Feeling ashamed of my desire to be "little"?

[kitten monster]

Hi! I'm new to the forum!

 

About 4 months ago I met my current boyfriend online, and about 2 months ago we started exploring the DDlg lifestyle. He's my Daddy now and I'm his good little kitten, and I wouldn't have it any other way. It has changed my life.

 

I never knew that any of this kind of thing appealed to me, but now that we've started, I can't stop, I'm addicted. I want to explore more!

 

The thing is, I'm a bit insecure about it. The first reason being that I am a very big feminist, and I have always taken feminism and women's rights very seriously.

So it feels a bit counterintuitive to me when I preach all these ideas about female empowerment outside the bedroom, and inside the bedroom I have this desire to be a small, frail, immature, submissive little baby girl who wants to be told what to do by her dom. I'm still coming to terms with it.

 

The other thing I'm insecure about is my body/appearance in general. I am a very tall girl, 5'11" to be exact, and there's things about my body type and general appearance that aren't as "feminine" as they could be (thankfully my Daddy is also very tall, 6'4"!).

So, oftentimes I really want to enter "little space" (a term I only just now learned and am learning to explore) but I just feel like I look really stupid as this very large (not exactly fat, but I'm tall and have broad shoulders) young adult woman trying to act like a child.

 

Does anyone else have any insecurities that prevent them from entering their "little space"?

 

[kitten monster]

A woman can still be empowered and dominant outside of her relationship; being a strong, independent lady in the work field and even be a bread winner but maybe still wants to have someone take care of her when she comes home. And that's perfectly okay.

 

That's absolutely the case with Daddy and I, I have a more steady job (he's a wrestler) and much higher level of education than him, so one day when we become a more serious couple and combine our finances I will probably be more of the "breadwinner." I have a lot of responsibility in my work, A LOT, so it is really nice to be able to be "taken care of" at the end of the day.

 

Thanks for your words. You are absolutely right. Feminism should absolutely dictate that a woman can make her own choices. I'm just very new to this community and wasn't sure if this was a big discussion!

 

I'm learning a lot. A lot of me coming into my own as a "little" has involved me abandoning my old-fashioned and narrow-minded views about feminism. And it's great to talk to other little about this, this is the first time I have ever reached out to anyone else in the community! As I said, this is all very new.

[Daddys__kitten]

Now I'm not a feminist, BUT I think something is very wrong if you (not you!) talk about how smart and capable women are, and then look down on choices some women do. Like you are only pro equal rights if you choose a career in a field that is dominated by men. To me that is just stupid.

If you feel good about your lifestyle and it makes you happy, well go ahead with it. What you do in you private life has nothing to do with your professional life.

[kitten monster]

I'm sorry everyone, I wasn't trying to offend or insult anyone's choices.

This was just a mental roadblock I've been trying to overcome and wanted to see if anyone else experienced something similar.

Sorry if it came off as judgmental, that wasn't my intention at all.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

You will hear this over and over as you explore this lifestyle. Being a "little girl" is a state of mind. I am 44 years old, 5'8", work and am working towards gaining a personal training qualification, I have three kids and do not bow down to anyone other than my daddy. I am submissive to him, not men in general. Seriously, ask any one of my exes haha. It's a choice not an old fashioned sexist ideal.

He is my authority, my leader, my owner and my master as well as my daddy, my lover, my soulmate, my love and my partner.

[kitten monster]

Sorry you guys, I realized I worded this totally incorrectly and made it sound like I was being critical or judgmental of the lifestyle. Now that I have started exploring the online DDlg communities I am starting to feel much more comfortable about myself and comfortable with what I want.

I was just trying to explain how I was feeling. Never meant to sound critical of the lifestyle! Sorry guys. And thanks for all the help. I hope to learn a lot more from you all going forward.

[tinyhallie]

I don't think you sounded critical or judgmental. I completely understand where you're coming from. It's hard, coming to terms with what your kinks are, especially when what your beliefs are (eg feminism) don't seem to match up. Even when I was just doing "standard" BDSM things, (hitting, choking, being tied up, etc) it felt strange to me. I liked it, and I wondered if that made me wrong, or less of a feminist, or...something. But the thing is, feminism is about being whoever YOU want to be. Feminism to me means that if I want to go to college, get a PhD, be incredibly successful in my career, I can. Or, I can be a stay at home soccer mom. Or anything in between, and all of it is AWESOME. As long as it's what I want for myself. The same is true about our wants in the bedroom. Don't feel like your kinks make you less of a feminist. They make you a stronger one, in my opinion. 

 

As far as not being physically little, girl I hear you. I'm 5'7, and definitely not what you see on these DDlg Tumblr blogs. My shoulders are broad, my ass is fat, and guess what? I'm still little. It's a mindset, really. Like any other form of submission, you've got to let yourself go, fall into it. And your Daddy can help with that, by "talking you" into little space (baby talk, basically). Just let yourself be little, if you want to be little. 

 

This is a personal thing, if you're not comfortable talking about it with anyone irl other than your Daddy, then that's fine. Nobody has to know about your sex life. So don't worry about whether this affects your feminism. It doesn't. And if you think people will say it does, then... don't tell those people about your DDlg relationship. 

[BodicainDaddy]

In my opinion, one should never be ashamed of one's desires - the proof of the pudding is how one handles them. Your mind is your own space, ultimately.

 

I think one route you may want to go down, as much as it is possible, is to think about your desires and try to identify what they are at core, what appeals, what excites and what you need from them - and then see if you can find within all that an even more fundamental need/part of yourself that powers it all - self-awareness makes everything better as then you know what lights you're trying to turn on.

 

[Me as an example: My ultimate overriding desire is to make those I love happy, but be the sole creator of the situation that makes them happy, so have total control over it, so all the happiness they experience, and their gratitude, is mine.]

 

You should also not worry too much about the relationship between your desires and 'who you are' in the outside world, both in mental and physical terms, they are often disjointed (and not necessarily vice versa of one another), my sexual fantasy desires can often wildly disagree with the principles I live my life by, but they are fantasies and you're allowed to enjoy the thought of them, and when/if they play out in real life they will be safe, sane and consensual (the guide words for all good sex!) even if what the play is depicting may be far from that!

 

Speaking more practically, and only as suggestions, I think you'd benefit from looking for huge soft toys (I'm thinking of one my own ickle girl has, a pony which is something like three foot in length) to limit the disconnect between your little self and your actual body.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

I didn't sense any judgement or criticism in your post. You're fine.

[Daddys__kitten]

I hope I didn't make you feel that way, English isn't my first language and I find it hard to express all nuances in it. If I came of harsh, I'm sorry, it wasn't what I intended!

[LB Chris]

Feminism is like about being free to be yourself and being respected as an equal in society regardless of your gender, rather than about any one mode of living which is something we decide for ourselves and itself needs to be respected.

[Guest MyDaddyMyWorld]

In a broad sense we should all be "feminists". Standing up for our rights as human beings, not just women. I will not be spoken down to because I am a woman. I will not be treated in any derogatory way because I am a woman. But I also accept my womanly "weaknesses" such as generally less physical strength etc. I am much stronger than some men of course, bit I actually WANT a man that is stronger than me, that will do things for me, fix things, carry things. To me that's not sexism, it's a man wanting to take care of me. I crave that and it's wonderful to have it in my daddy. He knows I am capable, but he knows I love him doing those things for me. That's the difference.