddymind]

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. You work two jobs, one of which I imagine bears a particularly significant amount of pressure. You are only human and only have so much energy to expend. The fact that you WANT to give more to your little shows you are the real deal and your intentions are good. But I also understand that you need time to yourself, sometimes extended time, and you feel guilty for that. I have to say that it's probably unrealistic to do the 24/7 thing right now given how hard you're working, depending on how much she needs from you. She needs to understand that you are supporting her with these two jobs and that, for the time being at least, she is going to have to accept some compromise. Don't make any promises to her about how much you can give her. Better to be honest about the situation than build her up and let her down. Bills need to be paid. Your time is energy, no matter where it is spent. And what both of you WANT is perhaps different from what is necessary at this time. Sit down with her and just be honest about why this compromise has to exist and that it won't be forever. Sometimes communicating what we want to do is enough, even if we can't deliver it right now. But being honest about what has to be done right now is just as important. Letting her know this is temporary and that everything is working towards the goal of a more 24/7 thing might help to put her in the right mind frame. Stating that goal emphatically will help both of you put things into perspective. Good luck to you.

[76will]

First of all, don't be so hard on yourself. You work two jobs, one of which I imagine bears a particularly significant amount of pressure. You are only human and only have so much energy to expend. The fact that you WANT to give more to your little shows you are the real deal and your intentions are good. But I also understand that you need time to yourself, sometimes extended time, and you feel guilty for that. I have to say that it's probably unrealistic to do the 24/7 thing right now given how hard you're working, depending on how much she needs from you. She needs to understand that you are supporting her with these two jobs and that, for the time being at least, she is going to have to accept some compromise. Don't make any promises to her about how much you can give her. Better to be honest about the situation than build her up and let her down. Bills need to be paid. Your time is energy, no matter where it is spent. And what both of you WANT is perhaps different from what is necessary at this time. Sit down with her and just be honest about why this compromise has to exist and that it won't be forever. Sometimes communicating what we want to do is enough, even if we can't deliver it right now. But being honest about what has to be done right now is just as important. Letting her know this is temporary and that everything is working towards the goal of a more 24/7 thing might help to put her in the right mind frame. Stating that goal emphatically will help both of you put things into perspective. Good luck to you.

Thank you it means a lot to hear that, I also had some struggle when I worked the one full time job. I would do it consistently for a week but then when my little wouldn’t be in little space I would have to work hard to get her into it and eventually it would end up my full responsibility to put her and keep in little space and it is. Any advice on how to be able to consistently stay in daddy mode? We would make a schedule and stick to it for a bit but then she wouldn’t want to do what is on schedule which made it easier for both of us to feel off.

[baby_k]

Can't advice on how o stay in daddymode but main thing is to know yourself, your likes and limits. You need to be able to know and tell the little on what you can do and to what you can commit. She can them decide if that is enough for her.

 

I find it bit like contradiction when you say you want to do the 24/7 daddy thing and also say that it feels like a job. So, what you truly want? It is btw okay to want something bit less intense.

 

I expect consistency from my partner but that doesn't mean they would need to "daddy me" whole time. It means they are respectful and considerate, and communicate clearly what's going on. For example them saying "I'm super tired because of work baby, do you mind if I take a nap?" if they don't have want or energy to hang out with me. ( Some may get triggerred that this is asking permission, imo that is just being polite and considerate. If I have for some reason rejection to that request, it can be sorted immediately and there will be no hard feeling or disapointments from anyone was all was talked through. Even mostly who would say no to that request? ).

[MysticSand]

I think you're trying too hard to force yourself into being something you're not. I feel like you're essentially asking for help to change who you are.

In my opinion, being a dom isn't something that's forced. It's just something that is innately part of your personality and isn't really something that I think should be 24/7 because as the above posters have stated, things need to be done whether there's a DDLG dynamic or not.

 

I think the real heart of this issue is just that you were a mismatch for each other. There's no such thing as being too dom/little or not being dom/little enough.

There's just who you are and someone who either fits with who you are or are looking to make you into what they're looking for (which would be bad). Sure you change a bit when considering the needs and wants of your partner, but at the end of the day I don't think you should be forcing yourself to be someone you're not. Everyone needs time for themselves and to do to what they need to in order to just exist and have a life.

 

Recognize your own needs and wants as a person first, or it'll be all too easy to set both you and your partner up for failed expectations.