Do confident littles intimidate DDs?

[minty☆]

I've had conversations with several people on here about this, and figured why not post it to the forums?
 
 
So ... fake daddies -- definitely a thing. I can only guess because they're insecure creepers looking for easy targets; they're fairly easy to spot and often give off all the same red flags.  I've encountered several on here, as well as other communities: they're petty, often won't take no as an answer, and/or will probably avoid you like the plague (or just downright insult you) if you act like you have any amount of confidence or common sense ... I can only assume because that means they know that can't manipulate you as easily.
 
I'm not saying all the DDs on here share the same nasty predatory trait - but it's a pattern I've noticed in the community as a whole even outside of this website.  It's like confidence is a total deterrent, which just ... yeah.  Red flags, in my mind.  It's really concerning to me how easily some littles fall for it, and much as I'd like to chase them all away, it's a little impossible to do so.

 
Some littles regress more than others; some have a lot more problems with insecurities and anxiety.  And the ones that don't need constant handholding all the time?  We often get ignored, insulted, or yelled at by someone thinking he's educated in all ways DD/lg about how we're not "true" littles, because how dare we stand up for ourselves?  
 
 
I'd be curious to hear everyone's thoughts/experiences with this, both as a little and as a CT.  I've had at least three encounters on this site where people refused to believe I was a little just because I have my own goals and career and can function independently.

Edited May 13, 2020 by minty☆

[Guest SpaceGhost]

General confidence and independent function? No I prefer it! It actually REALLY bothers me how many little just want to be taken care of and have a sugar daddy, without really putting anything back into the relationship. Or that you may have a hard time leaving them alone because of a constant need for validation and attention might make them seek it elsewhere.

 

I love a functional and happy co dependence where both partners contribute equally to the dynamic. If a little has real stable, and realistic goals I can keep them on track on, it makes my role so much more enjoyable.  Otherwise it can feel like herding cats and can often be stressful and cause issues.

 

Yes there are tooooonnnssss of creepy fake daddy assholes that use the kink to try to get off with younger or vulnerable girls. Those creeps try to neg you into submitting to their BS because they aren't looking for a relationship,  they're looking for VR porn, and if they find someone they can manipulate it's a bonus. As a daddy I run into sooo many littles that just use the kink as a means for attention and validation, or to try to get a free ride. It's more a matter of sifting through questionable people and making sure to keep yourself safe.

 

My advice is to keep being you, keep telling the creepers off, and you'll find your person eventually. 

[minty☆]

Thank you for your perspective!  yeah, I'm not too worried about it for myself -- it's more of an observation.  I usually chase people off as soon as I tell them my favorite game is Dark Souls   

 

I didn't really think about it when posting this, but yeah -- you're right.  Fake littles are definitely a thing, too.  I know I've seen people talk about how many daddies they have, just to get free things ... major oof.  I'm probably being a bit biased here, admittedly, but I don't tend to feel as bad about that as I do the littles that become victims to predatory creepers, because that just seems way more potentially dangerous.  They're definitely both not acceptable, though.  I'm by no means a CT, but I do my best to help the other littles when they have anxiety and ask me questions ... sometimes advice gets through, sometimes it's like I'm talking to a wall no matter how hard I try.  That can be incredibly disheartening, so I can just imagine what it'd be like for a CT in a full time relationship with a person like that.

 
I had someone once tell me I would never find someone just because I'm still friends with a few of my old ex's where it was a mutual break-up.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Oh no, maturity!

Edited May 13, 2020 by minty☆

[Guest SpaceGhost]

Coincidentally Dark Souls is also one of my favorite games! It's really good!

 

Yes it is potentially way more dangerous for the littles in most cases and I wish more would exercise caution. Bias is expected because... it's not like you're looking for littles to date, I don't think. So it's not like you have exposure to it. But girls have it much easier when it comes to online dating so it's easier for them to do dumb stuff in general, but it's also easier to move on.

 

Honestly as someone that wouldn't be ok with someone I'm dating being friends with their ex's, that's stupid. What's right for me doesn't have to be what's right for you. There are plenty of people that are totally cool with that stuff. I have some niche and extreme kinks that aren't for 98% of the population, and most people wouldn't want.But because I'm forward and honest, I still get plenty of interest. People have a hard time thinking outside their own bubble.

[LittleCelticLass]

As a daddy I run into sooo many littles that just use the kink as a means for attention and validation, or to try to get a free ride. It's more a matter of sifting through questionable people and making sure to keep yourself safe.

