my Daddy cheated on me

[Daddys_sweet_kitten]

I’m hurting really bad. My Daddy cheated on me with another woman that he has been talking to over the past two years, as long as we’ve been together. He was with her three times, the last being in February. He ended his friendship but I just can’t see how I can trust him again. This was my first DDlg relationship and I don’t see myself doing it with anyone else. We’re trying to move forward. He says he loves me and has changed. It hurts because of all of the lies and deceit. It hurts because I love him so much. Betrayal is the worst from someone you love. This woman was into denying men, something that I just cannot do as the person I am. I want to please him and am naturally submissive. I edge him but because I know it pleases him. I don’t know what to do. I’m so very sad.

[Lollipox]

Leave him. He doesn't deserve your submission and companionship.

I know it's easy for me to say since it won't affect me personally, but I think a lot of people will agree that it won't be worth the amount of suffering and hard work on your part to grow your trust with him again. And nobody can promise that he won't do it again- I mean, he can but that doesn't mean it's true.

 

Don't be afraid to be alone. I know you will probably be sad for a while and it'll take time to heal, that's expected. It's difficult to pull away from someone you loved even if they've hurt you a lot.

But the time of hurt that's yet to come, should be used for healing from your breakup with someone who didn't deserve you, rather than healing to be with someone who doesn't deserve you.

[Daddys_sweet_kitten]

[Lollipox]

thank you

[RomanticAussieDaddyDom]

Leave him. He doesn't deserve your submission and companionship.

I know it's easy for me to say since it won't affect me personally, but I think a lot of people will agree that it won't be worth the amount of suffering and hard work on your part to grow your trust with him again. And nobody can promise that he won't do it again- I mean, he can but that doesn't mean it's true.

 

Don't be afraid to be alone. I know you will probably be sad for a while and it'll take time to heal, that's expected. It's difficult to pull away from someone you loved even if they've hurt you a lot.

But the time of hurt that's yet to come, should be used for healing from your breakup with someone who didn't deserve you, rather than healing to be with someone who doesn't deserve you.

 

 

I completely agree! @Daddys_Sweet_Kitten You Deserve So Much Better! 

 

Personally, as a man, as a daddy and as a person; cheating to me is the ultimate form of physical and emotional betrayal. Anyone who betrays your trust, especially in the context of cheating on you and in this case, your submission; should never be trusted again. Being able to trust someone to guide and protect the most vulnerable element of your being, your submission, is of the utmost importance and breaking that trust is unforgivable. 

 

I know you're struggling and I know that having that person there may make you feel better in the short-term but I think it would be best for you to move on. It's not worth suffering through the emotional distress of trying to re-build the trust element of a relationship, an element that should've never been broken by the person who loved you. 

 

I know leaving this person will be hard at first but it'll be worth it long-term. Moving on and healing will be beneficial not just for you but also for your future partner, in terms of learning to trust again and not having the doubts that you've unfortunately had throughout this relationship. I'm unsure if I interpreted the last part of your post correctly ("denying men..."), however, it doesn't sound like he's dominant? If I interpreted that correctly, I think he might actually be submissive... 

 

I hope you're ok and that you can heal from this. Please don't rush the healing process, take your time! 

 

Sincerely,

Lion-King

[Daddys_sweet_kitten]

Thank you my heart hurts

[Barney048]

Okay, I would like to weigh in here as well. First of all , let's forget the fact that your partner cheated on you. What really matters is that you can no longer trust him. Once trust is lost you can never get it back, especially with a loved one. Even if he didn't cheat and only just talked with a girl behind your back and met up for drinks while cocealing it, it'd be no less of an issue.

 

Let's say you somehow convince yourself to give him another chance. There will always be this lil voice in your head screaming "he's decieving you!" , which will grow into paranoia with time. I'm ignoring everything else that you have written in your post, because the only thing that really matters is the "I just can’t see how I can trust him" line.

 

The main reason you are posting this here, despite knowing fully well that there is no future left to explore in this relationship, is that you are lowkey hoping that someone will convince you otherwise, since you still love him. But If anyone tryies,  I, and everyone above, will be your voice of reason.

 

Anyway, my reply may seem uncompassionate, but i believe in being direct and analysing the sittuation objectively when the person in question can't.

