Polyamorous Relationship With A DDLG Couple Advice

[Emilyjwalker123]

Hi,

So I have never been in a polyamorous relationship but I met this couple and they are so sweet! So I am a female (I’m 19) and it is a male and female couple. They are so adorable and they are amazing to me. I found out they was a DDLG couple and it really interested me! I have only ever read about DDLG in fan fictions and stories and I really wanted to try it out! I have been getting to know them and they explained to me about dummies and stuff. I decided to buy myself two to see what they was like because I have never had one (not even as a child).

As I have been getting to know them, I found out that they wasn't really a sexual couple (she isn't bothered about sex, he is and I'm a virgin). The DDLG aspect is not usually sexual but she told me that she is really bratty. She also said if I get into a relationship with them, that she will be jealous for a while and I understood that because obviously that is her boyfriend. In a relationship, I am considered clingy and sometime (if not a lot of the time) need reassurance that I am not annoying people. Earlier, I asked them a question (I was wanting reassurance) and she snapped at me, telling me that me wanting that constant reassurance is affecting her mental health. They have not exactly been trying to get me involved with the DDLG community or even that aspect of their relationship even after I told them I brought two dummies.

I feel like they have not properly thought about bringing a third person into their relationship and that he is ready for it mentally and she is not. I don't want to be dragged in and my feelings getting hurt when I really like them and I wanted to experience the DDLG aspect too.

I don't know what kind of little I would be, we haven't spoke about it.

I just feel really insecure about it.

Any advice?

Update: I have tried to talk to them about it, to see if they are ready especially her. But he just told me to chill out and she didn’t reply to me. I really like them both but they never really try to involve me in the DDLG side of it either. This is really hurting me because I care a lot about them but I am left feeling sad and lonely.

I have had to ask my friend about DDLG because they haven’t really given me any information ☹

 

Honestly I don't think she wants me in the DDLG part of their relationship, as she keeps telling me "it's not for everyone" and "don't feel like you need to be in it" when the reason they wanted a third person in the relationship was to be a little with her, so this is leaving me really disheartened and confused

Edited May 10, 2020 by Emilyjwalker123

[LittleTeacup]

If it were me, I'd spend a lot more time getting to know them. What do they want out of a poly relationship? Do they want you being involved in the ddlg aspect or not? If so, why aren't they discussing it more with you? And would they want you to be a little girl too or a mommy? Your thought about them not being ready for a third person sounds plausible from your description.

 

And it's also a good idea to understand yourself in a ddlg context, with or without them. This forum has a "resources" section I advise reading through to learn details you might not get from fanfiction (I first heard of ddlg through fanfiction too and for a while didn't even connect it to myself because the way many characters are written aren't like me at all). Do you want to be a little just so you can be involved with this couple? Or would you like to explore it on your own too? It's important to realize being a little is self-defined. There's no "checklist" you need to engage in unless you like it. Some activities littles may enjoy (but aren't required) are coloring, watching cartoons, playing with toys, dressing up dolls, sleeping with stuffies, dancing/singing to disney songs, etc Some prefer shows/toys from their own childhoods and others may like new stuff.

[Vampiress]

Based on her reaction, I wonder if maybe he pressured her into this or if she felt like she had to allow this to keep him instead of telling him no and potentially losing him. Hard to say without more context, but since she seems to be the one with negative reactions I'd definitely take time to get to know her one on one and find out what is really going on here. Does she really want this? What does she want out if it if she does? Find out from her perpsective why her boyfriend wants this, and how much she supports it. Based on her responses it'll give you pretty good insight on whether or not this is something you should go forward with. If she's always going to be jealous or snappy then I wouldn't bother because it will be a constant problem and create friction between all three of you. I also can't tell if this relationship will require you to be romantic with both of them or only one of them, and if it's both of them find out what her interest is in you and if maybe you could alleviate her tension by giving her some more attention. I am not poly so I have no experience with this but it sounds like you need more information and one on one time.

[Little kaiya]

My Wife, Daddy and I have been in a polyamorous relationship for the past two and a half years so I'll offer my thoughts from that perspective.

 

Polyamory doesn't mean a lack of any jealousy but it does require very strong communication to deal with situations as they arise.

 

Reading through your situation it seems like there are some very large communication gaps between all three of you as a group, he and her, you and he and you and she. DDlg can be a challenging relationship dynamic for people who are just starting let alone when polyamory is being added as well.

 

I'd recommend taking a large step back and having some adult/adult/adult discussions first. It's also important to do some self reflection to be able to communicate to them what kind of little you are. There is nothing wrong with being a clingy little but that may not work with their existing relationship.