This!!! So much this. So tired of Daddies getting all the blame for bad DDlg relationships.

 

That said, for either side, I say my best advice is to remind you you're an adult, and can hit the block/delete button easily! Be responsible for your own safety, and don't jump headlong into any relationship. And if they aren't nice? Then screw them, that's what the block button is for.

Edited May 14, 2020 by LittleCelticLass

[Satan]

I feel like daddies that are only in it for the instant sexual gratification are the ones that really get pissy about confident littles. Have had guys demand my social media information , ask for lewd photos and just start off on the super duper creepy foot and when I don't bend to their will,

I'm "nOt A rEaL lItTlE!". If you stand up for yourself or show any kind of independence you are going to hurt the fragile egos of many of the men here.

Lot of littles do feel they need constant uninvited attention to feel validated and are willing to deal with the guys who will say literally anything to get what they want the fastest way possible.

 

Being little is not a neat cookie cutter shape. There are many kinds, shapes , sizes and personality types. The guys who feel intimidated by confident littles just can not handle someone telling them no.

Edited May 14, 2020 by Satan

[minty☆]

Coincidentally Dark Souls is also one of my favorite games! It's really good!

 

Yes it is potentially way more dangerous for the littles in most cases and I wish more would exercise caution. Bias is expected because... it's not like you're looking for littles to date, I don't think. So it's not like you have exposure to it. But girls have it much easier when it comes to online dating so it's easier for them to do dumb stuff in general, but it's also easier to move on.

 

Honestly as someone that wouldn't be ok with someone I'm dating being friends with their ex's, that's stupid. What's right for me doesn't have to be what's right for you. There are plenty of people that are totally cool with that stuff. I have some niche and extreme kinks that aren't for 98% of the population, and most people wouldn't want.But because I'm forward and honest, I still get plenty of interest. People have a hard time thinking outside their own bubble.

 

 Exactly!  \[T]/   That's a good point.  And hey, at least you're upfront about what makes you uncomfortable.  I definitely admire and appreciate that.  I feel like a lot of other daddies could learn from you.  Despite what some of them might think, they are DEFINITELY not perfect beings.

 

I feel like daddies that are only in it for the instant sexual gratification are the ones that really get pissy about confident littles. Have had guys demand my social media information , ask for lewd photos and just start off on the super duper creepy foot and when I don't bend to their will,

I'm "nOt A rEaL lItTlE!". If you stand up for yourself or show any kind of independence you are going to hurt the fragile egos of many of the men here.

Lot of littles do feel they need constant uninvited attention to feel validated and are willing to deal with the guys who will say literally anything to get what they want the fastest way possible.

 

Being little is not a neat cookie cutter shape. There are many kinds, shapes , sizes and personality types. The guys who feel intimidated by confident littles just can not handle someone telling them no.

 

You're so right - unfortunately that seems to be a lot of them on here.  Quite often, the first message seems to be trying to get outside contact info ASAP.  Or jumping in to some overly sexual conversation, both of which I literally have no patience for; it's clear they only want one thing, and people like that lack any sense of decency or respect.  I wish there was a way to screen those guys out somehow, because if they make me uncomfortable, they probably make more dependent and fragile littles feel even worse, and like they're pressured into complying.

 

I guess there's the anonymity of the internet to consider; I doubt these people would behave the same way in person.  While there's a non-zero chance there might be a few creepers, going to something in person like a munch with regulars might have people that are a little more honest and ACTUALLY into the lifestyle.  I've never been, though!

Edited May 14, 2020 by minty☆

[DaBrat1994]

Hi not ever Daddy is like that how you ask me? i have 2 Daddies (yes i live with both of them) and they love when i stand up to them They love that i have a backbone to stand up for what i believe in and to try an help others do the same

[Thequeen]

Hello Minty,

 

With me being a switch and thus occasionally attempting to talk to others I have definitely noticed that there are some people who act this way or engage in this very demeaning process. I have to agree with Satan and their idea that it is very much an action of people searching for Im indicate sexual gratification which sadly with the nature of these relationships is more conducive for the daddy to put on this persona. 

 

I truly believe a real daddy or mommy would be truly interested in learning about a little and getting to know all their life and quirk aspects. Confidence is something I personally find so important no matter the side of the relationship I am on. My little is extremely confident and thats one of the aspects that makes our relationship flow so well and allows us to both be growing in our own ways because we are first and foremost confident then we are supported by our partners. 

 

Simply put, everyone be confident and you will attract other confident individuals. Littles, always be open about yourself but never let anyone take anything from you, especially yourself. 

