LDR CG looking for advice

[Intotheattic]

I have only just recently met my little. We're long distance and talk over discord. We do video calls, voice calls, and regular chats. We talk daily. 

I'm enjoying myself and he is too. I try to keep our communication very open and honest and he's pretty reciprocal with that.

One of the main things I'm kind of having trouble with is that because we're long distance we obviously can't be with each other all the time, and I feel like he only wants to talk to me when he's in little space. He's also a lot more interested in the nsfw side of things than I am, Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all of that a lot too, but it feels like that's all he's interested in sometimes.

I know that talking to him about this directly is the best approach, and I don't plan on brooding about this by myself. I just want to see if any other caregivers have dealt with something similar.

[Guest Minister Judas]

I've...had a similar situation before with a little from the past. The best thing to do would be to make sure you are very careful with your wording. Use "I" statements (I feel like, I think, etc) to avoid making it feel like an accusation or or like you don't trust them. Make a point to be clear that you want more from them than the NSFW things, how you simply want some sort of reassurance that you aren't just a diversion or a means to an end to get what he wants. Take time to brainstorm the things you want to discuss and try to prepare what you want to say so you aren't floundering due to nerves or uncertainty.

 

I hope that helps.

[Drillbit46]

I agree with Judas, it is VERY important to use 'I' statements with your little. When I was in a LDR with my little at the time we talked daily on the phone, we also texted through out the day and the night. If one of us were going to be unable to respond for a few hours we would tell the other and be clear about why and what we were going to be doing. For example at work, taking a test, studying for our college courses, or if there was something else like a family thing or friend thing. That way neither of us felt like we were a 'space-filler' for when the other was bored or had spare time. We shared the NSFW things and the PG things all the time as well. Her and I put forth an equal amount of energy and effort to make our partner feel involved and like a priority in our lives. Anytime something did arise, we discussed it immediately. With open communication we made it last for just over two years and I still miss her daily. It is very important to keep communication open and clear, you will always be able to make a LDR work and last if both partners are serious about it. One suggestion I give is write out what you want to say and then read it to them. This is something that helps me greatly. Otherwise I miss something or am not as clear as I could be. Write it out like a speech or a letter to them and read it to them when you two sit down to talk.

 

*Edit: When you 'sit down' to talk as in when you two are on a video or voice call. I would suggest using video call for this too, being a major thing about the relationship it is best to be as close to face-to-face in person as possible.

 

i hope for the best outcome for you and your little!!

Edited April 14, 2020 by Drillbit46