Struggling to cope...

[PriincessTori]

TRIGGER WARNING - SUICIDE, HOSPITALS, GENERAL MENTALLY UNSTABILITY.

please please make sure you're okay to read before you do, i don't want to trigger any of you guys.

 

 

 

hey guys.

 

this is probably not even the right place to put any of this but i don't know where else to turn to where people don't know me personally.

 

on thursday morning things got way too much for me and i attempted to take my own life, i overdosed on paracetamol in the hope of it killing me and ended up in the hospital for a couple nights. i'm dealing with it and the pysch team are involved and looking after me, i have a lot of support which is amazing - you really do realise how many people love you at a time like that.

 

anyway, the thing i'm really struggling with is that somebody who i'm talking to, he is so mad at me for doing what i did, he can't get over it nor can he forgive me for it.. and it's really hard to deal with. he isn't being comforting about it because he says being nice isn't going to help me, he is just so angry and hurt that'd id do this. he says he wants to push me away incase i do it again so he doesn't get hurt when i go. i'm just not sure how to deal with it?? i keep asking him to be nice and support me but whilst he's being angry about it i just don't know what to do.

 

i know suicide is a completely selfish decision, i'm aware of that.. when you're in that mind frame you don't think about other people you just wanna end the pain, i know i would've hurt people if i succeeded in killed myself but you only realise that after. i think in his mind he's being cruel to be kind but it is hurting me a lot more.

 

thank you so much in advance if you've read this far and for any advise.

 

tori x x 

Edited June 14, 2020 by PriincessTori

[LeanBlaster]

Dear, do you mind i call you dear? Dear, i know that pain, i been going through it lately too, the last person i had around that i could trust left me and i had no one, i also went that road, i know its hard, i know the pain was unbearable and your mind showed you that you had little to not options out of the tight spot you were. 

My suggestion right now would make the person leave your life, that is a not good person to you, and it proved it to you right now, i know it will hurt but you will heal, you have support, and sometimes you know its working on healing/helping you when it hurts, for example when you fall and scratch yourself you usually clean the wound and it hurts doesn't it? its part of life, you did something that wasn't good for you, its true but many people know that is the moment need the most support and if they can understand that i am sorry to hear that but you have to let him go for your own sake,

Dear, if you need company just to distract your mind or vent, just chat, anything please feel free to ask for any social media i have almost everything most used, i am not saying this as a daddy, i am saying this as a brother that struggle and know how painful it is too, you are not alone and your struggles are valid, and i am very proud of you for still being here today with us, the world wouldn't b the same without you i guarantee 

 

May your little heart be your guiding key 

[Drillbit46]

Tori, that person you are talking to is not a good fit for you, especially if he is angry at you for this and making you feel worse for doing it. I strongly would advise considering removing him from your life. If they can't show you compassion, love, and do their best to give you support and comfort during times like this, I would question their true intent with you and the kind of person they truly are. Their actions and the way they are talking to you and treating is a huge red flag. No one can make this decision for you, so I would ask you to think very hard on if you think it's worth keeping them in your life or if you need to drop contact with them. The way they are handling all of that has happened is not acceptable in anyway. I am very concerned about them being that way and it worries me.

 

You are not alone in this battle against depression. I battle it as well myself and I have been in your same situation as well. If you ever want to talk you can always send me a message/friend request. I'm always here for anyone in need!

 

Embrace the support system and the ones who have shown their true colors for you. Every step forward in healing and recovering is worth counting, no matter how big or small it is. Take pride in it, maybe you made a huge step forward, be proud of your self, or maybe you only managed to get out of bed today and do the minimum amount of things required, that is still worth being proud of. Because it shows you are moving forward and growing stronger everyday.

 

Something I learned in life through my own hardships that I hope you take to heart and remember, is that it can't rain forever, and when the storm is at it's darkest, your friends, family, and loved ones will be the lighthouse that guides you home safely.

 

I'm also proud of you for sharing something so personal with the community here, that took a lot of strength as well!

[Alaskan Daddy]

First of I am so glad you are still with us here on earth. Lots of people react  to suicide as this man did. They don't understand what you are feeling at the time to take your life. For me I thought as this man did at one time in my life. It was not until I put my preconceived thoughts aside and actually opened my heart to someone I knew and loved made an honest effort to put myself in their shoes could I really understand what suicide is for most people. It was at that moment that I realized that what she was feeling was not who she was in her heart but something she struggled with.  I understand that you had to being through a lot of emotional pain to attempt to take your own life. I don't agree with how you were treated by this man, but I do understand it. His reaction and how he treated you is so very common. 

How he treated you did not come from a place of love, but from a place of selfish anger. He was only thinking of the pain and anguish that it might cause him if you had succeeded. He was not thinking of the emotional pain you were feeling at the time to put you in a head space where you thought suicide was the only option for yourself. 

If he really cared and loved you he would take the time to be happy you are alive and give you the love and support you need to understand why you wanted to take your own life get you the help you need to prevent you from getting to such a dark place in your mind in the future.

You already know of the horrible affects of what would have happened to all of your loved ones around you. You don't need that thrown in your face right now. 

One of the most beautiful things that I ever experienced was with the last girlfriend I had. She had suicide struggles also. We had a LDR relationship at the time and I knew about her struggles. One day she was in a very dark space and reached out to me and told me she was going to end her life. I knew there was nothing I could say to talk her out of doing it. I felt this horrible pain in my heart but I knew what she was feeling was worst than my pain. She told me not to call her again after she hung up. I decided to call her one more time and tell her that I was going to miss her so much. It was only when she felt the pain I was going to go through and realized that there was actually someone in this world who loved her for who she was that she stopped her plan.

My point is that I never thought of her suicide attempt was coming from a place of selfishness but from a place of great emotional pain. I felt the love she had for me by reaching out to me and sharing the last moments she had left on this earth with me. 

Please don't beat yourself up. You are on your way to healing by confronting your emotional demons and trying to control them instead of having them control you.

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I don't know if my words have helped you but I do know that our words have helped me