Being a DD or CG with no little/sub

[Guest Looby-Lou]

During times that you're a DaddyDom or Caregiver without a little,

• do you still get to feel & act like a DD/CG? in what ways?
• do you "switch off" your DD/CG side when you don't have a little?
• do you feel the DD/CG part of you doesn't get used if there's no little in your life?

 

The question came in my mind when I was chatting to my teddies this morning. Yes, literally out loud having a conversation with them 

Because being little just is part of me and although I'd rather have a DD to share life with, it IS possible to be little on my own. 

 

And I felt a bit sad for the Daddies & CGs, wondering if you don't have ways to meet your needs on your own? Seems like it's harder your side of the slash. How can you Dom with no one to sub?! Or maybe things like helping others on this forum gives you that warm glow of Daddyness?

 

(Hope you don't mind me asking.)

Looby 

 

[Guardian_Witcher]

I've always been protective of other people. First my mom and family. Later friends. And now my loved ones. Its who I am and it never turns off.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I've always been protective of other people. First my mom and family. Later friends. And now my loved ones. Its who I am and it never turns off.

 

That's lovely.

Yes, I wondered if caring for family/friends would meet the CG need! Or perhaps some people have a job which involves caring, or leadership, or something else which fits in with their DD/CG self.

 

Looby

[SmolAetherr]

Ive always been the helpful sort but i dont relate it to being a daddy or a dom so i basically dont have an outlet for it honest truth is it suck big time but not much i can do about it Edited February 28, 2020 by Aetherr

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Ive always been the helpful sort but i dont relate it to being a daddy or a dom so i basically dont have an outlet for it honest truth is it suck big time but not much i can do about it

 

Thanks for your honest answer, and I'm sure there's other DDs who feel just like you about this.

 

I can relate to both you and Guardian_Witcher - where you just naturally have these characteristics whether you're in Daddy mode or not.

Some of my littleness is just a normal part of my day such as being playful or wearing hair accessories. Or it's just the way I behave naturally e.g. feeling fretful when i'm tired, cutting my food up small, cuddling at night with a teddy.

But in other ways there's a Daddy-shaped hole and even a much-loved teddy can't truly fill that space. 

Although (speaking only for myself) I have that "something missing" feeling even with vanilla stuff too. I'm someone who's "fine" on my own but prefers to be in a  relationship. But the DD/lg needs are deeper (for me) than regular vanilla needs.

 

Thank you both for sharing your thoughts.

Looby

[AsleepAndDreaming]

Well it's a great question Looby-Lou but it's also one that made me sad. Because I'm sitting here writing this without a little and it makes me realise how much is missing from my life. I had one recently for the best part of 3 years and virtually every single day we would text endlessly and she stayed over at least once a week. So to lose that leaves a massive hole in my life. 

 

I don't believe you can just switch off. My Daddy mode extends to other parts of my life and I find myself looking after people, especially at work, and sometimes they don't like it and I realise I've been acting like a Daddy, all protective and concerned. I know someone with anxiety at work and I'm instantly into Daddy mode if she comes to see me because she's anxious. But it's definitely a side of me that's underused because looking after a little is what I like doing more than anything else, and I think sometimes littles don't appreciate that a genuine Daddy gets his satisfaction out of looking after people. 

 

And you're not the only one who chats to stuffies... I have a lifesize penguin called Penny who gets cuddled at night when I'm feeling really lonely. But ultimately there's no real difference between being a Daddy without a little, and being single in the outside world. You're looking for friendship and love, and to be the one person that your partner relies on. To not have that hurts more than I can even start to describe.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Well it's a great question Looby-Lou but it's also one that made me sad. Because I'm sitting here writing this without a little and it makes me realise how much is missing from my life. I had one recently for the best part of 3 years and virtually every single day we would text endlessly and she stayed over at least once a week. So to lose that leaves a massive hole in my life. 

 

I don't believe you can just switch off. My Daddy mode extends to other parts of my life and I find myself looking after people, especially at work, and sometimes they don't like it and I realise I've been acting like a Daddy, all protective and concerned. 

 

And you're not the only one who chats to stuffies... I have a lifesize penguin called Penny who gets cuddled at night when I'm feeling really lonely. But ultimately there's no real difference between being a Daddy without a little, and being single in the outside world. You're looking for friendship and love, and to be the one person that your partner relies on. To not have that hurts more than I can even start to describe.

 

It's interesting what you said about helping people e.g. at work "and they don't like it". I've seen a  discussion about this on another forum - CGs trying to "save" people, or stepping in to help when the other person might not need or want it. 

 

I think it can be very tricky for someone who's naturally extremely caring, because the caring antennae twitch at the slightest hint of distress! Especially if your caring skills aren't being fully used in a personal or family relationship perhaps.

But sometimes people need to sort things out for themselves, or maybe just to know that you're there if they do need you. (Not you personally, I mean anyone in that situation.)

 

I hope Penny will help your heart heal 

Looby 

[Guest Daddypetplay]

What a thought-provoking question!

