how to support my partner in being a mommy?*trigger/trauma warning*

[spillingfluids]

I honestly had no idea where to put this, so apologies in advance if this was the wrong section to..

 

I’ve been in a loving relationship with my partner, who has been my little for the past three years, and hopefully many more to come. Our ddlg dynamic consists of mostly non-sexual experiences, as she often gets insecure and depressed about her body, I often put a lot of effort into trying to help her build esteem/confidence while in her little headspace.

 

Now, the issue. I’m in more of a caregiver headspace a lot of the time, but sometimes whether it’s being under pressure or regressing to avoid dealing with traumatic experiences I as well sometimes go into littlespace. My partner has expressed being open with sometimes being a caregiver/mommy, and I thought that it’d be okay. We tried it a few times and every time she couldn’t handle it, and she broke down and cried.

 

For a little background, she’s transgender and has had a lot of traumatic experiences as a child involving physical/sexual/emotional abuse which in turn made her very fragile, as well as having a history of hurting herself and attempting suicide. Even though I assure her that she is one, she sometimes doesn’t feel like a woman or think that she looks like one, even though she 100% does. We’ve talked it over and found that it was the main root of her issues with being a mommy, because she for some reason associates it with dominance and dominance to her is masculine??

 

Now, what I’m here for. I want to make her feel as womanly as possible while being a little and her being a caregiver, and I’m not sure how to do it. I need advice regarding that, could be things that I’d do for her or say to her, but she needs support a lot and I truly believe that if she was happier and more confident in herself, she would really enjoy being a caregiver, and she has expressed so too.

 

(tldr; little seeking ways to make sure his mommy is confident with herself when being a caregiver)

[zanderandspike]

Sorry in advance if this sounds harsh, but she might only be trying to be a CG because she thinks it's what you need. Unfortunently it's not really something you can force... I think you should have a long talk about why she wants to be a Mommy before trying it again. 

 

As for tips that helped me:

• If she's more in the mindself of 'I have to take care of' vs 'I'm in charge' that might help, and to do that will probably require some long talks, and some trials, maybe go into littlespace while she's around but when she doesn't have to do anything, just color quietlyfor an hour or so and just let her watch over you ya know?
• You need to tell her what you want her to do as your Mommy, do you want her to cook for you? Do you want her to feed you? Do you want her to spank you? All of these cound be things she's just not sure of, and obvs a talk of limits needs to happen with this too, and it's ok if both sides have limits(sometimes we know this but it's good to hear).
• Lastly, find out what makes her feel like a woman, is it a dress and makeup? Is is cooking? Is it some else? Then find a way to add that into little time, like if dressing up makes her feel prettyand feminen then maybe she could help dress you up and get dressed up and go outside for a picnick(this can happen in the back yard) or if she feels fem when she does crafts or something, or maybe if it's cooking she could make cookies and y'all could decorate them. 

 

(sorry all my examples are dressing up and cooking, that's what makes me feel fem lol)

 

~Drea/zander

[Somewhatdiscreet]

I agree with Kitty about this potentially being her trying to fulfill your needs rather than actively wanting it herself. Also, this is probably very problematic if it's triggering intense gender dysphoria in her and probably isn't worth the harm it's causing her.

 

Gendered expectations of human behaviour are deeply ingrained to us in our culture and simply logically knowing that being "dominant doesn't mean masculine" isn't enough to truly make ourselves emotionally believe it. It takes a lot of time and I do hope that you can work on that first over time. I'm sorry I dont have anything more helpful.

[spillingfluids]

Thank you for the responses, I appreciate them a lot <3