Misinterpretations galore

[Guest ProfessorDaddy33]

I am learning I’m not good at communicating online and it leads to frustration on both sides and I hate arguing with people but it’s a challenge to know how to interpret what someone is saying online and I guess because I do love being a Daddy it’s my responsibility to learn how to understand other people better online. I am not perfect, but I do always strive to improve. I guess in short I realize communication is key to a relationship, but I just keep messing up. Advice is welcome. Please be considerate though and not sarcastic in your response. Hopefully the mods ensure constructive criticism. Thank you.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Misunderstandings happen even when we're sitting right next to someone chatting, and you're so right that it's easier for this to happen online. 

Being aware of that gives you a head start IMO, so I think you should pat yourself on the back for giving this serious thought

Sometimes the only answer is to bat something back n forth until you both understand, and this can be done in a pleasant way if you both have the aim of trying to understand each other. It's often best to avoid accusatory statements, e.g. instead of "you confuse me" or "you're not making sense" it's maybe better to say "I'm confused, please can you explain this bit ...".

 

For me, although I'm active in the discussion threads here, when it comes to one-to-one chats, I'm not very keen on online messaging beyond basic chat. After that I'd rather introduce phone calls. A phone call gives the tone of voice and that can change everything. I find it's much better for clear communication, and there's an added warmth to it. Video calls are even better as you add in the facial expression. 

 

If you're stuck with (or choose) totally online communication, maybe try:

• to feedback to each other "okay so I think you mean blah blah blah, is that right?"
• to cut & paste something you want to address, so the other person knows exactly what you're referring to. 
• to tackle big topics in small chunks - make sure you understand each other at each stage before moving on to the next part.
• read aloud what you've written before you send it. Sometimes hearing it aloud helps you see how it will sound to someone else.
• pause before sending if you're unsure. Take a break, re-read it with fresh eyes, see if it still sounds good to you.

Hope some of that helps in your online interactions or posts here, but honestly you're not alone in finding misunderstands crop up. It happens to everyone.

 

Looby

 

 

[Guest Minister Judas]

I've kind of been in the same boat recently, but I think I'm starting to come out of it. Communicating can be hard, very hard, but it is always best to try to do it in as tactful a manner possible.

 

-Remember to use I statements (I feel as though, I think, etc) to avoid coming off as accusatory

 

-Do your best to clearly state things in the most understandable fashion that you can manage

 

-Try to not let things go for too long without addressing them as it could cause you to kind of erupt at them when you don't want to.

 

I hope this helps. Remember, no matter how much experience you may have, this will always be a learning experience. There are bound to some mishaps on occasion. Just keep the faith in the relationship.

[Guest ProfessorDaddy33]

Thank you both for the suggestions! I am very appreciative!

[Guest Teasing Tink]

It's okay, misunderstandings happen to the best of us, we all make mistakes from time to time and we all have personal triggers from past experience or whatever else that cause things to get lost in translation. Our mistakes and misunderstandings just give us an opportunity to grow. The important thing is that you're open to learning and improving which is great. 

 

I found the principles outlined in this video to be really helpful for both online and offline communication:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT1o2esE_88&t=733s

 

And overall, just be curious rather than crushing with your words when seeking clarification. I know it's all too easy to jump the gun with assumptions when we feel triggered/emotionally flooded but asking questions rather than jumping to conclusions can prevent things from getting heated/going downhill. The benefit to online communication is that you have time to cool off and determine what you're really feeling and why before responding.

Edited April 5, 2020 by Teasing Tink

[Guest NonServiam]

Communication is so key, never be afraid of overcommunication, either.  My Little and I talk a great deal, which is think is a major thing for an LDR relationship.  If we have issues, we talk them out.  If we don't understand something, or it seems out of character, we clarify.  We leave nothing to doubt, and our communication has become much more effective with every passing week.  I recently made a pretty substantial blunder, and it was because I didn't communicate well.  To beat a horse that if not dead is in mortal danger of expiring, overcommunicate.  Everything.