Telling my “Daddy” about my love for DDLG :(

[CuteCupcake]

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for around 10 months and in that time I discovered my love to ddlg, mainly thanks to him. At some point at the start I called him daddy as a joke and he liked it so we kept it and i started researching and found out about ddlg and loved it. I could identify myself in every single little thing about it and also my boyfriend seemed to fit it very well.

He told me tho that he doesn’t like it when I “copy” behavior from others so I didn’t send him all the cute and hot things I found, since I figured he’d never ever enjoy them anymore, even if we did them already, if he knew i saw posts or pictures of others doing it. (Which later turned out to be true so I stopped thinking about doing it completely). Meanwhile we did so many ddlg things like spanking and him brushing my teeth or giving me my stuffie and I even talked like a little girl during most of that time.

 

Since i discovered it I would always have phases of researching enormous amounts of it and just don’t nothing about it so I thought about sending him things a couple times, yet I never did. Instead a few months ago I started being like “Hey I think we could try a schedule-like thing since my sleep schedule is messed up and there’s also other things I could improve it” and he liked the idea so we went with it and I had a schedule for a couple weeks. In the end I wanted to stop since it felt like I was doing everything about it and he just didn’t care, took it for granted and didn’t give me treats or nice words or anything.

 

Now today I looked into ddlg stuff again and I was like okay it has been almost 10 months I should just try to tell him so I get a few little screenshots or links of stuff I absolutely adored or found really turning on (like things about domination which aren’t even 100% ddlg) and send it to him before I went to bed. Of course knowing that he hates things from other people I stayed up with my wifi off since I was too scared to read it but when it did I bursted out into tears seeing that it was even worse than I expected.

 

I’ll quote some of his stuff:

“Look you can call me daddy, but I don’t like this at all this is turning into a weird vsgo girl daddyfetish thing..”

 

“keep it together I actually feel terrible right now I don’t want you looking at that stuff ever. again.”

 

“sum weird furry shit”

 

It made me feel so devastated since I really had hopes he’d like it since this is literally how we kinda have been behaving.. also more than half the things I sent him were only about domination and I just don’t know how he can say things like that about it.. like what is wrong about liking domination, it just makes me feel so free because finally i’m not the one in charge.

 

I’m so hurt and I just can’t understand how he could act like that and I dont know what to do..

[Lollipox]

Sorry that it's upset you.

You knew the risk in sending him that stuff, since he's made it clear he doesn't like it. And even turned your wifi off.

Try to imagine if he was into something kinky and you really disliked seeing other peoples' involvement, but you were okay doing it just the two of you. But he ignored that you said you didn't like it, and sent you the same stuff.

 

I get that you like what you like, but it is a weird lifestyle dynamic. You gotta just be okay with that, and know that you can like what you like.

 

He seemed to have already made it clear that he didn't want to do things that were being implemented by what others were doing, he wanted whatever you were doing together to be natural.

 

I don't think that he hates domination and stuff. I think it's like... Let's say you really love a band or a tv show. You don't know anyone else who likes it yet. But you are allllll about it.

But then you decide to join a fan forum. And you meet the other people who are fangirling/boying about it... You don't like these people. They're cringy and making you hate everything about the band/show. Now you no longer like that band/show, because of the people you've met associated with it.

 

Idk if that makes sense.

 

I know it's very upsetting to have someone close to you dislike something that's meaningful to you or an interest of yours, but they have rights too. And he doesn't have to like it. In a dream world, our partners will like all the things we want them to like. But that's not realistic, and both people need to respect each others' boundaries.

[CuteCupcake]

I understand him and accept that he doesn't like it and I get the thing about the band since i’ve experienced something like that already. I’ve talked to him more and listened to him telling me for 8 minutes straight how wrong this is and how terrible I am for liking it and if I don’t stop he’s gonna be out of my life..

 

I feel more like it’s him not understanding me instead of me not understanding him. I can’t just stop having a “fetish” like that and also I wrote him before I sent all the stuff that if he doesn’t like it he doesn’t need to respond and I’ll never mention it again, but instead he decided to try changing me even tho that’s not possible.

 

Thank you for answering tho ^^

[Lollipox]

Unfortunately there are a lot of negative stereotypes about ddlg and stuff. And additionally there are people that label themselves as ddlg who further cause harm to the community due to their actions, when the majority aren't doing anything wrong.

 

In general the hatred towards the community is based around the concern for youth, and a misunderstanding that it's in any way involving fetishizing them- when it isn't. But it's difficult to judge who is and isn't in it for the wrong reasons. So rather than taking the time to understand it, it's easier to just hate what you hate.

 

And I know understanding why he's acting the way he is doesn't make it less hurtful, because it's something personal to you and he's putting a lot of emphasis on how much he dislikes it.

 

It just depends whether you wish to stay with him and try to find a compromise yourself about keeping any ddlg stuff you're involved in secret (just meaning forums and sites, friends in the community) and trying to enjoy the small things that you and he come up with together.

Or if you feel like his behaviour is too hurtful to work around.

 

But it's also okay to just vent, without wanting to hear a proper solution. I'm sure we all have moments like that. Where we know what the realistic answer to the problem is, but in the moment we're feeling hurt and it's not about understanding or communication, it's just about expressing how you're feeling right now.

Edited May 26, 2020 by pöxïë

[Daddys.Baby.Girl]

If he only likes the aspect of you calling him daddy then he wasn't made to be a daddy. Also him threatening to leave over you being into something he doesn't like is concerning. That's for any normal healthy relationship. If he leaves you have a whole site here for you. People who love you are supportive. They don't have to like what you like but they have no right to tell you what you can and can't like. Sorry if I'm being so against him I have been with so many toxic people and it hurts you for life. You carry it with you so long. Everyone deserves to be happy.

