I need to leave

[Baby Bunny Boo]

Tw: abuse, gaslighting

 

I have a question for those that left abusive households. How much did it cost for you to move out?

Recently ive just had it wit my mother. Not only did she assault me on several occasions throughout my life because i "disrespected her" now she's trying to gaslight me by saying "she would never kick me out because im her daughter". IM DONE. As far as im concerned collage can wait.

[MrWrongUk]

Maybe take a day to cool off? U can’t just move if u have no money it’s dangerous unless u have a friend to stay with.

[_panda_pwincess]

i was in an abusive household with my father then me and my mom moved to live with my family and i also dorm at my university..maybe try other family or ask if friends will be willing to help you out or try dorming at school so you aren't home that much        

[Baby Bunny Boo]

Im not in school yet i know that when i go it would be cheaper to live at home but its not worth it

[LittleCinder]

You're probably right; it's not worth it to live at home. Abusive relationships tend to just become more abusive over time. If she's already assaulted you, that's cause enough for concern. And the longer you stay with someone that's gasilghting you, the more mental damage potentially occurs, which makes it even harder to function in life. Like Panda says, try friends and family and try dorming at school. Get a job if you don't already have one and start saving up to move out. If you need to, have a trusted family member set up a bank account that's not in your name so she can't get ahold of the money, and don't let her guilt you into paying for things unless it's like.. your own food or maybe rent if it's not crazy. Right now with all the COVID stuff it's apparently easier to get state assistance, so you might try applying for food stamps and the like if you're in the US (edit: Once you get into your own place anyway!). I don't know about other countries.

Look into roommates. Sometimes it's better to share a 4 bedroom house with three roommates than it is to live with someone that's always tearing you down. Good luck and if you want someone to talk to, you can send me a friends request. My mother was very emotionally abusive and I've recently gotten out of a 10+ year relationship with a gaslighting narcisisst, so, I can probably understand at least a little of where you're coming from.
 

(2nd edit: Apparently I spoke too much from the heart and forgot to answer the question. You will want first month's rent, as well as the deposit, which is usually a month of rent. So if your rent is 500, you'll need 1000 to move in. Sometimes they only want half for the deposit. If you're bringing furbabies, there'll be pet rent and/or pet deposit if they even allow pets at all. Also don't forget to set some money aside for food or you could hit up the food bank. Sometimes you can call battered women's shelters and they can help out with food and basic care packages that'll include toothbrush/toothpaste, toilet paper, feminine stuff. Or local Catholic organizations are a good place to start too for basic needs. You don't have to be Catholic, either. They will help anyone because they believe they're doing God's work. If you've got a car, make sure you've got gas or live close enough to your job you can walk if you need to. My state has a number for assistance you can call; yours might too. They help you figure out what you need and then provide a list of contacts for you to call.)

Edited May 6, 2020 by LittleCinder

[Baby Bunny Boo]

She mainly take out money for my phone bill and a few other things for the house so i don't have to worry about that. Most of my friends still live at home it just feels like im intruding even if i do explain my situation.

[Guest SparklesLove]

Hi....I can empathize where youre comimg from. I was a foster kid and lived through some serious abuse at the hands of my foster parents. I remember moving out permanently when i was 19 and it was really hard but not impossible. I was homeless and lived in a homeless shelter for a few months.

 

My advice is get a union job (grocery store, walmart, amazon) and save as much money as you can. At the same time start trying to find reliable roommates that you can move in with. I hope this helps.

[MrWrongUk]

She mainly take out money for my phone bill and a few other things for the house so i don't have to worry about that. Most of my friends still live at home it just feels like im intruding even if i do explain my situation.

It’s your home...we all have family who suck. If u realy wanna go save up find a gf who wants to room or a small place.dont rushcit

[_panda_pwincess]

Im not in school yet i know that when i go it would be cheaper to live at home but its not worth it

 

not saying it would be necessarily cheaper to live at home once you go to school? or maybe idk what you're trying to say, but I know that once you go to school (when the reopen campuses) and you dorm, it would makes things so much easier and you could get a job and start saving and possible move out with a roommate. but for now, I wouldn't suggest looking to immediately move out this second. try friends or other family and get a job if you don't already have one so that you can save for later on when you are able to. I know it isn't an easy situation, I've been in a terrible household, but there are a few options you can try first.