Anyone else bad at making friends?

[Guest Dinkielilangel]

Hi all,

 

I was just wondering if anyone else feels the same as me?

 

I want so badly to make friends with people, especially in this community as I don't have anyone IRL.

 

But why do I find it so hard to talk to people or even try?

 

you'd think at the age of 22 i would be better at it but I'm not.

 

I was wondering what you do to get over it?

 

Sorry if this is a stupid post, I guess I'm just feeling very vulnerable right now...

 

Have a good evening, Dinkie xx

[Alaskan Daddy]

First thing, your post is not stupid. I was like you even at the age of 22. The best thing I can tell you is to reach out and not expect someone to come to you. 

When I reach out I ask lots of questions to get to know the person. People love to talk about themselves. Even by doing this you may only make a friend with only one person out every ten you reach out to. But don't get discouraged. It is hard to put yourself out there because sometimes friends just disappear without telling you and that can hurt. Just try it with one person at a time. Try to be confident with who you are and who you want to be. You can do this, take baby steps. I hope this helps. 

[Guest Dinkielilangel]

Thankyou so much!

[SmolAetherr]

i have awful social awkwardness and anxiety, i've rarely/never had a real irl friend and honestly i learned just to not care so much i have a ton of hobbies and my daughter and thats pretty much all i have going for me

[Guest frozenwolf]

*waves his hands* Yup I'm horribly award with social situation social anxiety sucks.

[RainDoeSprinkles]

I can relate. It seems I am misunderstood alot because I am so simple and innocent in my way of communication, and I think other adults expect me to be like they are. I don't speak with double meanings, and I don't play manipulative games. People often think that I am being underhanded when I am just honestly trying so hard to be friendly. It's difficult. It's a good thing I have kept my friendships from years past. These few longtime pals understand me and accept me. Other than that,I feel very much like I don't fit in anywhere.

[Lollipox]

I was bad at it too, and kinda afraid to talk to people. Plus a few of the close friends I made just up and disappeared. 

 

I still don't consider myself "good" at making friends. But you pretty much just gotta keep talking to people in order to find the people you connect with.

 

I'm especially bad at the initial conversation. And I had no idea that people didn't like being asked "How are you?" (apparently it's considered smalltalk and people think you don't actually want to know how they are... but I was genuinely asking lol) 

 

And just to reiterate- not a stupid post. People are difficult to communicate with no matter the format lol It's not always gonna be because "you're bad at making friends." Sometimes people just stink. ;D lol

[Daddybears PLB]

 

And just to reiterate- not a stupid post. People are difficult to communicate with no matter the format lol It's not always gonna be because "you're bad at making friends." Sometimes people just stink. ;D lol

Loving everything about this!! Ha!! 100% nodding my head in agreement to this ☺

 

 

In friendships I've always invested more than the other person and always feel poopy when i get disappointed and feel like they dont want to be friends or dont care about be enough to even reply to a text so over the years, i suppose as a defence against feeling this way i just dont get too close to people anymore apart from the few genuine friends i have.

I try to be more out going, my Daddy and I have a habit of just it being us against the world attitude, not in a negative way just in a more people are gonna be people kinda way.

 

Basically be you and don't doubt yourself, if you want to chat do, focus on the people that seem interesting to you. Quality over quantity is best when it comes to friends i think.

[Guest little nemo]

I just turned 25 and I have no friends, and don't socialize with people outside of work. I'm trying to find friends irl but I have trust issues and low self esteem. Also, I am just very depressed and don't know how to have fun. I am a lone wolf, I was kind of raised to be. I wish it were easier for me to change. I feel fucked up to my core.

 

sorry I cannot give good advice... but you are not alone in feeling super vulnerable and shitty.

Edited March 4, 2020 by little nemo

[Lilith-Lynn-Lupin]

Girl I am a 35 year old extroverted introvert! I am also an elementary teacher. Not only am I awkward because I slip into little space often, but I am around nothing but elementary kids 8 hours a day. Even in the chatroom here with like minded people, it is hard to chat for me. My Mommy and Daddy are amazing conversationalists in the chat. I am lucky to have people in my work and personal life to understand my crazy! LOL I keep trying and I hope you will as well. I pray that you will find some really good friends here. If you would like you can add me as a friend, I will talk with you, or just be a listening ear! I hope you have a great day!

