Lonely

[xlouise]

So like... I am a very quiet shy person and i dont mind it...I quite like to be alone and doing my own things especially when a lot of my hobbies I need to concentrate or have peace while doing so and I enjoy it. I do.

 

But...I've never had friends since I was 12. Nevermind a boyfriend. -sigh- (I will be 21 this year) consequently I get quite lonely at times. The feeling can become so overwhelming. I dont talk to anyone in real life.. because I simply cannot and dont know hoe to. Besides theres no opportunity to do so, no one even realiseS I am there.

 

Ive found my social needs slightly cared for by speaking to various people online. But it gets so so so repetitive... and quite frankly online talking just isnt for me, I guess. I am quiet and awkward when talking online and they all leave me and if they dont i leave them because its just...the same things i say. Its boring and tedious and some people want bad things. And i am vulnerable as i get attached easily as i dont have relationships... and they take advantage.

 

 

I want time to myself and be in peace...but yet i want company... its so hard.. and yet company online they are either bad bad people, dont understand, want to talk 24/7... or quite simply awkward to talk to.

 

Im just ranting i apologise.

No need to reply to me

 

I also want to add those who say they are lonely severely annoy me because i know a lot of them that say it arent truly. They dont , they cant even start to imagine what real lonliness can feel like. It makes me so incredibly angry.

[Guest BabyGirlE]

If you want company because you feel lonely, then you are the one that needs to change that. Whether it be online or in real life, you are the one in control of that. If you're lonely but don't want to talk to anyone, that's nobody's fault but your own. You have to put yourself out there. It doesn't sound like you're giving it much effort.

 

Others that are lonely shouldn't annoy you. They're no different than you. Do you annoy yourself? You're making the choice to be lonely.

[Guest NurturingSwitch]

The chat room can be a nice place for some company. You can also look for local meetups and activity groups. Maybe try and find a lonely person in your community who needs a friend and give them some company. Old people who live alone can become very isolated and lonely, for instance and may really appreciate even a 5 minute conversation. Try finding friends or activity groups based on things you enjoy, like joining a Dungeons and Dragons game or a Board Game meetup (after the pandemic). Another option is to get a job you think will help you meet a lot of people and make some friends (like a coffee shop). If there's not a lot of people your age, you could consider moving to a more fun city/country as a last resort. Good luck and hang in there.

[xlouise]

If you want company because you feel lonely, then you are the one that needs to change that. Whether it be online or in real life, you are the one in control of that. If you're lonely but don't want to talk to anyone, that's nobody's fault but your own. You have to put yourself out there. It doesn't sound like you're giving it much effort.

Others that are lonely shouldn't annoy you. They're no different than you. Do you annoy yourself? You're making the choice to be lonely.

If tou have noting nice to day dont say it at all. And get the hell out. Youre completely utterly wrong

[xlouise]

The chat room can be a nice place for some company. You can also look for local meetups and activity groups. Maybe try and find a lonely person in your community who needs a friend and give them some company. Old people who live alone can become very isolated and lonely, for instance and may really appreciate even a 5 minute conversation. Try finding friends or activity groups based on things you enjoy, like joining a Dungeons and Dragons game or a Board Game meetup (after the pandemic). Another option is to get a job you think will help you meet a lot of people and make some friends (like a coffee shop). If there's not a lot of people your age, you could consider moving to a more fun city/country as a last resort. Good luck and hang in there.

Thank you! I would try that for example a reading club or basketball or something I think I would really enjoy or even a painting one... i eould of course find it very difficult for a start due to my severe social anxiety but I really would love to be apart of something like that. I do go to one sport club but they mainly ignore me, im just the coaches daughter so...

Theres nothing else to go to since i live in the countryside.. the nearest small town is 15minutes and theres nothing there... and if there was its full of people who bullied me and in fact helped me be this way. Or my dear dear friends I lost when I was 12. The bigger town is 50minutes away.

 

My job consists of sewing so i actually do have time with old ladies but we arent really meant to talk - the boss gets annoyed especially since im a bit slow - quality over quantity. But then i only ever say hi or bye and i try to communicate but yeah its hard and i dont think theyre interested. And i feel so stupid and besides sometimes i just dont have anything to say or in some cases dont want to.. i like my space but that doesnt mean im not trying cough

[AsleepAndDreaming]

If you want company because you feel lonely, then you are the one that needs to change that. Whether it be online or in real life, you are the one in control of that. If you're lonely but don't want to talk to anyone, that's nobody's fault but your own. You have to put yourself out there. It doesn't sound like you're giving it much effort.

 

Others that are lonely shouldn't annoy you. They're no different than you. Do you annoy yourself? You're making the choice to be lonely.

 

Sorry but I have to take issue with this. Loneliness, and perhaps more importantly, the ability to be more socially active, is not a "choice". If it was, why would so many people in this world suffer from loneliness and a crippling inability to effectively interact with others? Do you seriously think the OP wants to feel so down? It's not about "putting yourself out there", it's about your heart, your soul and your brain all putting themselves together and trusting other people, and finding ways to make friends. And for some people (definitely for me), trust issues arising from previous experiences make that incredibly difficult. How do you know her background, her childhood experiences, her family situation? What the OP needs is guidance, encouragement and advice, not a three-line character assassination. She's already said has no idea how to connect with people, so it's clearly not just a matter of making some effort - simplifying the complexities of this really doesn't help. 

 

 

 

@xlouise - I hope you don't mind me replying to your post, I know you've said that there's no need to reply. However, reading your post, it's interesting that you've said you have a lot of hobbies. Are there any of those hobbies which could be done with other people, even if they don't strictly need to be? Is there any club or group you could join which would help you to meet people? Even if that's online? You need to kind of have a shared interest in order to get a conversation started? 

 

Also, if you could find just that one person to be friends with, someone you can really rely on, you will start to feel like you're getting somewhere. This might have to start online (I know you don't like that idea) but sometimes you can have a friendship online which can move after time to phone calls, then video calls and eventually to meeting that person if they're in the right country. My experience is that chatting online can be wildly variable - the majority of people you can speak to for just a little bit and then they fade away, but it only takes one person to really connect with, and that's the one you'll persevere with, the one that will become a long time friend. Try not to generalise everybody - there are definitely some bad people online, and there are definitely people who take advantage - but there are good people too. Other people who are lonely, and people who want to talk, and people who will connect with you and understand you. 

 

I have been in your position when I've felt there is no one in the world there for me. My hunch is that sooner or later someone will come along when you don't expect it - that's what happened for me. And all of a sudden you'll find you do have a connection and that the awkwardness has disappeared and you didn't even realise it. You just have to keep looking and keep trying. And unfortunately nowadays, most of those connections are made online.  

[RainDoeSprinkles]

Hi Xlouise, I noticed you mentioned your hobbies. Maybe that would be a nice way to connect with others in real life. I am also quiet and shy, and a bit socially awkward. I feel like quite a misfit most of the time. And if I feel awkward and out of place, then I end up feeling insecure, which makes me even more awkward! BUT...if I am around someone who shares a passion or interest in common with me, I feel more natural and comfortable being myself, and that makes it easier to interact! I wonder if you might find a group or a place or a class, or something where you could find others who share your interests?