lookinf to learn more to become better.

[Drk101]

Hello all. thank you for coming to my post,

 

I am trying to learn more about being a better daddy/dom/person, and i was asked last night by my very good friend what is it that i want, do i really want a little, or maybe a middle or a "little big" i didn't really know that there was so many more lvl's to just being a little.  and how does one as a daddy really know what he is looking for, because I had a little before live with me and i loved doing everything she did, coloring painting, cuddle time, bath time, (her little was none sexual so no sexy time well little) but her out of little space was more like a horny teenager going to the movies, arcade, comic stores, and i loved doing that also, and i would still treat her the same as if she was a little, so is it more on the person what they are like or like in which ever head space they are on......grrrr i am over thinking it now, so any advice would be great.

 

hope you all have a great weekend.

 

 

-Drk101 

[EvieTheOne]

I appreciate your posting because I'm new to this head spaces and kinky sexuality and am just trying to figure it out, myself, knowing full well that getting extra specific, or overthinking it, will take away from the joy of exploring. So, for me, it's a constant reminder to go easy on myself and take it one day at a time. I'm a one man kinda woman, so I will explore the various aspects with my future partner, what does help until I meet a good match though, is to come and engage with the community,build friendships, and actually meet up with people.

Honestly...the best part in finding out who we are and what we want is the exploration, the making mistakes, and making up, and amends.

In practical terms, it takes adjusting and calibrating, and aligning until you two function as a well oiled machine.

Planned playtimes, knowing what sends her into little/middle spaces, and preparing for those, helps as well.

Rules, structure, routine will balance the time spent around your and her needs as well, finally...patience..I remember it took my ex and I at least two months to align with each other's individual customs and quirks, and seven years of marriage to perfect them to an almost telepathic intuition, but then again, that sort of knowing each other and level of intimacy is sexy, is why I'm doing it.

[Guest QueenJellybean]

moderator note:

 moving topic to Caregiver Cafe. 

[Guardian_Witcher]

Its a very broad question. Other postings across these forums can help. 

 

First, begin by being humble. Every soul you come across, random stranger, person on this site, or your current or future person, each of them deserves your respect and kindness. 

 

Remember that ddlg is part of bdsm, because there is a power exchange. This power exchange is a gift, given by a submissive person, to their dom. It is consent based. They need to agree to things, and you need to be open to having conversations with them about almost anything. If consent isn't given, you don't have the right to do that thing with or to them. And things can be re-negotiated.

 

A little is someone in a much younger mind set, a middle is closer to the early or middle teenage years, and a big is someone who is more like a teenager. Some people 'play' at their age, others, their mindset switches and they become that age. So you are dealing with a more vulnerable person, and the way you treat them should be much gentler and kinder, as well as trying to find out, learn, and respect how you can or can't treat someone in that different headspace.

 

Next, as a dom, for me its almost an energy that felt unlocked for me. You have to accept that inner energy in yourself, and you should accept that the energy of the sub you are with, that both are beautiful. And as long as things are consentual, legal, and you feel loved/loving between the partners, then things are generally okay. 

 

Always strive to get better. That takes communication, being open with the one you are with, and caring about their feelings. They in return should also be open. No one here is a mind reader, and we cannot be expected to know everything that's in the other persons mind. However, we should be able to know when to ask, check in with our partner, and always keep the communications open. 

 

You and your partner in the best relationships will have harmony that's not forced, and will feel both love joy and connection. As well, each person here comes with their own history, and their own sides to themselves, some with trauma, some with rejection, some with their uniqueness of personality. Be respectful, be kind, and remember to tread gently when interacting with someone else's soul. I like ddlg and bdsm because barriers get lowered, and people are deeply honest about every aspect of themselves with someone they trust. For your journey, strive to build that kind of trust with your submissive, and remember, it is a gift given, not a right taken. 

 

Having a contract, where things are clearly written out can be helpful. You can find some online, but it basically lays out in clear language what is expected of you, and what is expected of your ddlg or other bdsm life partner. Everything is negotiated, and should be changeable at a later date. You can't impose something on the other person, not without their consent. But both partners should be able to regularly bring things up. Especially if you are feeling neglect or neglecting your partner. 

 

As well, ddlg or bdsm scenes are intense, and can put a subs headspace adrift through going into subspace, and falling out of it. When that happens you need to provide aftercare, cuddles, a blanket, checking in with how you can make them feel better (glass of water/juice), and so much more. Because you are taking a person, as per my understanding, from a mental high, and then back out from a low, and being there and giving love/attention/affection makes the experience a pleasant exit. Without it, it's traumatic and leads to neglect.

 

Your relationship will be unique, as your deeper wants and needs are unique, and your partners are. And you will need to find your own balance, soft/hard, being just in the bedroom, or throughout your relationship, or giving rules/punishments/rewards. For me, self-development is important and i've included that in my own relationships. 

 

And remember, its meant to be fun. If you make a mistake, then fix it/do better next time, be easy going, and find someone that suits you. 

 

Best wishes to you and your future person. Be well.

[ValesKittenEEvee]

 

 i think the words above all important, the only thing i would add is to make sure you take the time to truly *see* and *hear* your partner(s) for who they are on every level...both in and outside the bedroom. This comes as you grow and change together, but can truly alter any vanilla relationship or any bdsm relationship when partners feel safe enough to be *seen* and *heard* for who they are at their deepest most honest expression of themselves, and are not trying to *fit* who they *think* their partner wants them to be.

 

This is what i am working on in all my relationships currently...both personal and professional. It's no small task, but worth the effort.

 

Hope this tidbit of wisdom from a "middle" helps

 

WP-