[pawsies]

it sounds to me like you really need to determine how important ddlg is to you. If you want to live a lifestyle or implement some aspects sometimes. Could you function in a relationship without it?

Unfortunately you can't change what someone likes/doesn't like. And you definitely understand that since you've stated you yourself "can't just stop having a fetish" and really dislike that he "decided to try changing" you. If he's genuinely trying to change you he must have a very solid opinion of not being comfortable with the things you've presented to him. What if he always views ddlg this way? Neither of you are in the wrong for having an opinion and liking/disliking something. Like pöxïë said he's made it clear he doesn't like it and people can like what they like. There are people who think ddlg is wrong/creepy/etc. I'm sure you find some kinks/lifestyles make you uncomfortable as well. And we just have to deal, by either compromise or seeking something more compatible with your needs.

 

Edit: just want to add that it's not right for him to try to change you, but you shouldn't try to change him either.

Edited May 27, 2020 by pawsies

[Guest Teasing Tink]

Sounds like he's not giving you much of a choice in what to do here. Your choice is to pretend to be someone you're not and suppress parts of yourself or he'll leave. That's an ultimatum he gave you. To be blunt, I think his response was a complete overreaction and rather emotionally immature -- especially since he was the one who introduced you to the DD/lg dynamic in the first place and y'all were already behaving in DD/lg ways (for the most part). Ironic. He doesn't sound like a reasonable person who can reason out how silly he's being. A complete misunderstanding -- I agree with you. And he doesn't like it when you copy others? How silly, no one is a special little snowflake. Everyone copies everyone and gains inspiration from others in subtle ways every day. It's natural. I'm sorry he hurt you by being so cold and unreasonable about the whole thing. You deserve better than that. Obviously it's a deal breaker for him if he's willing to leave you over this and it's a deal breaker for you as well because it's something that's important to you, so I don't see how this relationship can work out. Ugh, I'm sorry... Edited May 27, 2020 by Teasing Tink

[Alaskan Daddy]

I am sorry your BF said some very hurtful things. He could have a lot more gentle telling you his feelings. But he has showed you that he does not understand DDLG and may never will. Try to be selfish and remember that your feelings and desires and needs matter. It seems he is not able or is unwilling to meet your needs and desires, That does not make him a terrible person it just may mean he is not the right person who will accept and embrace your little side. I feel if you read your postings you will find the answer for any decision you need to make about this relationship. I know your BF got your hopes up and you feel crushed. You need to decide how important being able to express your needs and desires are to you. To me as an outsider I feel your relationship is heading to be one that is very one-sided.  Maybe take some time to be alone and think about everything you wrote and the feed back you have received and you will figure out what the best decision is for yourself. Good luck with everthing

[Nymph]

She is 18... he is probably her age or a year older. Of course that boy doesn't have a clue of what he wants! if he likes to be called daddy, he will most likely get into the lifestyle once he is older and knows more about it and will kick himself for having this attitude towards this girl.

 

But hun, love (and kink) is about timing. Had I dated my husband as soon as we met we would have never ended up together, if you bring up kink at a bad timing it can be dismissed or rejected without much thought. There are so many misunderstandings about this and there is the age taboo side of it, perhaps he is freaking out you will get involved with some dirty old man due this "fetish" and is scared to feed your "fantasy".

 

I would say don't obsess over it, read about it and learn as much as you can. When you see an opportunity to try stuff, then try it without labels if it feels right for the both of you. You have plenty of time to experiment all this and more, if you look desperate then you are just scaring your chances away.

 

He might of course, never be into it and that is ok. Odds are you will not spend the rest of your life with him anyways, enjoy what you have with him now and if you don't have much you enjoy... then you are better off without him.

[junebug0325]

Heya,

 

I'm so sorry that the things he said hurt you. Although, I think you knew that you were taking a risk when you told him about the things you were into. In my opinion, the way he acted was very immature and honestly to me, a red flag. He basically put you in a ultimatum by saying either it's him or its what you want. It all comes down to how much this lifestyle means to you. Can you really go without the things that you like? Or try to hide who you really are for him?

 

I think you also have to realize that he isn't consenting to the lifestyle. So if you do decided to stay with him and decide that you want to hide all the stuff that you are into, you also need to be respectful of the fact that he is not consenting to anything. So if you suddenly pop into littlespace or he finds a stuffie or something you have, then he probably won't take it well.

 

In the end, I don't think you can change for a boy. And I also don't think he should make you change because of him. But it's up to you whether you want to stay with him or not.

 

 

 

 

Junebug x

[Spacegirlxoxo]

Maybe he thinks those evil nasty thoughts from people who he's heard say the same things about his fetishes. (If it's stuff you already do you said?)

[Guest DaddysSweetpea16]

I’m so sorry that happened to you! DDlg, D/s is an odd lifestyle. I personally love it and can’t imagine my life any other way. I was very fortunate to not discover the lifestyle until already being in a relationship with my now Daddy and husband, and that he was very much into it as well. I’ve never had to go through what you’re going through now. I’ve had friends who thought it was weird, but it was whatever and it didn’t matter. At this point you have to decide if you can continue a relationship, without that side of things, and after the hurt you have, or if DDlg being a part of your life ranks above your current relationship. Much like you can’t just stop liking what you like, he can’t start liking what he doesn’t, and if it’s something you want so badly, I’m not sure they even if he had not answered you would have been satisfied forever, because you’d long for that to be a part of your life, if that makes any sense.