Anyone out there? (TW)

[EvieTheOne]

I'm not into physical pain at all. I'm not a slave, a sub, or a 24/7 little. My being in the community is because I'm on a personal journey to heal my inner child as completely as I can, and the signs pointed me in this direction: in order to heal that vital relationship with both my child self and my caregiver, I would need to reparent, re-experience childhood, but on healthier terms in order to build a secure attachment to my caregiver, to bond with them effectively so they can mirror back healthy behaviour patterns.

My question is, are there people, little, daddies who are more into this aspect of the lifestyle?

I was beaten as a child. Being beaten now would break me. I was humiliated, abandoned, treated in an arbitrary and capricious manner, so lack of structure, routine and upmost trust would retraumatize me. I'm not looking for a Daddy who relies on manhandling as a means of teaching of any sort. So... are you out there!? Please get in touch with me if this is similar to how you relate to DDLG and healing!

[Guest stjerneanni]

Hello

 

You share your experiences openly and without judgement and I appreciate that, I myself was neglected as a child, I'm very afraid of abandonment and I'm on this site to heal and I truly believe that being able to connect with my childlike self will be good for me and give me some of that lust for life again. I do have something called avoidant personality disorder or Avpd. And complex trauma. I don't feel ready to be in a relationship or to have a daddy but I would love to be my own mommy, to be my own caregiver, because strength comes from within. But it's always a good idea to talk with others who feel similar, so if you want to chat, feel free to add me. 

 

Sometimes I feel so strange and not connected, one thing that truly helps me is meditation. But putting this into words feels good too, I truly want to heal, I believe it takes time, so might as well make space to be comfy

[EvieTheOne]

Thank you for replying. Yes, that's a high level of healing when you can be your own parent, but then you'll agree that little ones are not there. That's why they're looking for and actually need a caregiver. How aware we are of what's actually serving us becoming that sovereign self, and how that's not likely to happen as long as we identify as a slave, that's an entirely different business, and that's where you're right: I'm not here to judge, not here to demean, but uplift if I can by validating everyone's experience.

So, while I can mother myself, that's not what I'm looking for.. I'm saying the male counterpart of parenting, of loving, and before anyone would get agitated about how we ought to make a distinction between the two, I'll say that we cannot. We chose a mate and build a relationship based directly by what we've seen at home, the imprints we got from the first man/woman in our lives.

Thank you for reaching out, it would be lovely to chat to you about the inner child journey, as well as anything else. ❤️❤️❤️

[EvieTheOne]

I'd like to put forward that abandonment is not my biggest concern or fear, but being trapped is.

I remember a particularly hurtful scenario when I wet my crib and my maternal grandmother canned me, and I was running from one end to the crib to another and I couldn't escape the hits. I was around one years old. I still remember, and I still feel the terror of not being able to get away from the pain. I struggled with anxiety as a consequence all my life.

[DaddyD3ktol]

I would love the opportunity to have a conversation with you about your journey and how you plan to heal. 

[Alaskan Daddy]

as a daddy, that is how I care for a little. I have a gift of empathy. I try to ask enough questions to understand the pain she is and has felt. Sometimes with my minds eye I can feel the pain she has inside her. I do it with lots of holding, hugs  and positive reinforcement. I know all the feelings she has are real and I never judge those feelings or dismiss them. I try to understand them. As a person who has had personal struggles and with the help of a caring friend I learned to master the feelings of the emotional pain I kept inside, instead of the pain being the master of me.

I separate the person who lives in the little's heart from the struggles she has. I love my little with out conditions and that helps me keep an even temperament when she comes to me. I remind her of the wonderful person who lives inside her and helps her focus on coping with her struggle. I help her release the emotional pain she is feeling in a positive way. 

The dominate stuff inside the bedroom is the easy part of DDLG. It takes a lot of patience and love and understanding to give a little the balance she needs from her daddy to grow as a person and feel loved and safe. When I see my little give me the love and appreciation for the time and effort I gave her to help her feel whole it makes my heart swell. It is my experience that most littles have the answers to their struggles inside of them and it is my job as her daddy to help find the answers and understand and use them to heal their inner child.  I hope this answers any questions you have.

[Guest ♥️ Hayden Babygirl♥️]

I just wanna say I'm so sorry you went through that, I also dislike pain.

[beaniebat]

hi! 

 

Firstly, I really want to applaud you for being so open about your trauma and childhood. You're so brave!

I have my own share of mental trauma that I went through and still deal with, so I can relate in the sense that I am not into pain either. 

It scares me and causes me severe anxiety, and I also have a very low pain tolerance. Know that you aren't alone in wanting/needing what you do! 

[EvieTheOne]

Thank you so much for reaching out...I wish I searched for my tribe years ago!