[daddymind]

The paranoia will be difficult to shake. As a natural submissive, you might find the need to keep him in check after this betrayal exhausting. Think about that because even if a partner is willing to forgive cheating, they still have to lay down the law pretty firmly until trust is restored. Some partners who are victims of cheating might request a random phone check for a certain period, or even indefinitely, for example.

 

As a guy who is also into denial and edging, this is typically a very strong desire, even need, for some men, which often requires a partner who is equally into giving it. It's really wonderful that you did this to please him, but I get the feeling he craves more natural dominance with that. So there may also be a sexual compatibility issue here that you would need to accept even if you were to give him another chance. Cheating, obviously, was a disgraceful thing for him to do. This should have been an ongoing conversation with both of you clearly stating your needs and deciding whether or not both of you can fulfil those needs, with an acceptable compromise if needs be. If you had this conversation, and he decided he needed more, he should have been honest about that and saved you this heartache a long time ago.

[SmolAetherr]

honestly, being alone is not as bad as some people think, the main pro is you wont need to second guess your partner over and over

 

you will be fine, i can promise that because there are many.. many people out there in your position and that all find a way through and often times find their way to something much better than they had before!

[Daddys_sweet_kitten]

He is a switch. As am I, however I lean more submissive. I’m naturally a very forgiving person and only need one reason to stay. Even though there is everything pointing towards me to leave, I see the good in him. Because I love him. As someone who has gone through a lot of abuse in her life, I allowed myself to let down all of my walls and become what I did unexpectedly with him. His little girl. And it was the most beautiful and sweetest love I’ve ever felt. I don’t know if it was a sexual compatibility issue as we’ve had the most intense sexual relationship that flows many ways. However, that has always been my main insecurity. Not being enough. He naturally loves to deny me orgasms. Long term denial has been our thing. Occasionally he’d let me have my way with him but I’ve had a hard time with it being a natural submissive. And really, why the hell does sex even matter? That’s another reason why I am so upset. Love is my deepest need. And I hate that people lie and deceive, hurting the ones that love them the most. I have been wavering a lot. Thank you all for your advice.

[Guest Teasing Tink]

Ouch, that hurts. Especially it being your first DD/lg relationship. It sounds like y'all were incompatible in some areas which caused him to seek for things outside the relationship (not that that excuses it). It was kind of you to try to accomodate him there though. It can be hard to trust just someone's words after a betrayal. I say no reason why you can't forgive him but still both move on to more compatible (and in your case, faithful) partners so it's more of a win-win situation. But if you decide to stay, that's your choice and I don't think there's any shame in that either. I don't buy into the whole: "once a cheater, always a cheater" unless the person is a narcissistic serial cheater. A one time offense is different. I'm not sure which type he is. However, if there's a major incompatibility and the denial thing is super important to him, it might be something he's always tempted to do and may not be worth the trouble of trying to force yourselves to fit together.

 

Edit: I posted before seeing your last post. People value different things -- some weighing more importance than others. I'm not really sure what's going on entirely with the compatibility then cuz I'm not inside your relationship. I do know that people tend to cheat to recapture some parts of themselves they feel they have lost though. It's a complex topic.

Edited June 20, 2020 by Teasing Tink

[daddymind]

He naturally loves to deny me orgasms. Long term denial has been our thing. Occasionally he’d let me have my way with him but I’ve had a hard time with it being a natural submissive. And really, why the hell does sex even matter? That’s another reason why I am so upset. Love is my deepest need. And I hate that people lie and deceive, hurting the ones that love them the most. I have been wavering a lot. Thank you all for your advice.

 

Actually him being a switch should make the compatibility thing a bit easier (in my humble opinion). Sex isn't everything, clearly, but it does matter to some more than others. The point stands that he betrayed you and he has to earn your trust back somehow. I guess it comes down to what you need to trust him again, whether or not he's willing to give you that, and whether or not you can continue to feel your submissive, complete self during that.

[Daddys_sweet_kitten]

His words to me..

“My heart grew callus over years of feeling unloved. Unneeded. Then that callus produced thorns that grew inwards. I know I was damaged and twisted and ugly. I wouldn’t let myself feel love. Your love. See it shining and there just waiting for me to accept it. I didn’t feel like I was worth it. Not really. So I didn’t embrace it. What a fool I was. It’s so clear how much you love me. And how precious that love is. Which devastates me at what I’ve done now that the fog is lifted. The callus has been ripped off. The thorns remain, because of my actions but my heart is open. Fully. If it gets destroyed, so be it. I understand now that I have to be open to the risk for the possibility of reward. So I’ll stand naked, heart out. Lighting the fire of my former scared, self-loathing betraying self. I know it’s only a metaphor but when I mentally lose did that I felt a weight lifted and for once a clear path. And that path leads to you.

