Questions For the CGs

[Guest Geektastic Lulu]

Hi Everyone!

 

To give a little background: My Daddy's best friend always sends him dirty gifs and pics of women in fb messenger. Daddy doesn't respond when the friend does this (to my knowledge). However, I know that he has deleted the worse ones when he thought I didn't know about them. I've expressed to Daddy that it makes me uncomfortable when the friend does this, but he refuses to tell the friend to stop. Instead, Daddy ignores the fact that it bothers me. Both Daddy and the best friend are married, however, Daddy and the friend laugh about the friend cheating on his wife multiple times. It bothers me that Daddy ignores my feelings and it bothers me that the friend is so disrespectful. I'm assuming that Daddy thinks its just "men being men", but it's gross. It's been going on for 6 years!

 

Now to the questions:

 

Why doesn't he ask the friend to stop?

 

Why does he try to hide it from me?

 

Am I overreacting for feeling this way?

 

Of course, the answers are just your opinion on the subject. Only Daddy knows how he feels but, he refuses to explain it to me.  

 

Thank you to anyone that takes the time to read this. 

Edited April 11, 2020 by Geektastic Lulu

[SmolAetherr]

Hey there figured i would take a stab at this

 

 

Why doesn't he ask the friend to stop?

maybe it doesen't bother him as much sounds like he is making an effort to seperate you from it

in all honesty you cant  control how two people interact with eachother seperate from you and its rather silly to try, its probably for the best that you search for a way to make peace with it since its a long term friendship it is unlikely to stop anytime soon and it clearly works for them

 

Why does he try to hide it from me?

because he no doudt knows how it makes you feel and he has respect for you which should tell you that in practice he does not share his friend's views.

 

Am I overreacting for feeling this way?

i would say yes and no

 

yes because you cant choose his friends for him or dictate what he does and does not talk about, thats not healthy to be on the recieving end of a partner who says "you can't talk to this person because i dont like them"

 

and no because this friend does sound like a horrible person and it is fair to wonder just what is keeping them together all these years, sometimes a long term friendship can be sustained purely on how long it has lasted
 

 

and no its not "men being men" men are not disrespectful or cheaters or assholes only assholes are assholes, cheaters are cheaters, and people not worth your time are disrespectful.

i would rather you didnt use the "men will be men" because its almost as bad as saying all women are emotional and crazy, its dehumanising and plain unfair.

Edited April 11, 2020 by Aetherr

[zanderandspike]

Before I say this, I know we are only getting your side of the story, and I'm sure there's more to it than this.

 

Man, I'll be honest, that throws up some big red flags to me. His friend doesn't sound like he respects women at all. I would be consired about this because we become like the people we hang around. 

 

but for your questions:

 

Why doesn't he ask the friend to stop?

        He might not see anything wrong with what his friend is doing, he might think of it as harmless fun, he might even like that his friends sends him stuff like that, but this is really something you need to ask him

 

Why does he try to hide it from me?

       He might not like the way you react to it

 

Am I overreacting for feeling this way?

        I don't think you are

 

edit: hit enter too early, and some grammar 

Edited April 11, 2020 by zanderandspike

[baby_k]

The friend is a jerk but I would be superduper worried that YOUR daddy laughs at that wife. Like seriously wtf. That is incredibly disrespectful and horrible, and tells lot about HIM. And that would be lot more concerning imo than the pictures as people just can have weirdest relationship and ways to communicate but laughing at someone in that sort of situation?

 

Why doesn't he ask the friend to stop? Might be awkward to do so, and he could be afraid to cause drama with the friend. Or he doesn't see it as an issue and actually might even like the pics.

 

Why does he try to hide it from me? He either knows it's somehow wrong and weird, or he just knows your reaction.

 

Am I overreacting for feeling this way? No. To the pictures maybe a bit as it is sort of harmless unless the pictures are something else than just porn: what is the real reason you don't like the pics? Why they make you uncomfortable?

 

I would personally have hard time continuing to date person who laughs at anyone who gets cheated, that is violence against that REAL person and not okay ( and I have horrible sense of humor that can get pretty dark... but I still don't see it okay to laugh at that poor woman ). So, I think this is not just about the pics, and you are botherd about something bigger: how he treats other people and maybe even you, or how he sees you and is he really respecting you as a person maybe?

[Guest Minister Judas]

Why doesn't he ask the friend to stop?

My main thought is that he doesn't think it's a big deal and doesn't think you are serious about it bothering you, or (hopefully not) he just doesn't care and assumes you will just "get over it" eventually.

 

 

Why does he try to hide it from me?

Now, this one I have a bit of experience in outside of DDlg in the past in which I deleted messages that I thought would upset my partner at the time. Unfortunately, that is not the correct route to go as it implies duplicity when there may not be any. Another option is that he may have mixed feelings over receiving them because of how he thinks you will react, which is also not a wise decision or the correct way to go about it.

 

 

Am I overreacting for feeling this way?

In my opinion, I do not believe you are overreacting. Your feelings are still real and the situation is clearly bothering you, making them valid to an extent.

 

 

I hope this helps.