I need a little help here.

[Bumble_Bee]

I'm new to this site but I need some help with my little. I don't know why but she's scared to go into little space, she doesn't like it when I tell her that I'll be there for her and take care of her. It's like she doesn't believe me.

She still lives with her family, just for context.

 

"I feel like I’m being annoying.... and I feel like I’m being judged..... My mom has always told me she doesn’t want me being one of those 20 year old people who plays with toys...."

 

That's what she told me. She has also said that she's been hurt before in little space, but as far as I know she hasn't known she was a little till recently (past half a year) and I'm not sure what I can do to help her feel better about it.

[SmolAetherr]

from what you have told me the only thing that springs to mind is that you should just keep doing what you are doing, be gentle and never forceful trying to force little space wont end well for either of you, maybe have an adult talk about that is "blocking" her

[little-luna]

maybe just continue to support and be aware of her feelings and thoughts...

it kinda sounds like shes super self-aware/or self-conscious...(or both?) and not ready to dive deep in yet.

i think.. if chu guys are patient wif each other, especially in communication... itll get better *nods*

Edited June 14, 2020 by little-luna

[Bumble_Bee]

Alright, thanks for the help and advice. She opened up to me a little bit more so I understand more about why she was closed off with being little. Past "caregivers", if you can call them that, shamed her for being little. Edited June 14, 2020 by Bumble_Bee

[Alaskan Daddy]

As with any relationship your little is telling you her feelings and those feelings are real. As much as you want her to open up and trust you more, her little side just can't do it now. I don't think it has anything to do with you but of how she has been hurt in the past and also the words of her mother. I feel she has tried to help you understand why she feel the way she does. Try to be patient and not take things personally. This is what she is struggling with at this time in her life. Just give her the best care you can and try not to push things and let what ever happens come naturally. I can tell you care and love her. 

When she tells you that she feels like she is being 'annoying' it is truly how she feels. No matter how many times you tell she is not she may still get those feelings. That is just something she struggles with. I had a litlte that would tell  me that she felt like she is bothering me when she asks me for anything and I just accepted that is how she was feeling because of how she was treated before I met her.

I hope this helps a little bit. Just be patient and loving and good things will happen

[LeanBlaster]

I am kinda new to being a daddy only ldr, but my advice would be to continue doing what you are doing, no need to push them, just show you validate their feeling, show you are a safeplace, reassure you are there to them and you want them to be as comfortable as possible and be open and kind, many people abuse little's for their needy way of being and this happens a lot unfortunately... so be there, if hey talk the same again assure them you are not going to be like that and that they can take their time to get comfortable, but never tell them they are annoying on little space, that is one of the most common scars i seen in many little's on my page >~< many abandoned little space for bad stuff that happened while they were there, i wish you both the best and i hpe you too will be happy together and work that out! 

[princessfreckles]

Definitely let her ease into little space on her own time. I'd definitely build her up and let her know that there is nothing wrong with being a little and playing with toys. What helped me accept that I was a middle was that when I was watching teen movies and shows, at that point I wasn't my actual age. I was in little space and my mindset was that of a middle. I for real was like, "I'm doing what a real person in the middle age group does." So that helped ease things for me. 

 

If it's possible (Idk if you're long distance, how open your area is with lifting restrictions), is to have her over to your place if you're able. She may feel better about going into little space when she's away from the judgement from her family. Again, I can relate to a judgmental family. They know nothing about me being a middle, but they're judgy af if something doesn't fit into their box, and that will spoil any happiness I have. 

 

Last, does she have any little friends nearby? It may be beneficial for her to chat with other littles about little space and how some handle living with family and being a little. Possibly even get a mentor who is a fellow little? Maybe you could meet another CG/little or an unattached little who she or both of you can befriend. It may be helpful to set up a play date somewhere away from her family if she meets some fellow littles who she gets along with. Seriously, being at a party full of littles immediately puts me into giggly happy little space. It's insane how quick it happens. As a caregiver idk if you and another caregiver would be prepared for a 6-7 giggly and silly littles.  Anyway, it may help ease her fears and reservations if she's around other littles. She may forget all the negative and focus on playing games, watching a movie, doing crafts, etc with the other littles. 

 

No matter how many solutions or how much support you offer (I know caregivers love to be problem solvers for their littles), this has to be something she decides to do. She'll have to work through the negativity from her mom, and the past hurt she suffered. Only time can do that. You can definitely be there to listen, comfort her, and help her as she needs (and asks for) it while she works through all over her emotions over getting back into little space.  

[Guest Minister Judas]

The most important thing I can say, the most important thing I can ever believe, is that you must be patient. Security and trust are things that have to be built together.

 

She is going to respond more positively down the line if you give her the comfort and security she needs while living in such a negative environment. Say that you can wait, that you will wait, for her to get into the place she needs until she is ready to space again. Structure and reliability are insanely important, especially when your little is in a situation in which she doesn't feel safe to be herself. Make it implicitly clear that you will be there no matter what happens. Being in the caregiver role, you will be seen as the one who provides the example of how to move forward in times of duress, and you will be expected to be able to be counted on for the sake of her feeling like you are truly going to stay.

 

I dunno. I'm not the best Daddy in the world, but I hold these sorts of values as majorly important.