 

I want to be the one that makes you smile with stupid jokes, inappropriate touching or comments in public and passionate whispers of what I want to do with you. To proudly walk with you, show you off, take you to meet my family. Look after you when you’re sick. Take baths in uncomfortably small tubs with you. Take all kinds of pictures with you. Let you rub me with all kinds of smelly things that make you smile. Win you prizes at carnivals. Be ok being terrible learning dances with you. Hold you when your anxieties take over. Soothe you. Be what I know I can be to make you the happiest girl ever. Because I have so much love to give you. And I’m prepared to give it. And you deserve it. I can’t lose you. That’s so painfully clear. I’m going to give you the real relationship you deserve. The best of me that I have to give. The only part that remains. I can’t lose you. Because I love all the pieces of you with all the pieces of me.”

[Littlenicole40]

He is a switch. As am I, however I lean more submissive. I’m naturally a very forgiving person and only need one reason to stay. Even though there is everything pointing towards me to leave, I see the good in him. Because I love him. As someone who has gone through a lot of abuse in her life, I allowed myself to let down all of my walls and become what I did unexpectedly with him. His little girl. And it was the most beautiful and sweetest love I’ve ever felt. I don’t know if it was a sexual compatibility issue as we’ve had the most intense sexual relationship that flows many ways. However, that has always been my main insecurity. Not being enough. He naturally loves to deny me orgasms. Long term denial has been our thing. Occasionally he’d let me have my way with him but I’ve had a hard time with it being a natural submissive. And really, why the hell does sex even matter? That’s another reason why I am so upset. Love is my deepest need. And I hate that people lie and deceive, hurting the ones that love them the most. I have been wavering a lot. Thank you all for your advice.

 

I just wanna say that you can see the good in someone and even still love someone, but also choose to move forward in a direction that does not involve them, romantically.  I’ve often felt like I needed someone there and I’m alone now and it hasn’t killed me.  Actually my last relationship involved a lot of great things, but the few things that were major no-no’s or deal breakers, well, no amount of good things could make up for those. No matter how big my love was for him, it was never big enough to cancel out the doubt or questioning I have myself about my self-worth and things I needed to or could have done to keep things/make things better  It took me a long time to realize that just because I loved someone, that didn’t mean that was enough of a reason to stay.  Or enough of a reason to compromise myself on any level.  

 

And I want to say something really loud to you right now, so imagine me saying it super loud and read it again and again if you have to.  Something I have learned and is also very freeing:

 

What he did to step outside of your relationship says nothing about you.  It’s about him.  

 

I know it’s not like you’re totally writing out that you feel like you didn’t do enough, but I can see myself in some of what you’re writing now, and I finally realized that was me trying to fix myself for him...  You shouldn’t have to work on this to fix yourself or have to find a way to be able to be comfortable enough with him again because he even remotely deserves it.  What he did says something about him, and his ability to be trusted as a caretaker.  If there’s anything I’ve learned from the very few people I know involved in a real/not just sexual fantasy fulfillment DDlg relationship, it’s that trust is so important, and a daddy who was mature and capable enough to be a real daddy would never betray his little like that.  How could he possibly mentor you and guide you to make good choices as your daddy when he clearly wasn’t doing that with his own life?  I know you love him, but you can still do that without trying to compromise your feelings and hurt right now.  I know it’s totally none of my business, but I want to try and remind you that he doesn’t just have a right or deserve to be your daddy.  As a lg, you get to make that choice to pick the daddy who deserves you and your submission and trust.  He broke any contract of trust that you had in what he did - and in a bigger, more deceptive way by concealing and maintaining some sort of relationship for, I think you said the whole time you have been together.  Just from an outsider looking in, I can’t help but wonder what else he may not be very forthcoming about.  Is there a chance you could work things out in the future?  I mean, sure, but that does NOT mean you have to stay in your current dynamic right now.  It sounds like he needs to grow up and fix whatever problem that is really going on in his life - to work on himself.  

