Discipline

[Guest stjerneanni]

Hello there

 

I'm a little I'm without a caregiver, a Daddy, and that's okay by me, except, I really ponder on how Caregivers give discipline, to their partner but also to themselves. I really need to parent myself, at the same time I have this deep wish to be taken care of. I want to be little, especially with a partner, but I want to feel more put together first. 

 

Are Daddies just naturally responsible ? I know discipline is an act of empathy. Daddies to me seem really good at both discipline and empathy, I want to learn both so I think that some thoughts from Daddies and Mommies will inspire me

 

I know wonderful things and personal growth happen in a parent- child dynamic, like ddlg. I was in a abusive relationship that I got out of a year and a half ago, and it left me with a lot of possibility to grow and change. 

 

I need to trust myself before I can be close with someone. setting boundaries are a part of it, discipline plays a role here. 

 

I am not sure this is the right place to ask because it's something I could talk about in therapy. But here goes. 

 

For example I use meditation as form of discipline as I feel like it's sort of a Time out. What are your other favorite ways of practicing discipline, alone or with/ to a partner ?  

 

[Guest QueenJellybean]

this might be a helpful thread to start in: https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/27958-rewards-and-punishmentsfunishments-ideas-charts-etc/

and https://www.ddlgforum.com/topic/23277-punishments/

 

punishments, discipline, or structure is really specific to the couple or dynamic. i like my punishments to fit the crime. 

i'm actually going to ping Daddy here to share more. 

[Guest Minister Judas]

Discipline, punishment, routine and consistency are all important to creating structure, and structure is so very important. Without structure, it can be almost impossible to trust a caregiver, or have faith in them, thus severely crippling the relationship and dynamic right out the gate.

 

Would I say that I am naturally responsible? I don't honestly know for certain, but I believe that some are built more inclined for maintaining a caregiving relationship archetype than others. I will say I have always kind of just wanted to care for people to some extent, and that slipping into this sort of dynamic was one of the most natural experiences for me.

 

How do I practice discipline with my partner?

I have several alarms set throughout every day so that I can remember to do everything in my power to stick to keeping my sweet girl on her routine to the best extent I can, and I make a point to try to keep her reminded to do things when it's something new as best I can. Establishing a few rules and sticking to them can go a long way. Making a point to say "we" instead of "you" or "I" when talking about work needing to be done of progress needing to be made in creating structure and routine can have a profound effect on how my little girl and I react to how things as they arise and ease us through each trial we must go through.

 

I think I've rambled enough. Sorry if this comes off as a bit of a mess.

Edited February 9, 2020 by Judas_Christ

[Guest QueenJellybean]

Discipline, punishment, routine and consistency are all important to creating structure, and structure is so very important. Without structure, it can be almost impossible to trust a caregiver, or have faith in them, thus severely crippling the relationship and dynamic right out the gate.

 

Would I say that I am naturally responsible? I don't honestly know for certain, but I believe that some are built more inclined for maintaining a caregiving relationship archetype than others. I will say I have always kind of just wanted to care for people to some extent, and that slipping into this sort of dynamic was one of the most natural experiences for me.

 

How do I practice discipline with my partner?

I have several alarms set throughout every day so that I can remember to do everything in my power to stick to keeping my sweet girl on her routine to the best extent I can, and I make a point to try to keep her reminded to do things when it's something new as best I can. Establishing a few rules and sticking to them can go a long way. Making a point to say "we" instead of "you" or "I" when talking about work needing to be done of progress needing to be made in creating structure and routine can have a profound effect on how my little girl and I react to how things as they arise and ease us through each trial we must go through.

 

I think I've rambled enough. Sorry if this comes off as a bit of a mess.

 

 

Daddy's comment about using "we" statements instead of "you" is super helpful here. he always says stuff like "we'll get there", or "we can do better." 

something about that can be translated over to be a solo little, i think -- be gentle with yourself, even during a punishment or discipline.

you're still learning & growing.

you'll get there. don't forget to tell yourself that.

