Daddy doesn't give attention!!! Help please

[Guest lildinonugget]

I'm in a ldr with my daddy for over a year now. It was all good in the beginning but he has started acting weird now. I'm a little and I want rules (even if just to break them ) but I have no rules. I tried talking to him about this but he just doesn't reply. I have no rules right now. I can do whatever I want. I don't get more than 5 messages from him in a day. I confronted him about this and ge said he'll do better but he doesn't change. He'll change for a day but then that's it. He doesn't even appreciate the pictures I color for him (that's a big thing for a little!!) He stops texting me when I tell him I'm sad. But there are days (probably once a month) when he give me soooooooo much attention and everything seems alright. I don't know what to do. I feel like I demand too much attention and I'm clingy. I don't know what to do. Help please. Sorry for the huge rant

[Guest BigDaddyDominant]

For one its not a huge rant.What your "daddy" is doing is neglect. My advice is two fold one talk to him if things don't change you may have to decide if you want to keep being in this relationship. This is the reason I get so angry seeing so called "daddies" treat the little's so badly and giving us that actually try a very bad name. They only make it even harder for those of us that are still trying and looking. I'll step off my soap box now

Edited April 7, 2020 by BigDaddyDominant

[Guest lildinonugget]

I tried talking to him but all he says is I understand I'm treating you like shit, I do better I promise but he just goes back to ignoring me. He also still talk to his ex little which I don't like at all (yes I've told him about it) and I hate it when she slips in little space with him.

[Guest BigDaddyDominant]

Are you in a monogamous relationship? Because if so then yeah that's a deal breaker right there. I'd already be very sketchy with your so called "daddy". I hate to say it but in my opinion he sounds like he's stringing you along. It may be better if your ready to move on because he doesn't sound like he's going to change.

[Guest lildinonugget]

Thank you for your advice. I'll try talking to him one last time

[ElJay]

I don't want to upset you, but I feel like I have to be honest. Some parts of what you said made me think that maybe he's just not as enthusiastic about the CGl dynamic as you are (or perhaps he just wants something a bit different); some parts made me wonder if maybe he's just a little exhausted/not able to give you the emotional energy you need. Both things would be cause for a serious conversation, but I think not *necessarily* the end for you two. But ignoring you when you're sad is a serious red flag - as is temporarily giving you what you need just to keep you, and then reverting back to old behaviours the rest of the time. And of course, maintaining a relationship with his former little's little self, when he knows that it upsets you (I dont think as a general rule you can ask people to just block out their exes, but I do personally think being with her in little space is something else entirely).

 

He shouldn't just be your daddy - at the very least, he should also be your friend. Would you maintain a friendship with someone who ignores you when you're sad, doesn't seem too bothered about the things that matter to you, doesn't communicate with you properly, and does things that they know actively upset you?

 

People might tell you that you need to communicate - and 99.9% of the time, I think that's what's needed - but it seems like you have tried to do that, and he clearly *does* understand what you actually need, as he will on rare occasions offer it.

 

It's obviously your call and it's very unlikely to be an easy decision, but if you do want to try to salvage things, I would really recommend putting the ball in his court. Don't ignore him - but take a step back, stop trying to negotiate, and stop pursuing. So he doesn't just get to say that he'll change - he necessarily has to demonstrate it. It's really not a lot to ask for him to show you that this kind of relationship is really what he wants, and for you both to be able to properly gage if your needs are truly compatible.

 

Very best of luck.

[Guest lildinonugget]

This really helps a lot. Thank you so much. I know I should end things and it's probably not good for my mental health either but it's just so hard. I've been with him over a year now and as much as I hate it I'm attached to him and I don't want to leave him. The real problem is that he told me that he tried to kill himself after his previous little broke up with him and that scares the shit out of me

[Emillia]

Dump him. (I'm sorry, I know that's very direct)
 

Whatever he's doing doesn't sound like very daddy-like behavior to me. A real daddy (who also felt responsible for your relationship and your well-being) would never do that to you. You deserve much, much better than this.

