Being a little during sex/sexual stuff but not the rest of the time?

[waterbaby]

Is it common in the community to only want to be little for sexual activities, but to rarely feel little the rest of the time? Don't get me wrong, I like doing little activities in my daily life, but I never really feel like I'm in littlespace then, I'm only all the way immersed when I'm horny. And especially when I'm in a relationship I'm reluctant to want to go into littlespace full time because I've found that despite being a little, I'm not very submissive, and I hate being controlled. 

 

I've been off these forums for a while, because after getting out of my last relationship where I was expected to be submissive most of the time, I just felt so bad and wrong, and I assumed the kink wasn't actually for me, but I still feel there's a part of me missing. I don't know how many people would be down for DDLG for sex but would be okay with me being a fully autonomous woman the rest of the time. I know there are non-sexual littles, and that's what I thought I was but actually I had it flipped? I just really don't like letting my sex life bleed into the rest of my life, and I really thought I would, but in practice it made me so miserable. Is this normal? And how do I go about making it work in a potential relationship?

 

[Lollipox]

That's generally referred to as Ageplay, not necessarily being a Little. And it's okay not to be a Little. I feel like somehow there's become a really negative connotation around not being a Little. Like as if it makes someone less valuable, less interesting or just less of anything. It doesn't. It's okay not to be one. Plenty of adults enjoy colouring, watching cartoons, collecting dolls, buying plushies and so on.

And it's perfectly okay to only be interested in it during sexytimes. 

 

I wouldn't say it excludes you entirely from those who categorise themselves as DD/lg because for many there's still the sexual side of it, but if it's only a sexual kink that's not really what DD/lg is (as it's more of a lifestyle or relationship dynamic, originally based around BDSM). 

 

How you'd make it work with a partner really just depends on their own kinks and fetishes, whether they're into ageplay. I mean, a common sexual fantasy for people is the whole "schoolgirl" or "cheerleader" thing. Adult Stores all carry uniforms for stuff like that. Which isn't to say everyone who's got a schoolgirl fantasy will be open to ageplay, but they probably would be. So maybe finding out if they're into that kinda thing might help? It's kind of a more-common-than-people-think kink, but still considered taboo. 

 

"I don't know how many people would be down for DDLG for sex but would be okay with me being a fully autonomous woman the rest of the time."

I would say there are more people only interested in ageplaying vs. how many are actually interested in being a Daddy Dom (or Mommy).

Hence why there are a lot of "Daddies" who PM Littles asking them sexualized or inappropriate questions. They're not doing it to be respectful and get to know someone, it's generally because they wanna put their weiner in or around you. lol They're not gonna stay up late because they wanna read you stories or comb your hair.

I feel that Mommies and Daddies are a rare and precious commodity. But people only looking for the sexual side of it are more common. Just try and feel out their kinks and enquire about their sexual fantasies. 

 

Err sorry if I repeated myself or didn't make sense. M a lil brain foggy atm. 

Edited April 12, 2020 by P o x

[waterbaby]

Ok thank you, it sounds so obvious now that you say it. I've always known about ageplay and people having kinks exclusively in the bedroom, but for some reason I guess I pigeonholed myself into thinking that just wasn't me. It's a relief to know that this is more common than I thought.

Edited April 12, 2020 by waterbaby

[little1grl]

In some ways you are fortunate in that there are more age players than people into DDlg. I’ve been trying to find a Daddy Dom for DDlg and I keep running into ageplayers. It’s a bit frustrating but I think you’ll have an easier time of it than me. For some reason a lot of age players do seem to get it confused with DDlg since I keep running into them.

[LittleTeacup]

So you might be an ageplayer, but also just to be clear there is such a thing as dominant littles. Kinda like "princess has got daddy wrapped around her finger". It's not necessary to be submissive to feel little!  And of course while age playing you can be dominant too if that's what you like best.

[waterbaby]

And I DO feel like a little, it was just the submissive aspect that bothered me. I guess I just have to find the right combination of factors to make DDlg work for me, Im gonna do some soul searching and experimenting and try to find my place in this community. Thanks you all for your words of wisdom  

[carmine]

i think ageplay is slightly mislabeled; for me as a little I am not "pretending" to be anything in a sexual context - just as being a little is "part of who I am," the sexual aspect, for me, is a natural outpouring of that as well. I guess that's different from age-players who really are "playing" being a certain age, but are not little otherwise. It's upto you, of course, what you think makes most sense to you. And sure "labels are not that important," as no duh, but if you are attempting to figure out who you are, the standard way of talking about these experiences is important. So in that labels are important.