[EvieTheOne]

Meditation/assisted mindfulness practice (Daddy/Mummy in the room) has to be the sanest, safest time out practice I've ever came across. I'm totally against traditional time outs, they do nothing but signal towards the little ones that if they misbehave or make mistakes, they're excluded from the family circle/caregiver. For anyone struggling or sensitive to abandonment and abuse by neglect, this is a truly hurtful experience, one that occurs in a regressed state of mind, where I think, littles could be retraumatized.

[Guardian_Witcher]

In our relationship, its discipline over time.

 

When you mention the word discipline. 2 thoughts come to mind. To 'have/be' disciplined - internal discipline. Or to have 'punidhnent discipline',.to have corrective action taken.

 

I'm big into self development, and believe that growth is the best state of being. I too need to become more disciplined, and with my littles we talk, about the way things are, the way things will be, and how to get there.

 

It is not a 100 percent strict pass fail approach, it's meant as improvement over time. 1% better.

 

So the first thing you can do is take stock of where you are.

 

I created a fairly detailed very long life planning document that I can share on google docs. But in essence you need to buy make peace with and note where you are in life. And then also write out what you want to accomplish / have in your life.

 

And then start working that plan.

 

Things I would punish directly for is bad behavior and lies. But if people don't achieve something today, then I want them to re-assess, try more next time and that won't earn a punishment discipline.

 

Positive reinforcement and keeping your subs, lg,.etc's energy high by believing in them and keeping them focused in their goals I think gets more done than punitive actions if you want a positive behavioral change. Either way remember, discipline of any kind needs to be negotiated. The type of punishment should be agreed upon earlier in the relationship before it is used, and the punishment and violation would preferably be clearly stated or written down so our subs/littles etc know when they have crossed a line.

[Guest stjerneanni]

 

Daddy's comment about using "we" statements instead of "you" is super helpful here. he always says stuff like "we'll get there", or "we can do better." 

something about that can be translated over to be a solo little, i think -- be gentle with yourself, even during a punishment or discipline.

you're still learning & growing.

you'll get there. don't forget to tell yourself that.

 

 

Yes, using we instead you, or us instead of me, so that I can enjoy being a solo little, being gentle and having a little more empathy can feel really good to a little, especially in times when we miss or feel less, and wants to have a counterpart. Good advice, thank you both.

[Guest stjerneanni]

Discipline, punishment, routine and consistency are all important to creating structure, and structure is so very important. Without structure, it can be almost impossible to trust a caregiver, or have faith in them, thus severely crippling the relationship and dynamic right out the gate.

 

Would I say that I am naturally responsible? I don't honestly know for certain, but I believe that some are built more inclined for maintaining a caregiving relationship archetype than others. I will say I have always kind of just wanted to care for people to some extent, and that slipping into this sort of dynamic was one of the most natural experiences for me.

 

How do I practice discipline with my partner?

I have several alarms set throughout every day so that I can remember to do everything in my power to stick to keeping my sweet girl on her routine to the best extent I can, and I make a point to try to keep her reminded to do things when it's something new as best I can. Establishing a few rules and sticking to them can go a long way. Making a point to say "we" instead of "you" or "I" when talking about work needing to be done of progress needing to be made in creating structure and routine can have a profound effect on how my little girl and I react to how things as they arise and ease us through each trial we must go through.

 

I think I've rambled enough. Sorry if this comes off as a bit of a mess.

 

Thank you tho, I like the idea of having an reminder throughout the day, I might use that. Yes little is accomplished without structure, safety first. 

[Guest Daddypetplay]

Personally I punish as little as possible but reward for good behaviour.

Obviously there needs to be at least some reprimand for bad behaviour but this usually comes in the form of helping growth for example 'I'm sure you realise we are not in a place we want to be right now, so I'll think about what has happened and deal with it, while you find a way to help make it better'

This gives the little incentive to think up her own small task which could even be as simple as drawing a picture as way of apology.

Once all is forgiven, this situation is never mentioned again, but any drawing made (or similar) is always a reminder of how we conquered and turned around a bad situation