Does my boyfriend seem to be daddy material?

[secretbaby320]

Hi! I’m not sure if this is the appropriate place to put this but here goes.

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months. We have seen each other for at least 3 days a week for the entirety of the relationship, so we are pretty close and are used to spending a great deal of time together. We are planning to move into an apartment together soon and we see our relationship being a lasting thing. We are both happy and mesh well together, any major problems we’ve had so far (which have been few) have been worked out smoothly and we take a lot of time to understand each other and just talk about our feelings and daily. I am a 20 year old female, he’s a 22 year old male.

 

My boyfriend is very vanilla. It is safe to say that I’m his first serious relationship, while he is my third. He considers the light choking, hair pulling, and biting the extent of his kinkiness. I feel like he’s into a little more than he’s letting on though. There’s times he’s said things and done things that make me feel that way.

 

I would consider him to be dominant between us, but not in a traditional Dom sense. He is soft in his authority. I’ve told him before when the topic of kinks came up that I felt he would be a Daddy. He said he could see it. However he always makes fun of littles / age regressors that he sees online.

 

I have been in a previous relationship where there was a DDlg dynamic. I enjoyed it but I have realized that there were aspects there that I didn’t specifically want, that wouldn’t be present with my current boyfriend. I told my boyfriend I was in a DDlg relationship before. He didn’t seem phased or bothered. I was trying to suppress my little side when I first got with my current bf because I know it’s tabboo. So I tried to hide it.

 

Slowly though I can find myself regressing with him slightly. I try to not go into little space around him because I want to talk to him about it beforehand. I’m worried what he will think or say. He has said it’s creepy and weird when he sees people doing it online, and to be honest I’ve outwardly agreed- because I was ashamed of that side of me and some of the stuff we saw wasn’t always what I was particularly interested in.

 

There is a silver lining though. Sometimes he does act like a daddy. So i’ll describe some stuff he does with me here: 1. He almost always exclusively calls me baby, or his baby, or his little baby. 2. He babytalks to me a little bit. Not extremely but a bit. There is a clear distinction between his actual voice, and when he babytalks to me. 3. He responds when I pout like I would expect a Daddy to- “do you want __ baby? What is it little baby?” 4. If I give him grabby hands he will pick me up and carry me around. He does it all the time even when I don’t ask. 5. He helps me put my shoes on/off. He’ll untie them for me or tie them. 6. He got me a stuffy. He refers to it by the name i gave it and when I say “ *name* wants a hug!” he will hug him and cuddle him then give it back to me. Before I go to sleep he texts me “do you have *name*?” If i am napping with him at my house he asks me if I want a stuffy to snuggle. 7. He lets me suck his fingers especially his thumb when I’m trying to sleep or cuddling him. Sometimes he just puts them in my mouth without asking or saying anything. 8. He constantly has me sitting on his lap or laying all over him. 9. He asks me about stuff all the time, like you would ask a child. He also likes when I ask “can I hold your hand, can i give you a kiss, etc.” in public. His face lights up and he’s like “of course baby!” 10. If I’m being bratty his go to thing is to tickle me till I can’t breathe then give me tons of snuggles. 11. When we shower together he always washes me, and so gently.

 

I guess these would be my main questions. Do you guys think that he could be a daddy and just not know? Is it worth bringing up and asking how he feels about it- i don’t want anything we have to change in a bad way but I would love to do more little stuff with him. How should I bring it up?

 

Any feedback is appreciated <3

[TheTrainer]

Most important take away here I think is that while he's been judgmental about DDLG, he's been honest, while you haven't. You need to be 100% honest with him. I know it's hard, scary, but you'll feel better, you'll feel "right".

 

If you can't, write it out, all of it and give it to him to read and make sure you convey how scared you are to do this but that you needed to before moving in because it's the truth and if the relationship is going to last, you have have have to be honest.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

i agree 100% with TheTrainer. 

you need to be open & honest with your partner.