And thank you for validating my needs, in a world where we compare and compete to be the "best" sub or dom or whatever labels we feel describes our situation.

It's customary to say "love yourself" and validate yourself, but we tend to forget that love and validation don't happen in a vacuum. Both are relational processes, meaning they happen in relation to and with other people as well as ourselves, so it's a constant back and forth mirroring, in effect.xx

Edited February 17, 2020 by EvieTheOne

[SongofSparrow]

I feel like I'm very complicated. When I am in my little space, I absolutely would not want any negative physical or mental altercation. I understand having consequences to breaking rules, but I believe the punishments should be in line with the negative behaviors. For example, refusing to put stuffies away when I am supposed to results in getting the stuffie taken away. Punishments should not be random with no connection or correlation to the behaviors exhibited. Building off the previous example here to clarify, I would not want to be spanked for not putting stuffies away. I understand some people would have no problem with this consequence for that action, but I personally would not like it and it would be very traumatizing for me.

 

On the other hand, I do not mind being spanked and-for lack of a better word- used when I am a Sub. But in that frame of mind, it is very thrilling to me. I like knowing that my complete submission to someone else is bringing them pleasure. I also know my limits and make sure my partner is aware of them and respect my limits.

[EvieTheOne]

I understand. When we are age regressing it's not a show, not an act that we put on, but we're literally back to being a given age, and it's actually important for our daddies/partners to be versed in childhood development and know what a five years old, for example, is capable to understand and do, and thus to exercise age appropriate disciplining, although I don't like the word at all. Needs a bit of reframing, if you ask me. For me, that goes with any age range I'm regressing back to, that's not my adult age. So, for example, as a bratty teenager I still need a realistic model of behaviour, so no spankies there. Now, what the adult enjoys is directly related to healing these various stages of developmental milestones..but we won't get into that.. we're all on a journey here, we all have an agenda and an agency to implement it, at the end of the day. Thank you for your feedback on this! xx

[LittleTeacup]

Hi I don't really like pain either, although I guess a little is ok. I never had any trauma like you experienced though (and I'm so proud of you for addressing it and working on healing). But I have ASD and sometimes struggle with adult things like making decisions quickly and handling responsibilities and sometimes even hygiene. Too much going on at once can overstimulate me, especially noise. I'm sensitive to being made fun of or mocked like I was as a child by schoolmates and occasionally even later like in college when I got laughed at for talking to a tree.

 

I'm interested in having a gentle caregiver one day (not ready now) who helps take care of me and doesn't fault me for my difficulties. I don't wanna be spanked for doing something wrong - I'd just want to be sat down and explained to why it was wrong. I'm not very bratty and wouldn't be naughty on purpose. I wanna be good and make my caregiver happy. A warning a time out is coming would be enough to settle me down if I'm out of control. I need gentleness, consistency, patience, and clear communication from my future caregiver.

 

It's cool that others like discipline in their DDLG and I understand how they might get a thrill out of it, but it's not for me. I just need safety and encouragement that I can do better.

[EvieTheOne]

Hugs Little Teacup ❤ I can relate to most of your points so well that now I wonder if you're my split off self called Mandy who's writing these sort of things, just to spook me! No, just kidding.

Seriously though, that's exactly my sentiment around ddlg as well. With some additional spice, as you mentioned as well, because, well, because I iz a tiny bit kinky (only a tiiny bit haha) and curious and adventurous as long as it's fun for both parties! I'm dropping labels heavily though because we, in our infinite wisdom, tend to box ourselves and each other in to such a degree that it feels like a cage...and I don't do cages..or maybe I do!

Anyway, just to lift the mood, protocol is a tedious business and too much renders me totally unhappy... I'm an artist, I love my freedom, I love my free will..I just need someone I can look up to, and respect because they're wise, because they know lots of things I don't and they're happy to teach me, and they've attained a sense of deep compassion for the human condition..theirs, mine, and everyone else's... thus their guidance is not swinging into the extremes... they're balanced, measured, thus both firm and soft at the same time....I might end up with ten dogs instead, I know, but I haven't lost hope. I just know that I can't have less than this in my personal space, my bed, my heart, my soul, if you like, because it feels like a violation.