 

Syccessful polyamory also takes a lot more than people being kind or sweet. It takes a lot of communication, willingness to discuss awkward or difficult situations and a lot of self awareness about wants, limits, desires, boundaries, etc.

Edited May 10, 2020 by Little kaiya

[Nymph]

I think as a general rule, most men will be "mentally ready" to have more women... until they do, then some realize they were not ready at all, some might even discover that is not something they ever want to try again or that now that they have the bragging rights since they have tried it, it's not worth the hassle.

 

As a late bloomer myself, I came across guys that would either be intimidated by it and rejected me or some that would over romanticize the fact and wanted me because of it. I strongly suggest you find someone who cares for you regardless of your sexual experience, so you might not want to mention it until you trust the person and see them as a potential partner to ensure they want you for the right reasons.

 

That woman sounds complicated and like she has mood swings, she also either expects you to put up with them by giving you heads up or she is trying to scare you away because she feels threatened by you. She doesn't want this, she maybe not be aware of it herself and be in denial or she might be abusive.

 

You are just discovering this lifestyle, don't try to dive into it right away, you have plenty of time!

[Emilyjwalker123]

Update: I have tried to talk to them about it, to see if they are ready especially her. But he just told me to chill out and she didn’t reply to me. I really like them both but they never really try to involve me in the DDLG side of it either. This is really hurting me because I care a lot about them but I am left feeling sad and lonely.

 

I have had to ask my friend about DDLG because they haven’t really given me any information ☹️

[Little kaiya]

"Chill out" and no response seems to be a pretty clear answer that they seem more interested in what they want than what all three of you want. A healthy relationship shouldn't leave you feeling sad and lonely, it should leave you feeling happy, loved and fulfilled.

 

Honestly, everything you've described raises a lot of red flags in my view but you need to decide what you want, what you'll settle for and when enough is enough. Best of luck to you.

[Vampiress]

I agree with Kaiya. They aren't putting your thoughts or feelings as a priority and sound like they're being pretty selfish. I'd consider stepping away from this because it could very possibly mean even worse problems in the future. If you find yourself curious about polyamory it will allow you to go find other people that are much more ready.

[Emilyjwalker123]

So I officially parted ways with the couple today because they was always treating me like everything was my fault, It was clear they has issues within their relationship that they thought adding a third person would fix and they has the worst communication not just between me and them but each other. They never really included me in the ddlg aspect of their relationship and when I tried to talk to them about it last night, they just went to bed and left in the middle of the conversation, so I decided that I had, had enough of it.

 

Hopefully I can make some friends on here and maybe meet a daddy that could show me the way

 

MASSIVE UPDATE: I FOUND OUT THE FEMALE IN THE RELATIONSHIP IS PREGNANT TODAY, THIS WAS A DISASTER FROM START TO FINISH!!

Edited May 15, 2020 by Emilyjwalker123

[Punographer]

I think as a couple they aren’t ready and on the same page about bringing a third person into the relationship. They may not even understand their own limitations when it comes to poly. It can be extremely hard sharing someone. You have to talk a lot. Be open. Be honest. Find compromises. More than anything else really love the people you are with. With a triad set up it gets tricky trying to meet everyone’s needs and sometimes you’ll have to sacrifice time or someone may have to sacrifice time for you to get your one on one time.

 

I’d be happy to share my experience with poly if you’d like. I rolled the dice at poly once before but I am primarily a monogamous person. Feel free to reach out!

 

I do recommend that you seek mentorship from another little who you trust to help guide you and point out what healthy relationships and people look like. A protector of sorts, this should ultimately be a person who you are only platonically engaged with.

[Little kaiya]

Polyamory is definitely not a relationship style that works for everyone. Unfortunately there seem to be a lot of people who think polyamory is some sort of solution to fix a relationship when that is definitely not the case. Polyamory requires a lot of openness, honesty and communication.

 

My Wife, Daddy and I have been in a polyamorous relationship for the past two and a half years and honestly it's nothing any of the three of us went looking to find. It happened very organically and took time to reach where we're at right now. We share every aspect of our lives together by choice but to be fair that's not the same for ever polyamorous relationship. My Daddy was even by my Wife and I's side when my father was dying of cancer. He's welcome by our family and friends just as we're welcome by His.

 

We've never really had to compromise or sacrifice time but we 1000% have had a lot of discussions. We're at a point where we vacation together, celebrate together, mourn together and are rapidly moving towards living together.

 

We certainly dont pretend to be some kind of experts in polyamory but we are always willing to share our experiences with anyone who is interested.

[Guest SpaceGhost]

deleting

Edited June 15, 2020 by SpaceGhost