[Sleepybabie]

Hey I am 25 years Old and i have Asperger syndrome. I dont get social cues and things so it makes communication hard. I've never been the best at making a keeping friends but in the past year i have gotten better. DW you are not the only one struggling at this and it will get better it just takes time and a lot of trying.

[LittleTeacup]

I try to be as friendly as I can be but it doesn't seem to work that well. I know lots of people like me on this site because they've told me, but often I just feel like I'm speaking into the ether. If I don't keep up pm's constantly I get forgotten about, except by one person. Maybe because I'm not using all the social media alternatives? I'm not that busy but trying to keep up on all those platforms would exhaust me.  I know sometimes I drop conversations too because I find it difficult to keep writing things so it's not all everyone else's fault. But I wish I'd get more responses on my status updates at least.

 

In the non-online world, it's hard to even meet people around my age and interested in similar things. The only places I find them are at festivals like the Renaissance Faire and what am I supposed to do? Walk up to a bunch of people having fun and start trying to talk to them??? Awkward.... And they would live far away. Also lots of people are big on alcohol and going to bars and I don't drink so there goes one of the only options I have for hanging out with new people.

 

At previous internships I'd feel like I was making friends with co-interns because we'd do stuff together. But then as soon as the internship ended, I suddenly never heard from them again. My best luck so far has been with someone at my current camp job, who's also my roommate in the temp staff housing, but we both left for winter and haven't done well keeping in communication. I had hoped she would visit me in January around my birthday, but it didn't work out and she even forgot to wish me happy birthday. Now I'm afraid she won't be excited to see me in another two weeks when we return for spring. My anxiety makes me fear she's moved on. She's very young and has her own college friends and will be starting college this fall and I'm 11 years older and in a different place in my life. She may have a car this time and won't need me to drive her places anymore which is how I got close with her in the first place (significant time alone to chat).

 

It's a good thing I have kept my friendships from years past. These few longtime pals understand me and accept me. Other than that,I feel very much like I don't fit in anywhere.

 

 The same with me. In middle and high school I was able to make a small group of friends because I saw them every day and joined school clubs with them. During college we'd still meet up during breaks and summer, and after that we'd been friends long enough to stick permanently. I love them with all my heart. But....they have busy jobs and grad school and are living farther away and getting married and it's so hard to see them anymore. I try to invite some of them to things, and I get a bunch of "I can't because..." unless we plan a big thing. I'm trying to make new additional friends but where do I find them? Local groups and clubs seem to mostly be composed of middle aged and elderly retired people.

 

 

Hey I am 25 years Old and i have Asperger syndrome. I dont get social cues and things so it makes communication hard.

 

Me tooooo. I get some social cues but not others. Maybe this is my problem. Also my interests aren't so compatible with most people. I could talk for hours about my special interest but literally no one cares so I never mention it. And the other stuff I like isn't too popular either.

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

Edited March 7, 2020 by Guest

[redheadprincess98]

I’ve never been good at making friends either, I have a few from high school and thats about it. Also, as an introvert, people exhaust me. I rarely go to parties because I always end up with a headache from the energy of the people, same with big crows or just groups. People talking also makes me space out because sometimes its too much. It doesnt happen with everyone tho, some people are very pleasant, they are just hard to find. I tried talking to people here but they either ghost, or I forget their dms or they do baby talk to me which I cant stand. I am a little and I only baby talk to my daddy, somebody else doing to me its just weird, awkward and also they are hard to understand, so I end up blocking them, I cant stand baby talk

[Tickle bundle]

Same

[zavaria196]

Hi!!

 

As a lot of people have already said, I don't think this is a stupid post at all!! I'm sure there are plenty of people who are feeling this way and I used to be one of them. I hope this doesn't come off wrong, but what I've learned is that often times people expect it to happen really fast, when in reality making a true friend can take years. Online friendships are honestly even harder in that regard because there's something important about being physically there with another person. 