 

And as someone else mentioned, being alone ain’t so bad.  Sometimes it can be a little sucky if you’re not used to it, but once you get comfortable with yourself, it’s a bit freeing and satisfying to be alone and know that it’s not only your choice to be alone, but it’s your choice to be with someone too.  You deserve to be with someone deserving of you.  If he really is deserving of you, he’ll get his shit together and prove it OVER TIME.  If you meet someone else who is better or more deserving in the meantime, too bad so sad. Maybe he should have been a better daddy.  

 

I hope you take all I said with love and support.  I just feel like I was where you were at recently and it is SO SO hard to make a decision to go when you love someone so much, but it’s not the wrong decision to move forward. And you CAN still love someone from a distance and be respecting yourself and moving forward with your life at the same time.  Hugs.  

Edited June 20, 2020 by Littlenicole40

[The RealDaddyCat]

Well the 1st thing would be to kick him to the curb, yes daddy's are just humans but they hold themselves to a higher standard or at least should.

 

2nd thing would be do not give up on this lifestyle they're are actually real daddy's out there who understand what it means to be committed.

[Littlenicole40]

His words to me..

“My heart grew callus over years of feeling unloved. Unneeded. Then that callus produced thorns that grew inwards. I know I was damaged and twisted and ugly. I wouldn’t let myself feel love. Your love. See it shining and there just waiting for me to accept it. I didn’t feel like I was worth it. Not really. So I didn’t embrace it. What a fool I was. It’s so clear how much you love me. And how precious that love is. Which devastates me at what I’ve done now that the fog is lifted. The callus has been ripped off. The thorns remain, because of my actions but my heart is open. Fully. If it gets destroyed, so be it. I understand now that I have to be open to the risk for the possibility of reward. So I’ll stand naked, heart out. Lighting the fire of my former scared, self-loathing betraying self. I know it’s only a metaphor but when I mentally lose did that I felt a weight lifted and for once a clear path. And that path leads to you.

 

I want to be the one that makes you smile with stupid jokes, inappropriate touching or comments in public and passionate whispers of what I want to do with you. To proudly walk with you, show you off, take you to meet my family. Look after you when you’re sick. Take baths in uncomfortably small tubs with you. Take all kinds of pictures with you. Let you rub me with all kinds of smelly things that make you smile. Win you prizes at carnivals. Be ok being terrible learning dances with you. Hold you when your anxieties take over. Soothe you. Be what I know I can be to make you the happiest girl ever. Because I have so much love to give you. And I’m prepared to give it. And you deserve it. I can’t lose you. That’s so painfully clear. I’m going to give you the real relationship you deserve. The best of me that I have to give. The only part that remains. I can’t lose you. Because I love all the pieces of you with all the pieces of me.”

 

Such nice things he should have already been doing as a committed daddy taking care of you.  You know, there are a lot of guys (people not just guys) who are super great at lip service and standing up and raising their hands to say hey, I’m wrong, I’m so sorry, etc when they get caught.  In my honest opinion, you need to kick him to the curb and free yourself for a while - of anyone.  If he legit means anything he says or is saying, he will love you from afar and leave you alone to live your best life - with or without him.  And for real, if he is a “changed man” and wants to do any of these things for/with you, he’ll buckle down and be a good human being and it’ll work out in the end.  If he really loves you, he should know, deep down inside, he done messed up and the best thing for you IS for you to walk away.  

 

Honestly, if you do something wrong as a little, there is a consequence, right??  Just because he’s daddy doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have any.  He broke like one of if not the biggest trust boundary out there (unless you were openly poly or something and even then trust and communication is so key).  He deserves to go be alone and figure his shit out or move on.  

 

Good luck.  I know this has to be so hard.

[Daddys_sweet_kitten]

[Littlenicole40]

this has destroyed my self-esteem

 

Please read what I mentioned before - this is about HIM and his issues and not you.  I’m sorry it’s killing your self-esteem, but honestly, it’s probably hard to give yourself credit for what you are doing.  You’re here, talking about, getting support, being honest about your feelings, and working on a super big and hard decision.  I think everyone responding here knows how hard it must be, especially when you don’t have that daddy to trust and go to for advice in a hard situation.  I think we all want to help support you and make sure you know we are proud of you and we all want to help you do the healthiest thing for YOU.  

 

You deserve your best life and sometimes that means change.  Change is scary, but we are all here to help support you!!  

Edited June 20, 2020 by Littlenicole40