Quality over quantity at all times, so consuming feelings and energy on tap, like is offered to us right now, especially online, would make me sick..I would need to go to my woods for a while and decompress. )

[TheTrainer]

So, I had a childhood with abandonment but not in the typical sense. My parents were always preoccupied with other things and I rarely spoke up so as a result from about 5 on, I just watched other people and tried to express myself when things got bad, but was typically ignored unless I got violent. So in a way it taught me that violence gets you attention, explosive anger and being unpredictable, etc. I hated it, but it became who I was for a time until I was in my early 20's and met an older woman who had a ton of patience and in talking she understood I didn't mean to be the way I was, and my parents and siblings weren't intentionally doing anything to me, it was just circumstance. They could have given me more attention, I could have spoken up sooner or found ways to communicate, but because they didn't talk to me, I wasn't talking to them. In my 40's now and with kids and a wife and I totally understand what you're looking for. You need to communicate, and be both listened and talked with/to. It may take years, in fact, it should take years and it'll be filled with revelations and good tears and hopefully someone to keep you moving forward through it.

 

You're not alone. You've got this.

[EvieTheOne]

I see you, Trainer, and you certainly see me...thank you for your feedback. x

[LittleTeacup]

Hugs Little Teacup ❤ I can relate to most of your points so well that now I wonder if you're my split off self called Mandy who's writing these sort of things, just to spook me! No, just kidding.

Seriously though, that's exactly my sentiment around ddlg as well. With some additional spice, as you mentioned as well, because, well, because I iz a tiny bit kinky (only a tiiny bit haha) and curious and adventurous as long as it's fun for both parties! I'm dropping labels heavily though because we, in our infinite wisdom, tend to box ourselves and each other in to such a degree that it feels like a cage...and I don't do cages..or maybe I do!

Anyway, just to lift the mood, protocol is a tedious business and too much renders me totally unhappy... I'm an artist, I love my freedom, I love my free will..I just need someone I can look up to, and respect because they're wise, because they know lots of things I don't and they're happy to teach me, and they've attained a sense of deep compassion for the human condition..theirs, mine, and everyone else's... thus their guidance is not swinging into the extremes... they're balanced, measured, thus both firm and soft at the same time....I might end up with ten dogs instead, I know, but I haven't lost hope. I just know that I can't have less than this in my personal space, my bed, my heart, my soul, if you like, because it feels like a violation.

Quality over quantity at all times, so consuming feelings and energy on tap, like is offered to us right now, especially online, would make me sick..I would need to go to my woods for a while and decompress. )

 

Haha, nope, name's not Mandy For all I know, you're the one who's me!

 

Have you seen some of my other posts around the site where I call myself "vanilla with sprinkles"? I feel weird using the term kinky to describe myself, so that's what I like to use instead. I think I'd like mild kink stuff like being hand-fed and called a good girl. Or being provided simple directions and praised for completing them. Having no actual experience with sexy things, it's hard to determine what exactly I'd want given a compatible partner. What I do know I want is lots of snuggles

 

I don't use too many labels either. I may be capable of getting crushes on both women and men, but I don't identify as any particular orientation. Even the demi- thing is just like what the signs point to rather than an identification per se. I want to be independently me. I'm a little on this site, but elsewhere I'm just a childlike individual.

 

Yeah, someone has to open my heart before they're allowed access to my body. The only way I could relax enough is if I feel 100% safe and secure in their arms. No judgement. If I feel even a little bit of fear, I'm out. My parents fight fairly often (although less than they used to) and bicker all the time... I could never have a relationship like that, where me and my partner yell and insult each other regularly. I used to be told that was how all intimate relationships went, and that might be why I've always been shy to have one of my own even though I know better now.

[EvieTheOne]

Was it Freud that proposed that we are all bisexuals because the infant doesn't distinguish between the sexes - as infants we feel sexual pleasure when mum or dad is wiping, cleaning our body? Something on those lines!? Although these bisexual tendencies move on a spectrum, I think? Do feel free to correct me if I'm talking nonsense!

The same over here! I just am.

Some years back I could've not imagined writing what is, in effect, an adult role playing outing invitation - I would've thought I've lost my mind! But no...just finding my way back to myself.. that's all, and it feels amazing!! And I know it gets even better as I discover my true wants and needs and undress those forced on me by my upbringing and society.

It's all good. xx

[AsleepAndDreaming]

My question is, are there people, little, daddies who are more into this aspect of the lifestyle?

 

To answer your original question, there are definitely Daddies who appreciate, understand and love the gentle, nurturing side of the lifestyle, and there are those who are almost totally vanilla in bed, possibly with a hint of kink that they're never quite brave enough to use. The Daddy is quite often considerably older, almost sometimes acting as a substitute father, particularly on occasions when his little has lost contact with their father in childhood. (The number of littles I have spoken to over the years who have had some sort of trauma in childhood must be way above the average.)

 

To give you an example, my last little was 20 (I was 45). Her father died when she was 9, she had an older brother who had moved away, she was working part time in a temporary role (despite having a passion and obsession which could earn her a lot of money) and she was abused as a child by someone who had groomed her online. Over the best part of 3 years she grew up, learnt to drive, found herself an amazing job, built herself a friendship group and became more independent. The relationship ended because she didn't need me any more, it was like her transition to adulthood was complete. She could cope without me. My heart broke.