I'm new here but at least hope to enter discussions when I can. Although I have been a DD a couple of times and love it, I relate more to being a kitten owner. Both roles are very similar to me - both require affection and playfulness, both require love and attention, and both can be mischevious.

My wife who is not into the lifestyle supports my need for such and due to this I only have online submissives whatever the capacity may be.

Currently I am without a submissive of any kind as her partner decided he didn't like the situation. She discussed it with me and I released her. It was amicable and we are good friends right now.

I too feel that part of me is missing without this area of my life being filled and I find it difficult to switch off. Unfortunately I have to as my relationship and job dictates.

It's difficult.

Thanks for the question

xXx

[Metalheaddaddy]

I totally turn that side of me off. Caring for some one like that is an intimate and personal thing for me. Sharing it with whoever would cheapen it.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

What a thought-provoking question!

I'm new here but at least hope to enter discussions when I can. 

.....

I too feel that part of me is missing without this area of my life being filled and I find it difficult to switch off. Unfortunately I have to as my relationship and job dictates.

It's difficult.

 

Everyone is welcome to join in discussions! That's what it's all about.

 

I do think a lack of DDlg in our lives can be very different to a lack of something vanilla. As you say, it can feel like something is "missing".  Any "hole" in our life will hurt, but generally there's more opportunities to find the vanilla side of things. (Not just r'ship stuff.)

 

Thanks for joining in.

Looby  

[Guest Minister Judas]

For me, there is no off switch. Being a Daddy kind of makes me who I am and affects all forms of interactions with people I meet, and I wouldn't change that for anything. Taking care of people in a platonic fashion fills me up enough when I am without a little, and caring for my little friends is very important to me, too.

 

 

That being said, not having a little of my own does have an effect and takes it's toll on me. It can be rather draining, and can even lead to making attachments to caring for those who are bad for me out of desperation. Just have to take a step back and look at what's happening and be ready to break that attachment.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

For me, there is no off switch. Being a Daddy kind of makes me who I am and affects all forms of interactions with people I meet, and I wouldn't change that for anything. Taking care of people in a platonic fashion fills me up enough when I am without a little, and caring for my little friends is very important to me, too.

 

 

That being said, not having a little of my own does have an effect and takes it's toll on me. It can be rather draining, and can even lead to making attachments to caring for those who are bad for me out of desperation. Just have to take a step back and look at what's happening and be ready to break that attachment.

 

I relate very much to what you said - but i do it as a little/sub!

 

It's taken time, and some hurtful experiences, but I've learnt to be more careful about who i give my time & affection to. And like you said, to make sure it's appropriate and not just out of unfulfilled needs.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

Looby

[Guest crayondaddy]

You're right on about being on the CG side with no little! At the end of the day, even littles with CGs have a whole little-space world to get lost in: toys, cartoons, songs and games.
But a CG's world (at least when in daddy/mommy-space) is their little's world. When there's no little there... well, it's like having a baby that doesn't exist. I still have daddy-space feelings, but it just manifests as aimlessly floating pride, joy, and concern that has nowhere to land! It's a bittersweet feeling for sure.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

... I still have daddy-space feelings, but it just manifests as aimlessly floating pride, joy, and concern that has nowhere to land! It's a bittersweet feeling for sure.

 

Wow! The way you've expressed yourself really hit home with me. Being little is intrinsically part of me, so even without a Daddy i will find myself skipping in excitement when i see a fluffy doggy in the park, or standing awestruck at a window display of teddies. The expression you used "aimlessly floating" ... that is exactly it. All these happy feelings of magical wonderment in my little heart, but no one to express them to. Thank you for giving me the words to describe it in future!

 

I do feel sad for CGs, because it does seem to me there's more opportunity for me to be little even without a Daddy, and that CGs don't have that outlet be they a mummy, daddy, caregiver, Dom whatever.

 

But it's not all easy for the littles either! As you say, it's a bittersweet feeling for sure. Even when it's happy feelings. And it's damn tough when the little feelings are of fear, anxiety or difficulty making a decision - and there's not a DD to ask for advice & help. 

 

I think a lot of this stuff also goes for vanilla people who would like to be in a r'ship but haven't found someone yet, but the added poignancy for us is we can't discuss it openly in general society.

 

Looby

edited for typo

Edited March 5, 2020 by Looby-Lou

[Guest mkz90]

I think a lot of this stuff also goes for vanilla people who would like to be in a r'ship but haven't found someone yet, but the added poignancy for us is we can't discuss it openly in general society.

Honestly this right here. I first delved into DDLG when I was 18, and got to have 2 great years exploring the Dominant Daddy side of myself that was always innately there. The past two years have been me trying to date in a purely vanilla sense, but I always felt like I was missing something.  That desire to be looked up to and relied on within a relationship and within a DDLG one specifically...its just not the same in a vanilla relationship. It`s tough because, like you said, we can`t discuss this openly in general society!