Trust issues

[neko48]

Hi, I am new here. I finaly found a pefect daddy for me. We are in relationship for six months now and hes everything I ever needed and wanted. I have OCD and I was really depressed before I met him and I had problems with my mental illness but now after six months he helped me alot. He sets rules for me and dead lines I have to reach for my OCD rituals. I feel really happy with him and I can see how much I changed but theres a problem we have troubles solving. I have trust issues bcz I had bad realationships with my exs and while I was searchinf for my partner I met alots of fake daddys and they were liers and they hurted me alot and alots of people in my life hurted me and my family so I dont trust people. Maybe one of the reasons I have trust issues is that my parents are liers and I couldnt trust them with anything so I hid everything. I dont have much of trust issues anymore but I am more scared that he will abandon me. I know he wont cheat on me or be mean to me or hurt me. I am better bcz I met him when I was really bad person and I was hard to deal with but he fell in love with me even then. This is the first time he is daddy and my first real ddlg realationship. He understands me and we are quite similar but that fear that he will leave me is the only problem in our realitonship so please if you have some advice please help and I am sorry for my bad english I didnt speak it for a very long time. Thank you in advance.

[EvieTheOne]

Hey Neko48 xx

I hear you...this used to be one of my deepest fears as well, and it took quite a few heartbreaks and meltdowns to desensitize this heart of mine, just a little, so that it hardens, and becomes selfish in a healthy way, that, and I had to redistribute love into a myriad of other stuff and people and receive it back and thus have a safety blanket, if you like, when/if my romantic relationship has broken down. In practical terms...I needed to find new ways I could receive validation, that, ultimately, were just ways I learned to self soothe: writing, gardening, swimming, cooking, dogs, favourite TV shows, short trips, favourite shows, actually going out with friends, opening towards meeting new ones, rediscovering studying, volunteering, all these are tiny measures I take to love myself, and validate myself, and be less needy and clingy (I have my moments, and that's fine as well!) and fear less about my safety if he leaves. I know I'd hurt, I know it wouldn't be pretty, but I also know I'd recover and get on with my life just fine! This is where we want to be, and we must be totally responsible about it as doms and littles because, also from experience, if you condition someone to be your sub and only ever be able to come to your command, to then abandon them, leave them, as such, out in the dark, you're the biggest asshole the earth has carried; equally, us littles need to genuinely love and cheer for ourselves enough not to let ourselves be exploited and dumped. Nowadays I care about myself so completely that no one's wellbeing and safety comes before mine. It has to be this way, because I am willingly vulnerable with another, and I could get seriously injured, emotionally and psychologically, I mean, in my case, so self love and taking responsibility for my own life have significantly reduced my fear of abandonment. I would say that most days I'm fine, and I don't fuss about the rest! We're all works in progress as well as wholesome human beings here, anyway. xx

[Alaskan Daddy]

The trust and abandonment issues you are struggling with is very common with what you have gone through. I have had littles that have had similar struggles. As a daddy for them I understood those struggles and allowed them to express those feelings without it being a hinderance to our relationship. I always gave them reassurance. Reading your posting I can see that your daddy loves you for who you are inside your heart. It appears he has separated the person you are with the struggles you have and has helped you overcome some of your struggles. I know the abandonment struggles you have are real feelings inside of you. The best advice I can give you is to talk to your daddy and help understand him understand what you are feeling and ask him not to be upset with this struggle but ask him to just give you reassurance without judgement. I believe the way you have described how loving he is to you that the both of you will find a way to work through this struggle of yours. I also believe the more reassurance you get from him, will allow you to take control of your struggle instead of it controlling you. I would also ask you to look at who your inside your heart and how far you have come to become the person you are right now. Use that as a positive way to know you have the strength to overcome this with the help of your daddy. I hope this helps you in some way and good luck with your life.