Little Needing Advice

[gkempf8]

When I met my daddy he was in a poly relationship with a sub who was aware of him looking for other submissive. He then ended up finding me and claiming me as his. A week after he claimed me, he started talking with another girl. I don't mind sharing him but he didn't wait that long before finding another girl, and it kind of upset me because him claiming me was still so fresh and I was hoping he would take it slow with me and his other sub before moving on, but I didn't want to say anything because I knew he was poly and he would look for others, I just didn't think it would happen that soon. Is it wrong of me for being a little hurt and jealous that he moved on that fast? Also, since I'm in college he has all day to talk to the other subs and I only get a couple hours with him at the most almost every night and thats not including all the interruptions from the other subs wanting him, so I've asked him if it would be alright to find a daddy who could be there for me when he's too busy and he said no. Shouldn't I be allowed another daddy since he has 3 subs, which he is too busy for? I just don't know what to do. I care about him but none of my little needs are met, and I crave for his attention but somedays I don't even get that. What should I do?

[princess mae]

I've been through a similar experience online, but not in real life. To be brutally honest, this guy sounds like he wants all the subs and all the littles and not put in any time and effort into caring for them. That being said, here's what I would and wouldn't do.

 

1. Do talk to the first sub. Ask her for advice and opinions.

 

2. Do talk to your Daddy without being in littlespace. Did you go over rules and things like what you could expect? Maybe he might consider allowing you to spend time with another Daddy as long as he's the boss overall?

 

3. DON'T just go off and play with another Daddy on the side, not unless you've broken with your current Daddy or unless he gives you permission. I know this from experience. You might feel entitled and hurt from this imbalanced agreement, but if you care about your current Daddy, this could damage your relationship beyond repair.

 

4. Do take care of yourself. Make sure you're in touch with your feelings and emotions. If something feels off, it probably is.

[LittlePupRune]

So I'm picking up a red flag or two from him. I'm not sure how long you two were in a relationship before he "claimed" you, but rules and limits (like you dating another daddy) would've been discussed if proper negotiations had been done. I knew my Sir for a few years, and had been dating for at least a year before he collared me. Part of that process was discussion of what the collaring meant and what the rules and limits were. 

 

The other issue is him having a poly double standard. You could investigate and see if its simply an issue with you dating another man (at which point its the ever problematic "one-penis policy"), or if its you dating another (potentially "rival") dom/daddy, or just dating in general. Regardless you need to have an adult conversation with him to clarify his rules and boundaries, express your needs, and then decide if his rules are something you are ok with. Do not compromise yourself or your needs for something that isn't enough.

[Prin. Chris]

It has been said, but it is worth repeating. My view is that this really needs to be talked out. This lifestyle does not work if you cannot be brutally honest with each other. 

 

We don't know the full story. We only know what you've told us. Based on what you said, this is what I am concerned about. The expectations on both sides do not seem clear. It sounds like you have questions about what his expectations are of you, and questions about what he expects from the relationship. I also don't like that you feel that you can't or don't want to say anything about how you feel. After a little explains themselves a Big might make a decision that they don't like, but a little should always have the right to be heard and understood.

 

We can't tell you what to decide, but if you really care for this person then you owe it to both of you to talk though this. If you are not comfortable sitting down to discuss it, you could journal what you are feeling and give that to him as a starting place. The only way that you will make the right decision for yourself is when you understand what both of you are expecting from the relationship.     

Edited March 14, 2020 by Prin. Chris

[Alaskan Daddy]

Remember that your feelings matter just as much as your daddy's.  Your daddy has shown you who he is. You need to ask your self if you feel he will ever give you the attention you desire from him. Just as you walked into the relationship knowing it was poly, there is nothing wrong with walking away knowing that this relationship is not working for you. It does not make you a bad person nor does it make your daddy a bad person. It just may mean that this relationship is not right for you.  As in any relationship, if your partner is not meeting your needs or desires then maybe this is not the right partner for you. You don't owe him anything but honesty. If you really want him as your daddy, then you owe him the truth as to how you feel and what you want from him. You will never know if things will change if you don't ask. Just reading your words and listening to your heart through your words, I would walk away because of how fast he was to bring in another little so soon after becoming your daddy. I can tell how it hurt you. I just feel your feelings will always be getting hurt if you stay with him. That is just the feeling I get from reading your words. It does not place blame on anyone, it just may mean that this is not the right relationship for you and your heart. You can not help how you feel and what you want and desire from a relationship. I hope this helps you sort things out in your heart.

