How do you know you're ready?

[Guest PrincessRosett]

I'm a little with a big heart; I tend to give too much of myself to people and usually end up crushed, it's been a year and a half that I've been a loner as it was hard to let anyone in. Now I'm stuck with the pleasure of solitude and maybe it isn't healthy. I'm lost in the cycle of closing up immediately when someone tries to get close.

 

My question is, how will I know I'm ready to put myself out there when even the thought of jumping makes me close up immediately. Will I have to push myself off the ledge to take the leap of faith or should I wait my whole life to will myself out of solitude?

[SongofSparrow]

As another little with a big heart, I completely understand where you are coming from. We live in a world where kindness tends to be abused and people with big hearts are taken advantage of.

 

I would argue it is impossible to ever really know without a shadow of a doubt when to put yourself out there and open up to someone. We have control over our own actions, but we can never control the actions of others. With that being said, I think the best anyone can do is decide is the risk of falling worth it. Does the potential outweigh the risk? If the answer is yes, then take the leap of faith. Yes, sometimes we jump with the expectation that someone else will catch us, but it's okay to fall sometimes too. Because you can always pick yourself back up and learn from your experiences. As cliche as it may be, I do believe that it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

[Guest PrincessRosett]

@Mistress of Song

 

Thank you for the advice; you are absolutely right that it is okay to fall, I hardly ever thought of it in that way, I guess hitting the surface was all I thought of as the outcome of falling. I love the part where you say it is better to have Loved and Lost than to have never Loved at all; I wish it was an easy statement to engrave in my heart; Next time on the ledge before the fall, I'll consider all you have said and ask myself if falling is worth the risk;

[Alaskan Daddy]

my advice to you is to take baby steps. What ever trust or love you give out make it be earned, not with words, because words are cheap. Make it be earned by their actions. Remember your feelings matter and they should matter with every person you interact with. I would not look at it as a leap of faith, but as a slow process to tear down the wall you have built around your heart. Know what you want in a friend, lover or daddy before you go looking. There can be so many wolves out there looking to devour a little for his or hers own pleasure. If something does not seem right to your heart you have the right to walk away. As long as you are honest you can hold your head up high.The last thing I will say is think of how much heart ache you can handle, then you will know how risk you are willing to take. I hope this helps

[Guest PrincessRosett]

@Alaskan Daddy Thank you; you're right that every love or trust I give out should be earned; so that it is never taken for granted. And from what you said I figured that everyone has their own healing pace maybe mine slower than everyone else's; but it's okay because I'll get there too. Maybe it isn't the leap of faith after all , but a process to tear down my walls. Now the question is will it take someone else's strength to do that or my own, because I fear that some part of me is not willing to do so.

 

Thank you

Edited February 22, 2020 by PrincessRosett

[Alaskan Daddy]

my guess is that it will take the combination you and of someone special to help tear down the wall around your heart. Someone who will take the time to show you patience, love, care and understanding to get to know the person in your heart and treasure you. You may only tear down the wall for that person because he or she has earned your trust to do that. But you may have to take the first step by reaching out. 

[RavenclawPrincess]

In terms of putting yourself out there, I'd recommend doing so with the intent of making friends and not looking for anything else. With friends, you can be less vulnerable in a way, and that will help you feel safer with the situation. When the right person comes along for partnership, you can always grow together further from the starting point of being friends, which should always be where things begin. Just based on my observations, blatantly looking around specifically for a partner puts so much pressure on people, and that won't help in your case IMO. Get out there to socialize and build up a group of friends/support system, and let the right person show up when fate or the universe or whatever puts that person in your life. It'll feel right when you meet them and taking that leap of faith won't be so scary with the right person, especially when you've gone about things in a way that lessens the pressure you feel to connect with someone romantically. You have a big and sensitive heart, like many of us, and there's no shame in knowing that you need to protect yourself from harm and utilizing a strategy to do so. 

Edited February 22, 2020 by RavenclawPrincess