 

talking about it will never hurt.

show him this post, if that's easier.

 

[SmolAetherr]

got to be honest at the start of 2018 when i met my first little i was the same as your boyfriend, just sort of finding the whole community cringy because to be frank from the outside looking in it is cringy imo, it really is and there are some people in the community who even in my eyes take it too the extreme or are clearly making a joke out of it and i can appreciate the humor or notice the oddball without hating on the comedians or the oddballs for loving what they do or finding humor in it

 

laughing at something doesent mean you hate it or are looking to cause offence, a joke isnt hate, a joke means laughter and laughter is a underrated cure all for bad thoughts and bad health

 

what i will say here is if he is showing tendancies you like then tell him, ask him to give you more pet names and whatever else you may be into, see where his limit is and give him the room to explore that if he wishes

 

but dont take his current view on ddlg as an outsider as a sign he hates the community, he is not alone in finding it funny considering i do too, the main thing is he still respects you and doesent judge you like all adults should

 

and that makes all the difference and too many people forget this.

Edited March 9, 2020 by Aetherr

[secretbaby320]

Most important take away here I think is that while he's been judgmental about DDLG, he's been honest, while you haven't. You need to be 100% honest with him. I know it's hard, scary, but you'll feel better, you'll feel "right".

 

If you can't, write it out, all of it and give it to him to read and make sure you convey how scared you are to do this but that you needed to before moving in because it's the truth and if the relationship is going to last, you have have have to be honest.

You’re right. I feel bad about lying to him. I thought I could suppress my little side and it would be all good but I was wrong. So I need to be honest about it. Thank you.

[secretbaby320]

got to be honest at the start of 2018 when i met my first little i was the same as your boyfriend, just sort of finding the whole community cringy because to be frank from the outside looking in it is cringy imo, it really is and there are some people in the community who even in my eyes take it too the extreme or are clearly making a joke out of it and i can appreciate the humor or notice the oddball without hating on the comedians or the oddballs for loving what they do or finding humor in it

 

laughing at something doesent mean you hate it or are looking to cause offence, a joke isnt hate, a joke means laughter and laughter is a underrated cure all for bad thoughts and bad health

 

what i will say here is if he is showing tendancies you like then tell him, ask him to give you more pet names and whatever else you may be into, see where his limit is and give him the room to explore that if he wishes

 

but dont take his current view on ddlg as an outsider as a sign he hates the community, he is not alone in finding it funny considering i do too, the main thing is he still respects you and doesent judge you like all adults should

 

and that makes all the difference and too many people forget this.

Thank you for your insight. I will definitely allow him to take it all at his own pace.

[Guest Teasing Tink]

Just based on what you said about him, I think he'd be open to the dynmaic if you presented it in a way he could understand. I think it makes some people uncomfortable cuz it's kind of taboo, but once they get passed that and realize it's harmless/innocent fun and that if you think about it, a lot of romantic relationships have a parent/child aspect to it (why is it socially acceptable to call your partner "baby" but not "Daddy/Mommy" for instance?), then they can get to the point where they realize there's nothing to be scared of or disgusted by.

 

I've also encountered people who make fun of the whole age regressing thing cuz they secretly desire to engage in the dynamic themselves but feel ashamed about it so make it into a joke instead. People often use humor with subjects that make them uncomfortable.

 

I also agree it's better to be open about your "little" side than try to hide it. Better to know now whether he can fully accept you for you, rather than later.

[daddymind]

got to be honest at the start of 2018 when i met my first little i was the same as your boyfriend, just sort of finding the whole community cringy because to be frank from the outside looking in it is cringy imo.

 

I relate to this so much. I sometimes feel like (or at least used to) when I see others engage in this dynamic I catch myself cringing. But when I just allow myself to settle into my own relationship it just feels natural and completely absent of cringe. So I would say explore this together, as a private couple, with openness and honesty towards each other, and see where it goes. The connection with other similar relationships comes from an understanding and appreciation of your own.