 

And yet I'd do it all again. Because the companionship, dependability, sexual and physical dynamic and development aspect of our relationship enthralled me and I loved every minute. I loved making her happy and looking after her and I loved the fact that I always worried about her. And even though it eventually broke my heart, in the future I'll be able to look back on a load of memories, even if to look at photos now makes me cry.

 

The point of telling you this is to let you know that there are Caregivers out there who do exactly what it says on the tin, they give you care and understanding and cuddling and they look after you when you want to be little. But more than anything else they give you time. Time to be yourself and time to understand and discover. And when they take you to bed, they will be solely focused on pleasing you, in satisfying you. Because that is their satisfaction, they get their own kicks out of looking after you. If you want kinks, they'll give you kinks, but if you want solely vanilla, they'll be happy with that too. And so it stands to reason that out there is a Daddy who would understand your need to re-experience your childhood. 

 

The trick is to find that person, because there are so many variations of this dynamic out there. There is no set way to be. But that's the trick of life - to find that one person that will be the other half of you. 

[EvieTheOne]

To answer your original question, there are definitely Daddies who appreciate, understand and love the gentle, nurturing side of the lifestyle, and there are those who are almost totally vanilla in bed, possibly with a hint of kink that they're never quite brave enough to use. The Daddy is quite often considerably older, almost sometimes acting as a substitute father, particularly on occasions when his little has lost contact with their father in childhood. (The number of littles I have spoken to over the years who have had some sort of trauma in childhood must be way above the average.)

 

To give you an example, my last little was 20 (I was 45). Her father died when she was 9, she had an older brother who had moved away, she was working part time in a temporary role (despite having a passion and obsession which could earn her a lot of money) and she was abused as a child by someone who had groomed her online. Over the best part of 3 years she grew up, learnt to drive, found herself an amazing job, built herself a friendship group and became more independent. The relationship ended because she didn't need me any more, it was like her transition to adulthood was complete. She could cope without me. My heart broke.

 

And yet I'd do it all again. Because the companionship, dependability, sexual and physical dynamic and development aspect of our relationship enthralled me and I loved every minute. I loved making her happy and looking after her and I loved the fact that I always worried about her. And even though it eventually broke my heart, in the future I'll be able to look back on a load of memories, even if to look at photos now makes me cry.

 

The point of telling you this is to let you know that there are Caregivers out there who do exactly what it says on the tin, they give you care and understanding and cuddling and they look after you when you want to be little. But more than anything else they give you time. Time to be yourself and time to understand and discover. And when they take you to bed, they will be solely focused on pleasing you, in satisfying you. Because that is their satisfaction, they get their own kicks out of looking after you. If you want kinks, they'll give you kinks, but if you want solely vanilla, they'll be happy with that too. And so it stands to reason that out there is a Daddy who would understand your need to re-experience your childhood. 

 

The trick is to find that person, because there are so many variations of this dynamic out there. There is no set way to be. But that's the trick of life - to find that one person that will be the other half of you.

 

Where do I even begin ❤️❤️❤️ your comment feels like coming home, to me And you know what's really uncanny..that I thought about this almost necessary heartbreak for when he/she leaves you because let's face it.. that's what kids do..they leave the nest.. they've searched for themselves and then they're ready...and most unnerving thing is that four years ago I've had almost the same discussion with a man who's been left by his 24 years old young lover, who would go back to him for moral support, but had a guy her age with whom she cheated on our man..and he asked me, why does she do it!? Why the back and forth, the cheating, the crying, why did she leave him in essence, is it for the sex, he asked, and I told him not...why then!? Because she's searching for herself, that's why...❤️ Thank you, you don't realize how well received are your words over here I don't mind biological age at all...but I want to know whether he knows who he is, his beast and all, and if he manages who he is as well...I didn't know who I was, I would have been like that girl...and would've broken some man's heart. Xx.

On a cheeky note: I'm forty in a couple of weeks.. I might end up with a young buck doing a number on me... because he's not here nor there, but in between.

[Bubbles_and_Feathers]

Yes, I'm the same way. I experienced abuse throughout my childhood and in order to fully heal as an adult I just really need that time back, to live it out again and be safe and able to have fun.

[EvieTheOne]

I find it a fairly common feature  amongst parentified children that they try to claw that childhood that's been taken from them, clue Michael Jackson, but we're all wanting and needing the same. I see nothing inherently wrong with it, quite the contrary, albeit a good therapist and/or partner is absolutely needed...I think we can do limited and ineffective self parenting, if not mirrored by an outside source as well.