[Emillia]

I'm very ambitious and personally I haven't had this experience. I do know the type of guy you're talking about though and for me that's usually bad news all round. Guys who don't want you to peruse your own health and happiness are controlling, neurotic freaks imo. Your life is not you relationship right? You also need to work on yourself and have goals and dreams to chase. If a man doesn't understand or respect that, he's not a daddy.

Edited May 14, 2020 by Emillia

[MissPattch]

I've only been a part of this little corner of the DDlg community since January, and haven't had the misfortune to run into many, if any, fakes or creepy caregivers. I think that is because before i am my little / middle, i'm a confident, self assured woman. If a person can't deal with the fact i am autonomous and self aware, then they don't need to know or see that i have insecurities and vulnerability. My little side is the kid that hides behind the sofa until she knows it's safe to come out. Until the grown up me says its ok. Maybe thats just my age though, and having a little more life experience than some littles here who are a lot younger than myself. My Daddy loves that i have an attitude, and confidence, and am totally capable of seeing of any creepers or not nice people on my own. I can't imagine being with someone who didn't have enough self confidence to be able to deal with the fact that i can deal with my self >.<

[baby_k]

I would not like to use word "fake". It is more a compability issue. Some want just a random sexual encounter with someone, some want a relationship. Neither one is wrong, they are just bad match with each other. And no one should have the right to definewhat is "real little" or "real caregiver". Someone's "fake" is someone's perfect match.

 

People also behave in all sort of manners and they have their reasons for them. How they act tells only about them, so if they go with "you will never find anyone because....", most likely it's about their own issues and not that they are actually giving helpful advice. And I think all of us have said something bit exaggerated or nasty things in the heat of the moment. Does it make it right? No.

 

I'm sure there has been selfish and stupid ways everyone has acted, especially as teen. Same applies to older people too: sometimes people just don't have skills on mental cabability to act better than they do. Maybe someone has massive trauma, and now are filling the void with unhealthy relationships and constant validation. It's not okay or good for anyone but they have reason(s) for their actions still. Understanding this makes it easier to deal with other people for as a group they will not change, world will always be filled with bit faulty people who have issues.

 

People also have responsibility to take care of themselves. This applies to all littles too, also the ones with all sort of mental problems: in the end of the day, the only person responsible of you is yourself. World can be cruel place but it is what it is. One needs to learn to take care of themself, and not to expect world to change into laalaaland.

 

Anyhow, I do understand the pain of encountering these totally incompatible people who also often try to attack you on personal level when they realise you are not a push over. It is super annoying, means lot of wasted energy and sometimes makes thing like dating really disheartening. But I also find it good that those people get nasty fast as then I don't waste time on someone who would not be good dating material for me. Would be great if I wouldn't need to talk to them at all in the first place but that is lot harder thing to solve, so, that's like decent compromise. And more vulnerable people: they just need to learn themselves unfortunately, and they are responsible of their own happiness.

[Guest hideouslovely]

I'm still very new to this forum and I haven't interacted with any daddies at all.  I'm here to make friends with middles.  However, I've found that fake daddies are everywhere and seem to think that if you put "middle/little" in your profile info then that gives them the right to send  you pictures of their sad... appendage.

 

My experience has been that the fake daddies could replace "little" with "slave" and that's closer to what they're looking for.  I'm a parent, a small business owner and an all around confident, happy woman.  When any of that becomes apparent then I'm not "sub enough" or a "fake little".  That, to me, tells me everything that I need to know about what these people think a DD/lg relationship is.

 

As for fake littles... yes, they exist and seem to be quite prevalent.

[baby_k]

Sorry, bit offtopicing, but here one longer discussion about this ridiculous term "fake":

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/23301-fake-it-needs-to-stop/ (NSFW, maybe)

 

I really wish people would read it. It would be easier to focus on actual issues than just to the finger pointing if we would stop using that word ( and the random undefined meaning of it...).

 

Edit: the nsfw tag

Edited May 14, 2020 by baby_k

[MissPattch]

Sorry, bit offtopicing, but here one longer discussion about this ridiculous term "fake":

 

https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/23301-fake-it-needs-to-stop/ (NSFW, maybe)

 

I really wish people would read it. It would be easier to focus on actual issues than just to the finger pointing if we would stop using that word ( and the random undefined meaning of it...).

