Parents find outs I am into ddlg. What should I do??

[Guest babyneko_kate]

Today, my dad pulled me aside to talk. Apparently he had a spying thingy installed in my phone that monitors what I do on my phone. He found out through there that I was into DDLG. He said he was 'hurt' because I wanted to call someone else daddy. I don't think he understands what is DDLG and why it is important to me. He just get up and went out the door. He called me a psychopath and crazy, said I will have a dome future. My mom checked all my chat records and DDLG stuff. She said I wasn't a religious Catholic like they were. I didn't even wanna be one. I was made one as soon as I was born. They called me a slut. I just feel so hurt. Before, they always say my happiness is important, said they 'respect' me, claim that they know me the BEST out of all people. But today their action doesn't say that. They told me to leave as soon as I finished my education. They didn't respect my privacy at all. They never cared what I feel or think. 

Now, I am just so hurt and lost. I really want someone's advice in this . Do any of you have this experience?

 If so, please share how you handle this situation. I really need help.       

[Theo]

Hey Kate, 

 

Heavy to hear what you've been through recently. I do think it's very good that you seek help from others. 

I do want to say that what your parents did is NOT okey. Spying on your phone without your consent is not okey. Calling you a psycho and crazy is also really not okey. 

 

For now, please do realize that their response is probably not thought-through. They saw what you typed, they could not understand why you would do that and they panicked and responded the way they did. They response does not have to represent the way they REALLY think about you. As you said: they respect you, want you to be happy and know you the best. They probably want you to see you that same way now again, but they probably can't at the moment. 

 

I would advise you to ask your parents for a talk. A serious talk. And in that talk I would advise you to talk about how you feel. That you are hurt they did not respect your privacy. That it seems to you that they no longer care about you. And most of all that you really miss them trying to understand you.. trying to get to know why you would do such a thing. 

 

And also try to listen to their feelings.. They are probably afraid you replaced your dad with the ddlg daddy.. that he's not good enough.. Try to listen to their concerns...  And most importantly: give your parents time... don't expect them to understand all this from day 1. You probably slowly discovered DDLG and slowly learned about its ways. Also give your parents that time. 

 

As final advise, I would wanna say: you are not alone, please keep seeking comfort and aid from others. You'll get through this.. and if you parents do care about you, you and your parents will slowly come together again.. 

 

I wish you all the best and if you have more questions about what I wrote here, feel free to talk it through in a pm. 

 

-Theo

[Vampiress]

Hihi Kate,

 

Since you're over age 18 it's definitely not okay to be spying on you like that. I'd still say it's questionable if you're underage, but totally wrong that you're of an adult age now. I know what happened really hurts and I'd expect a similar reaction from my own family. If you approach them about this later, try to think about this from their perspective. DD/lg and BDSM (not sure if you're into both but they're often in the same category) have a lot of negative connotations especially from people who don't understand or aren't familiar. I'd also consider since your family is religious that anything sexual (I'm not sure if you're a sexual little, but they might be assuming it's that way regardless), especially outside of what they'd consider normal, is really going to be hard for them to accept. I can also see where your dad might be upset and misunderstand you calling anyone but him Daddy. Any further conversation about this will have to be handled delicately if you hope to make any positive progress with them, but I can't guarantee they'll ever understand. I know you're feeling a world of hurt after the things they said and the names they called you. That's NOT okay and not fair. I hope that if you try to be the bigger person and understand their point of view that they'll take a step back and realize their response was extreme and totally mean and unfair. I don't have any experience with this exact sort of things. I know in the past some of my internet history was gleaned but nothing quite like DD/lg and still got an extremely negative reaction so I can only imagine how poorly I'd be treated if they knew about this. You're definitely not alone. I hope that this has a positive resolution for you, but if not you have plenty of people here willing to listen and help you get through it.

[Guest TheyCallMeLovely]

That sounds extremely hard and I’m sorry you had to go through it.

 

I would give the situation a few days since it just happened today and emotions are always the highest at the start. Things will probably be awkward for a while. I also doubt they will want you to move.

 

I’m pretty certain that they still have the spyware on your phone as why not use that to explicitly talk to your friends about how you aren’t a slut, how you’re upset, and how much you care for your parents. I’m sure they’ll end up reading it. To reenforce this, I suggest a follow up conversation, telling them what you did online was only online and you never did it to hurt your parents.

 

It’s hard to maneuver when you’re living under someone else’s roof and even more so when they’re still a protective parent.

 

Wishing you the best!

[MasterPhotog]

Hello Kate, 

 

I'm sorry to hear about your parents' extremely negative behaviour towards you for being a little. 

 

I'm not familiar with your culture, however a parent installing a spying app on their adult daughter's phone, going through her private conversation, not respecting her privacy, calling her such names as 'slut', 'psychopath' and 'crazy', speaks much more about them than you. As you know, their actions clearly show their feelings regardless of how they made you feel before. 

 

It's sad that you're still living with them, however it would be in your best interest that you leave their house when you education is complete. 

 

My advice to you, is to be strong, have an adult conversation with them to leave you alone and respect your privacy. 

 

Keep in mind that you being an adult must be respected for choices you make for yourself that your parents and others must respect. In addition, their their actions may possibly be illegal. Being a little is something to be proud of and not anything to be ashamed of. 

 

Best wishes. 

[KeiKitten]

Hi Kate

 

I'd say it's certainly NOT ok for them to have spyware on your phone, especially when you're a legal adult! While it would be a good idea to try and have a serious/calm conversation when it has been a couple days/to allow them to calm down, I would also recommend either getting a new phone and letting them NOWHERE near it. Or take it to an IT/Phone specialist and having them remove any traces of the software and then never leaving your phone unattended near your parents as I'm sure if they installed software without your permission on it once they would certainly do it again.

 

Hopefully, you can explain/get some understanding from your parents once you talk with them! But if not then it may be best to get your own place once your education is finished and know you will always have a supportive/loving community here! I know what it's like to have family force you under a religion/try pressure one onto you and if you ever want to talk my inbox is open! Wishing you the best xx

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

Tbh it is sort of creepy that your father is bent out of shape about being "replaced" as a Daddy. That is not what ddlg is about. Your parents sound like typical close-minded religious types. If they refuse to respect you, cut them out if possible. Otherwise limit contact