I feel icky

[LittleAndStitch]

I’m not really sure why I'm posting this, a cry for help maybe? to vent my frustration? I don’t know. I’ve known about ddlg for some time now, but for most of that time I’ve been a fake little. I first heard about this lifestyle when I was a minor by a man who was well over the age of 18. So basically everything I thought I knew about this community has been tainted. Now that I’ve become a bit more educated about what this is really about, I feel like I will never fully embrace my little side because of my past. Sometimes I wonder if I’m a little at all. Does liking cartoons, and stuffies, and drinking out of a sippy cup really make me a little? Or is being a little more of a mentality than it is participating in certain behaviors? Will I ever have the right mentality? And then I wonder if the sexual abuse I suffered as a kid has anything to do with my interest in ddlg. Is my longing to participate in child-like things an attempt to create the childhood I never had? I feel like I’m trying to force myself into something that isn’t really for me, but at the same time it’s something that I’m genuinely interested in. In addition to all of that, I feel that I can only be in a ddlg relationship with a man. Outside of this lifestyle, I would date/ have fallen in love with different types of people: male, female, trans, etc. But every time I envision myself in a ddlg relationship with someone other than a male, it feels wrong. Maybe it’s internalized misogyny. I honestly don’t know. I just have a lot of bad feelings and thoughts and I’m not sure what to do with them.

[Lollipox]

There are many reasons people are into ddlg.

And putting ddlg itself aside for a moment- our life experiences and how we react to them are part of what shapes us as people. The aforementioned issues surrounding your feelings about DDlg might influence your interests in the lifestyle and community, but they also might not. They are situations that affect anyone who experiences them.

Some people push through it and use it as fuel to "better themselves" or feel stronger for battling through it, and some people dwell on the events that transpired and it's a weight they carry. (or both for some)

 

What I mean is, those situations may have an influence on your interest in DDlg, but it doesn't mean that it's wrong for you to have that interest. I can understand why it's messing with your head however.

What happened in the past wasn't your fault.

And presently, you don't deserve to miss out on something that you enjoy (assuming you do) because of it.

There are so many varying reasons that lead people here. There's rarely ever just one reason.

Some may be here for all of the reasons you listed, some might be here just for a few or because they like the kinky side of it. ^.^

 

You're really the only person who can answer those questions for yourself.

[baby_k]

I stalked your profile where you say "I’m not a stickler for labels". I think that is incredibly wise and something you might like to consider.

 

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a little at all. - this is something you decide. It's okay to be little, it's okay not to be, and it's okay not to know.

 

Does liking cartoons, and stuffies, and drinking out of a sippy cup really make me a little? There is no real defination for little, for you those can mean you are little but also that you are not. Your choice.

 

Or is being a little more of a mentality than it is participating in certain behaviors? Again: your choice, you label yourself if you wish. If you don't want to label yourself, that's perfectly fine too.

 

Will I ever have the right mentality? There is no such thing as "right mentality", only you are allowed to judge yourself on these. And even then I would highly recommend to not judge but be kind to yourself.

 

And then I wonder if the sexual abuse I suffered as a kid has anything to do with my interest in ddlg. Is my longing to participate in child-like things an attempt to create the childhood I never had? It may or it may not. And it doesn't really matter if you just have found something you enjoy. So, just enjoy life. There hardly is solid reasoning why someone likes chocolate icecream and other one prefers vanilla.

 

I feel like I’m trying to force myself into something that isn’t really for me, but at the same time it’s something that I’m genuinely interested in. Don't force yourself, it sounds pretty horrible anyhow, right? You can try and explore things that feel comfortable to yourself - or you can not if that is how you feel.

 

But every time I envision myself in a ddlg relationship with someone other than a male, it feels wrong. If you like to have ddlg rel only with a man, and with others other type of rel, that is perfectly valid. Everybody has right for their preferences. Preference can be "I'm into tall girls with glasses and freckles" which is totally fine even someone could say it's unfair towards short men without freckles. But it's not unfair, we all just have our random preferences and what we like and no one should be forced into things they are not into. And also no one wants to be in rel where the other one isn't really in and really feeling it.

 

 

I do hope that becuse of the unfortunate events in your past, you are seeing some counsellor. However, those things should not define your or dictate your life, or make you pay even now. It's not right towards you. You were a kid and it's not your fault really, don't let that ruin the rest of your life.

[princess cotton grass]

I think you should look into age regression aka agere.

age regression is completely sfw and is a coping mechanism that is supported by therapists.

a lot of littles from the agere community, like you, have experienced (childhood) trauma and use regression to help.

i think the non-sexual nature of agere will allow you to still be little and enjoy sippy cups and stuffies without the connotation to your sexual trauma.

something called impure regression exists in agere. this is not so pretty but very common with littles suffering with mental illness/trauma.

from reading, i think you could benefit from this raw regression immensely, especially with the relatable 'icky' feeling you have described.

you also don't need a daddy to take part in agere. having a caregiver is completely optional and you don't have to be in a relationship with your cg either.

the power dynamic is also completely different in cgre as sometimes their isn't one, unlike ddlg.

if having someone with you helps you get into little space you could look into having a babysitter or a sibling (another little who you regress with/support).

there are lots of resources available within the agere community on instagram with more information.

i hope this helps!

p.s. you are not alone in your struggles. i was also introduced to ddlg as a minor. it's messed up but we can't let our past and the cruelty of others control or define us and our lives. i hope that you are able to heal. you are so strong and so loved. stay safe ♡

[LittleAndStitch]

I think you should look into age regression aka agere.

I heard about that but I just assumed it was the same as going into little space. I'll definitely research it. Thank you!

Edited May 28, 2020 by Kaori

[LittleAndStitch]

The support here is   i m m a c u l a t e  ٩(♡ε♡ )۶ Thank you so much!

[daddymind]

Wanting to be in a certain type of relationship with a man is absolutely not misogynistic - a word I feel gets thrown around way too much these days. It's a preference, and you are entitled to that preference. Remember this is about you, not some expectation of others you have to meet.

 

My babs openly admits her desire, or need even, to be little stems from her wanting to relive certain deprived elements of her childhood. Nothing wrong with that if that's how you feel. You could think of it like a more involved form of therapy (though I get some might not like seeing it that way). With the right person, you should be able to feel comfortable expressing and exploring yourself. There is no "right" or "wrong", as long as it harms nobody. There are no fixed ways of being little. There is just you, your needs and an acceptance of that, primarily from yourself.