 

Edit: the nsfw tag

 

I don't think the OP was trying to say that people have different needs from a DDlg dynamic, but that there are people out there who do not want to actually be a caregiver in the absolute sense of the word, and just see Littles as easy prey and instant gratification for their own egos and narcissistic personalities. These are the "fakes". The ones that want to cause harm by their own selfish desires. Not the CG's who actually want to love and nurture the innocence that comes with a DDlg relationship. Sorry, just my 2 pence worth...

 

Edited for spelling >.<

Edited May 14, 2020 by MissPattch

[minty☆]

Yep! Nailed it, 100%. ^^^

 

While I appreciate trying to see the good in everyone, it's naive to think it's always there and to try and justify inexcusable actions. Some people are just misogynistic assholes, and no - I don't personally think it's a compatibility issue; they don't deserve anyone. Even here I have heard multiple stories of abusive relationships with "daddy"'s - also not acceptable.

 

Unfortunately, I know there are a lot of misogynists within the BDSM community just so they can treat women like property and "get away with it".

 

So... yeah. In my mind, those people are absolutely fake. They have no intention of being a caregiver, they're just abusive predators.

Edited May 14, 2020 by minty☆

[pvtdaddy]

Great post and discussion... I'm a newbie to the site but I can say that I actually prefer a middle because of the confidence and independence they seem to have. They aren't as reliant on me but are appreciative and allow my natural caring to flourish. The lack of confidence and independence can actually drain the natural caring and make it forced which is the beginning of the end for the relationship. Plus the independence lets daddy guide her toward self/mutual discovery which I find much more thrilling than directed commands or overt manipulation which can surface in DOM/sub space.

[Guest Avi]

In my experience there definetly are people who are indeed intimidated by confidence in littles but i guess you could say it's a slippery slope.

 

For example, maybe they're new to the lifestyle and had a warped perception that all littles are submissive to a fault.

 

It could also be a trait they have outside of the ddlg lifestyle. Some people are so used to dominate a conversation that when they come across someone equally confident and outgoing, they're not sure how to respond.

 

Either way, it's something that should be worked on if they want the dynamic to work, both in ddlg and everyday life.

[daddymind]

I think some people have this idea about what ddlg is in their mind that doesn't reflect its complexity. A lot of these predator "daddies" are probably thinking "vulnerable young girl, wants to call me daddy and be my little whore *insert heavy breathing*". They don't realise that, for a lot of littles, this isn't just about BDSM and for many the sexual element isn't even important or desirable. They just don't get how deep this all goes.

 

A good potential daddy should be thinking primarily about things like nurturing, guidance, care, understanding and about how much energy they will have to put into this very special and sensitive kind of relationship. Do you think these pouncy daddies are thinking about that? Hell no. They're just thinking about getting their cock wet. And the little's vulnerability is (in their eyes) an easy route to that. Just say the right words and they'll scream "fuck me daddy!".

 

In short, yes, confident littles who are vocal about what they want and don't want will intimidate these neanderthals. A real daddy will welcome confidence rather than see it as an obstacle or inconvenience.

[Nymph]

I am not easily intimidated or impressed, I am not shy about speaking in public. I am extremely submissive and with the right guy I will be the most loyal slave if you will let me, however I am no doormat.

 

Daddy was super shocked when he saw just how submissive I could be and for a while he was a bit confused lol, as far as I am concerned he getting me into slave mode was a clear hint he was the one for me.

 

I think some daddies don't have the backbone to deal with someone confident (not necessarily a brat, just someone with good self esteem and that know what they want) and that is ok because not all littles are confident. It is a different dynamic for sure but to each their own.

 

And of course, there will always be desperate people who will try to get close to you for the wrong reasons or take advantage. Let them find each other.

[Guest EnchantedDream_Sam]

Yes, this has happened to me. On other Forums that I have joined. They zero in on me and demand things of me right off the bat. Don't even take the time to get to know me, ask me questions about myself or want to know me deeply. They just want to jump right into the sexual aspects of things and I'd like the whole package, not everything is based on sex alone. If I am going to open up to someone, I want to be able to trust that person first before becoming there full time little. Once I had someone stalk me on my social media account and I didn't even know how he found me on that account, without me giving it to him. My guess is that he tracked me down somehow and demanded that I speak to him and how dare I not answer him. I wasn't even his little and already he was demanding that I answer him back and that I was disrespecting him. At this point, I stood up for myself and told him to leave me alone. I don't give out my social chatting devices anymore due to this or my social media because I want to be careful. There's a lot of creeps out there and Fake Daddies. They do exist and I like being careful. Just because I stand up for myself, doesn't mean I'm not a tru little. Trust needs to be earned. I don't submit to anyone until I fully get to know them and I know they are being sincere. This is just one experience alone, but I've met others who have tried to manipulate me and they ended up getting angry because I wasn't submitting to them right away.