 

Nonetheless, it's possible and I'm sure if you stick with it you'll end up making friends!! For me personally, I really can't stand small talk—it's just not something I find engaging or effective. Once you get to know someone, or when you're first starting a conversation it can be nice to ask "What are you up to?" and things along those lines. However, no matter how long that goes one, you won't build a stable relationship out of it.

 

So, like somebody else said, ask lots of questions!! Honestly, the more personal the better. Obviously, I don't mean personal as in "What's your address?" and other things in that realm. You can ask about what someone's goals are for the future, why they got into ddlg and what it means for them, how they deal with stress in their life/what causes them stress, etc. And the best advice I have is to ALWAYS be genuine and try to answer truthfully even if you're worried about someone knowing the answer. 

 

I know my "advice" might not be useful to you because everyone's different and has their own struggles, but these are just things that have helped me make friends! Also, I know you didn't explicitly ask for help, so I apologize if I'm overstepping. I really am not trying to seem like I'm perfect or know the answer because I too am not amazing at making friends online. 

 

Anyway, I hope you have a good day! And if you ever want someone else to talk to and potentially befriend then feel free to message me :) . 

[Guest TheyCallMeLovely]

Making friends is always hard especially when you hope to share particular things in common.

 

I find that when you have differences and you have to make more effort to find things to bond over then it becomes more difficult to make friends because of the work involved and most times the invest isn’t worth it.

 

I think the best way to make friends is to do so in something you’re highly passionate about so that’s something you can bond on with people and should start for a more natural friendship.

[OddLittle]

I can relate. I'm 22 and I am extremely shy and anxious. I've been told that I come off as very standoffish which makes it hard for people to approach me. I don't have a lot of friends irl or even online because I'm very afraid to reach out. It's hard.

 

I usually let people come to me but in the instances that I've reached out to others I've done my best to be open minded about their personalities and ask them a lot about themselves. And sometimes being able to sit quietly with another person is a good way to acclimate to their aura and vibe. Just try. Little by little, day by day   

People are usually nice when you're trying your best. 

[princessfreckles]

Your post isn't stupid!!!

 

So the older I've gotten, the more difficult it is to make friends. Once I was out of school, all the ways I was used to meeting new people and making friends was gone. Being a grownup and trying to make friends is super hard, and I don't think a lot of people are prepared for it. Right now with everything happening, it's doubly hard to make friends because you can't leave your home. Maybe check into littles kik groups that are local to your area? When the pandemic is over, maybe look into attending munches specifically for littles? In terms of vanilla friends, definitely look for online groups whether it be on Facebook or any social media based around your interests. Do you like gaming, Cosplay, crafting? There are a ton of groups for a ton of different hobbies. Again look for groups that are local to you so you have a better chance of actually meeting up with your new friends as things return to normal and you feel comfortable. 

[Guest ProfessorDaddy33]

I don’t have any advice on how to be better at socializing, but if it’s important to you I’m sure someone prior to me offered useful advice. I know it’s a challenge to be my friend and that is probably even more so being in a romantic relationship with me. With that said, I am gradually finding ways to enjoy my life with limited friends. I have several good friends who have been my friends for over two decades! I have developed one friendship in that last three years that is headed in that trajectory too. Some people have tons of friends but do limited activities with those friends. Some people have friends online, but might have went to a concert one time and met the person and became friends on a social networking site website. I have learned that I am not good at making too many friends because I expect a lot out of friendships. Maybe one idea then is to consider if you want meaningful friendships and if it suffices with limited friends, or you’d rather have lots of friends but not have a lot of actual substance to those friendships. I am not good at the latter as I explained already. But with that said I also have had relationships and friendships end, because I either interact too much or too little with people. It’s hard to determine what someone wants out of a friendship online, and even if you do make friends online people have different circumstances and contexts that might lead to misunderstanding online and it complicates making friends online for me. In short, determine what you want out of friendships and if things work out that’s great! If they don’t work out, I learned the hard way, don’t overgeneralize and don’t make it too personal if things don’t work out with someone online.

I have a lot of learning to still do and I’m learning whether someone ends a friendship with me or vice versa, it’s important to realize just because something didn’t work out doesn’t mean either side was right or wrong, it’s just something that didn’t work out. Best of luck in your journey !