Thoughts/Tips on clingyness?

[Guest mariposa]

Just wondering what everyone thinks about clingyness/overpouring yourself when it comes to friendships and relationships. I feel like as a person I'm quite clingy and always tend to pour alot of energy into the people I love. I just wanted to know if there's anything I could do to maybe lessen that? Since I feel like it's not really a good thing. People I've met have either really liked it or not which I think it's totally like up to preference. But I was just curious on what you guys think. 

[RavenclawPrincess]

Personally, I'm more inclined to be standoffish or withdraw over being clingy, and that's not really the norm for most littles, at least among the group that I know. Given that fact I don't think I'm equipped to advise you on how to be less clingy, as I don't have experience with trying to lessen that. At the end of the day, we are who we are. From conversations that I've had, it seems to me that clingyness is usually a desirable trait in a little, just gotta make sure that it isn't at a borderline psychotic level I guess. It's common for CGs to equate a clingy little to having a sense of feeling needed, and as far as other littles go mutual clingyness seems to work out alright, so I don't think you necessarily need to worry about not being clingy. Ultimately, just be yourself. If someone doesn't like it then oh well, there's plenty of other people out there for friendships and partnerships that are more compatible. Don't look at other peoples standards in terms of looking at what is and isn't right when it comes to your personality. Plenty of people will like you just fine the way you are. 

[LittleAndStitch]

I'm the same in the sense that I pour a lot of love into the people I care about. I feel that the only way you can "over-pour" is if it begins to negatively affect you or strain the relationship. Other than that I just let lose on the love lol. That being said, I try to make sure that I'm not clingy to point where I forget I'm a mature adult. Basically I just make sure my clinginess doesn't turn into insecurity.

 

I have bad abandonment issues so sometimes I'll try to hold on too tightly and wind up pushing the other person away. I do my best to check my behavior to ensure that I'm not projecting my own problems onto other people. Even if that means taking a tiny break from a particular person to make sure I'm where I need to be emotionally. Taking a break doesn't mean that I love them any less I just need some me time. 

 

Hope this helps!

[Guest Big.Daddy.James]

Don't change who you are. If some people don't appreciate it, then those people are not for you! You need to find someone who will love you for you, and is most probably just as clingy as you. It's not hard, either. There are plenty of Daddies who enjoy giving and receiving affection on a regular basis. It's kinda part of the job description! The only advice i can give you to maybe keep the clinginess to a healthy level would be to think (just for a couple of seconds) before you send out that text or make a comment. Think about what the message implies and if it is too much. Maybe you sent too many texts, maybe you're not giving that person enough time to breathe and relax. Sometimes it can come off as too strong and we don't even realize it. It happens to everyone. Once you think about it like that, you'll know when to tone it down a bit and what to do. In any case, once you find someone who doesn't take you for granted and loves you, i'm sure it won't be an issue.

 

People who are more affectionate and "clingy" have big hearts and are usually kind-hearted, but that's what makes you special. Never feel bad for giving someone you love affection!

 

Hope it all works out

 

~BDJ

[Guest mariposa]

Thank you guys it means alot. ♡ I'll def take all of that into consideration. 

[Guest Teasing Tink]

I'm the same way. I desire a certain level of intensity and depth in my relationships and in life that not everyone can or wants to match. To each their own but I feel that clingy people do best with fellow clingy people. In enneagram terms (a personality system), this would most likely mean your primary instinct is the intimacy instinct over the self-preservation and social instincts. People who have the intimacy instinct first tend to crave intensity in their relationships and just with things in general. I can accommodate for people with different preferences and tone myself down just so it's easier to digest/keep up with, but I generally wind up being closest to people who can match me/reciprocate or at least have a desire to. I understand not everyone has the energy levels or time for things but at the same time, people make time for the things/people that are important to them.

 

I see clingyness as an endearing thing so long as you're respectful of others' boundaries and you're not becoming dependent and can still enjoy doing things alone, doing your own thing. I think some people who call people too clingy might be emotionally unavailable which is its own problem. So you can have extremes on either end of the spectrum. No need to tone yourself down so long as you're healthy. And if you're healthy and finding you have to tone yourself down all the time, you're probably just incompatible/barking up the wrong tree.