[minty☆]

aaa, that's so scary that they were able to find you elsewhere on social media!  I've noticed a lot of older people (and European ones, oddly enough) tend to use WhatsApp, but I used it once and it made me SUPER uncomfortable because you have to use your phone number.  In retrospect, that could have been very bad, and I absolutely will not be ever using that again.
 
protecting yourself is the biggest thing ... it SHOULD be a red flag to caretakers if they find littles that just want to submit 100% and never question anything, but as some others have pointed out, those "caretakers" the kinds of people that aren't really part of this community and are just looking for a good, easy time, and someone to abuse/take advantage of.
 

I'm encouraged by how many caretakers on here seem to appreciate the trait - I think it says a lot, and it also makes it seem like having confidence is perhaps the best way to keep the predators away.  Unfortunately, just browsing the forums, it seems to be a very hit or miss with many of the littles here - especially the younger ones.  I wish I could give them all confidence, so they could have some protection to stand up for themselves.   

[Vampiress]

I would like to start with, I think there are definitely "fakes" in the community and that isn't the ones who are incompatible. It's the ones who use the lifestyle on either side of the spectrum to be users, manipulators, abusers, creepers, stalkers, etc. I'm sorry, but I will never be convinced that any of these people are legit littles, middles, or caregivers. That is far beyond a compatibility issue. Those people have severe personality issues, and should not be welcomed.

 

As for the whole confidence thing, I don't have a lot of personal self-esteem but I am very straightforward, sometimes brutally honest, and communication is a very important thing to me with everyone I get close to. I have been abused a lot in my life and one thing I don't want to settle for is someone who claims to love me or care about to be trying to abuse or hurt me in any manner. So yeah, if you feel like you're putting people off with your confidence and willingness to speak up for yourself? That in itself might be a red flag. I respect -anyone- who is willing to stand up for themselves and not take any crap from someone who is only out to use or hurt them. Humans are not doormats, we all have feelings and we all have boundaries that should be respected. If someone can't respect your boundaries, that's already a huge red flag. And yes I've heard the "you're not a real little" crap and I've even been accused of being a "Mommy" or a "Domme" just because I'm willing to speak up for myself, even though I don't have a single dominant bone in my body and tend to be really submissive and a huge people pleaser. These are just hollow insults meant to try and make us feel insecure, and it does work on a lot of littles, but we need to have stronger backbones and not let it get to us because it's a cheap manipulation tactic.

[baby_k]

Being ignorant of the lifestyle shouldn't make anyone fake - just ignorant, and possibly a beginner. Everybody start from zero, and can have really strange ideas specially at first of the culture. This includes also really toxic ideas which could be said to be issue of many littles who treat their issues with this lifestyle/dynamic ( just as the "fake" caregivers do also ). And: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." ( Hanlon's razor )

 

Same as people who have issues: it is just them having issues, not them being fake. Many littles also have issues and that doesn't make them fake littles, just people who need to grow and develop more to gain better life for themselves and people around them.

 

DDlg can just be the quick hook up for sex without any real bond. It can just mean calling the other person daddy in bed. People with these views have just as valid views as those who are more heavily into caregiving and mental things. One can't really that easily define what is for example a daddy as it is many different things to different people. It's bit like using Tinder: some look for person to marry there and some the next night's hook up. It's all good and valid. ( And a dick move if you lie about your intentions but mostly it's not done with malice but because people are bit lost with themselves ).

 

Are there creeps with massive issues who all little's should avoid? Definately, just like in vanilla life too. But most of this "fake" stuff is not that but people misunderstanding each other and not having similar ideas. Calling someone "fake" is taking the god-position where one thinks they can define for everyone else what means to be daddy or little. It is not cool towards littles nor the daddies or any other humanbeing, and just makes things negative. I would much more prefer talking of how one finds person who has similar views than you do, how to avoid total incompability and how to notice red flags.

[junebug0325]

Heya,

 

In my opinion, confidence scares off fake DDs, not real ones. Fake ones typically look for littles that lack experience and lack the confidence.. because that means they are able to tell them "no" without hesitation and aren't generally informed about the reg flags fake DDs can give off.

 

In my experience, confidence and knowledge actually attract real DDs and that's often what they look for when in search of their little. Of course there are probably exceptions, but that's just from my personal experience. 

 

 

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

 

 

Edited for grammer

Edited May 18, 2020 by junebug0325