[RavenclawPrincess]

Personally, I would put a pause on this relationship for renegotiation. As many others have said, it’s unclear on both sides what the expectations are here.

 

Some notes about ETHICAL poly that I think you should know and bring up with him:

 

1. Honesty and communication among the group as a whole is vital. You should be able to speak freely with everyone involved, and the reason that you hesitate to speak up for yourself needs to be addressed. Is it because you struggle with speaking up for personal reasons? Is it because you feel like your daddy won’t be accepting or listen to what you have to say? Is it because you aren’t able to communicate with his other subs? It could be something else as well, which means y’all need to sit down, figure out what the problem is, and work together to resolve the issue.

 

2. Everyone involved is supposed to be allowed to consent to the relationship arrangements. Your daddy should not be taking on more subs without consent from the subs he already has. You appear to understand this, because you asked him before taking on a new daddy. We don’t know the whole story here but it sounds like he doesn’t value discussing and letting all of his subs consent 100% before taking on a new partner, which is not ok. If that is not his mindset, then the issue here begins with your hesitancy to communicate. You have to be ok with giving or not giving consent openly, and you have to be able to negotiate accordingly as it relates to your boundaries and the wants/needs of yourself and your partner(s).

 

3. Hypocrisy is not cute. If he is free go take on multiple partners but the standard is not the same for you and his other subs, this is hypocritical UNLESS you agreed in the beginning to that being the standard. Agreement on the rules for engaging with other partners really does need to be addressed. Again, we don’t know the whole story. However, the info that we have been given makes it sounds like he can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants, his subs are being neglected, and he doesn’t care about the needs and wants of his subs. Is he just collecting subs for his own amusement while expecting all of his partners to be monogamous or what? Standards here need to be clarified and agreed upon, otherwise he’s just a cheater and his subs are doormats that put up with his nonsense (sorry to put it that way, but that’s what it sounds like with the double standards and lack of consent going on).

 

Ultimately, if these issues cannot be discussed and resolved then you are better off with removing yourself from the relationship and finding someone that is more compatible for your needs. There is nothing wrong with poly relationships as long as it is being done ethically and everyone involved agrees to the situation. Please please please get in the habit of speaking up for yourself and work on communicating your wants and needs effectively. Poly simply does not work without communication, honesty, and consent all being 100% at play, and with poly it’s even more work to maintain that because multiple people are involved. If you’re “skill level” in these areas are not up to snuff then I think it would be wise if you to engage in monogamous relationships only until you’re well practiced at upholding your end of communication, honesty, and consent like a boss.

[gkempf8]

Thanks for all of the advice everyone has given. I really appreciate it. Sadly things ended between me and him. Hopefully something good will come out of it. Thanks again!

[jaredstone363]

Keep your head up high and just remember, when we learn from our past experiences, it makes us a better person

[Guest Minister Judas]

This is a situation that certainly seems like it needs to be approached from a Big mindset. You need to make a point to open discussion between both the Daddy and his submissive. When it comes to introducing new partners, people go at different paces, but when you have partners, you have to be considerate of your partner's feelings and communicate. It's time to take a controlled, tempered action.

[Ashertransdude]

I’m new to a little space thing and I’m trying to find a caregiver, i don’t know where to start. Any advice?

[Vampiress]

I’m new to a little space thing and I’m trying to find a caregiver, i don’t know where to start. Any advice?

 

The Personals section of the forum.

[LittlePupRune]

I’m new to a little space thing and I’m trying to find a caregiver, i don’t know where to start. Any advice?

Non sequitur, read and research, then either get involved in local community and/or personals section.