[ElJay]

You're most welcome. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. This is definitely far more than him just not giving you the attention you need in your CGl dynamic, it seems there are some really fundamental problems here - and it might give you some reassurance if you allow yourself to acknowledge that.

 

Ultimately, if neither of you are happy, some short-term pain will be vastly preferable to long-term unhappiness. And honestly, it doesn't sound like either of you are really happy. Relationships always require work, but they shouldn't always be hard work. The whole point is to enhance each other's happiness and offer mutual support.

 

You have to think about your own happiness, and you can't make yourself entirely responsible for someone else's wellbeing. If he has ideas about suicide, then he needs to seek professional help. It is not a responsibility that you should take on your shoulders - and if he is in any way communicating this to you in such a way that it strikes you as a threat (i.e. he might try again if you break up with him), then that is a very big red flag - major emotional manipulation. Please, please do not put up with it, if that is indeed the case.

 

You can be kind to him, you can re-assure him that you care, and you can suggest he speaks to professionals/other support if he needs it - none of that means you have to be trapped in a CGl (or any other romantic/intimate type of) relationship. If he wants to make it work, he will do what he can. But if your needs aren't compatible, there's nothing anyone can do about that, and you may both need to acknowledge that for the sake of both of your wellbeing.

 

Whatever you do, I really hope you have people around you who can support you through it all. At the very least please talk to people here - don't feel you're alone.

[MissPattch]

Hey Lil_princess

 

First of, your daddy's behaviour is throwing up a tonne of red flags for me, and i don't even know him .Giving you just enough attention to keep you interested and ignoring you the rest of the time and continuing a connection with an ex who you say he tried to end his life over when they separated is manipulative and abusive. You already know you should leave and that this situation is no good for you, but you absolutely shouldn't wait until he has broken you into small enough pieces that you aren't able to put yourself back together. I know it crazy hard to end something that you have invested so much time and effort in to, i left my abusive relation after 8 years, but if he still hasn't changed after you asking him, then i doubt he will. What ever his reasons are for behaving in the way he is, they are not your responsibility. If you are unhappy, which it sounds like to me, then you need to prioritise your own needs first and foremost. In waiting around for this man to change, you are missing out on the opportunity of finding and being with the daddy who is perfect for you. I get that sometimes, when we are little, its extra hard to do the grown up stuff, but sometimes we need to  so that our inner littles can flourish <3 

Edited April 7, 2020 by MissPattch

[Alaskan Daddy]

as in every relationship your needs and feelings and desires are just as important as your partner. If your partner can't or is un-willing to meet your needs and desires there is nothing wrong with you wanting to make a change. If talking with your daddy does not change things for the way you want, then your daddy may not be the right one for you and your needs. It does not make him a bad daddy or you a clingy little, it just means that you and him are not right for each other. I also know it is hard for you to think about leaving your daddy because you have put so much your heart and soul into the relationship. But if you can be selfish and think about your needs and desires then the next relationship you have will be so much better because you will not settle.

I hope this helps and good luck

[Vampiress]

Everything that can be said has already been said. Even if CG/l wasnt the most important aspect of your relationship, it doesn't even sound like that he is making an effort to fulfill any of the basics in a vanilla relationship. Sounds like he doesn't care about anyone but himself. I don't understand why he still has contact with his previous little when you've expressed it's crossing a boundary of yours and then he lets her go into little space with him? If you haven't consented to any of this then he's definitely doing a big no-no there. I'd dump him honestly, but I know that's easier said than done when feelings are involved. However, the sooner you move and pick yourself back up again the sooner you open yourself up to a better more fulfilling relationship with someone who actually deserves you. He doesn't seem to bother wanting to take care of you, so in this instance you have to take care of you and think of yourself. He just isn't worth it.