I need to vent or tell someone

[MissClown]

Hey y’all! I’m obvi new here. I need to tell someone this and I know that y’all have a good idea what I’m feeling.

 

So I came out to my wife as trans 3 years ago. She surprised me by staying. I’m getting to the point where I feel like I’m changing every day and I’m not just meaning physically. I’m becoming someone beyond even what I thought was possible. Which is both amazing and scary at times. So fast forward to now...I’m realizing that I’m a little(teen/preteen). This has been going on for a couple of weeks. And I just told my wife a couple of days ago. She’s not familiar at all with bdsm let alone ddlg. I’m stuck. I don’t want to lose this amazing person in my life. She’s the only thing resembling family that I have. Yet I’m dying inside. I feel unwanted and not good enough. I can’t be me. I’m cycling in and out of little space and it’s hard to live life that way. Especially when I don’t have a daddy. I feel completely lost and abandoned when I’m in little space. Honestly not unlike my own parents but tmi.

 

How do I deal with this little space with no one around me that gets it let alone appreciates it?

[Lollipox]

Some people feel confronted when it comes to BDSM, and DD/lg even more so. If you're planning to reveal your whole Little self to her then ease her into it. It's about mutual respect and not just what you (the BDSM/DDLG party) wants. We have to respect what the other person thinks, feels or wants just as much as we'd like to receive. 

 

I'm not speaking just to you, I mean our Community in general. 

It's okay for people not to be into BDSM, DDLG, Agre and so on.

There are things we all like or dislike. 

When it comes to your partners, be respectful and understand that- yeah, it IS weird.

And they deserve time to adapt and understand what it is you're wanting.

 

Think about something lifestyle related that makes you cringe, but imagine your partner's revealing to you that they like it and want to introduce it to your relationship. 

And then consider how you would want them to approach you about it. Bombard you with information, or reveal the easier-to-stomach parts about the lifestyle first and gradually introduce it?

 

If you decide you're unhappy with her because she doesn't want a MD/lg relationship, then try to accept that rather than blame her or complain about how you're unhappy with your life. Because from there it's your decision whether you wish to stay with her because you love her and don't want to end this longterm relationship, or if you choose to stay and find ways to have your Little Space in a way that makes you happy but doesn't affect her or your relationship. 

 

But if you desperately want a Daddy and want to follow that path, then idk dude. But you can't string her along, and also complain that she's holding you back from living your life.

 

I know it's hard, and I know i'm not the one who's gonna have to deal with any of the fallout from your decisions. But I do wish you and your wife the best outcome, and hope that any of the advice I provided helps give some perspective. 

[princess mae]

There's a big difference between not familiar with it and totally against it. Give her time to adjust, as I'm sure you already are. In a couple of days, try talking to her about it again. In the meantime, take this opportunity to learn more about your little self. The more informed you are about this new aspect of yourself, perhaps the less unsure your wife will be?

[EvieTheOne]

I have been there - being lied to, kept hanging on, strung along even, and what I found really soul crushing, not respected, or trusted enough to be sat down and told straight forward. Because I cannot stand gradual and ease into it,when it's this big of a thing. I usually want the truth as it is and then I'll probably go away, like literally, and brood on it until I understood the whole situation. Giving it to me gradually feels like slow death, because I'm highly intuitive and I sense the lies, I sense that something's off. So, although I don't think there's a set approach, and ultimately,you know what works for you guys,I would definitely tell her asap. It's part of growth, your journey if you like to sometimes change direction, and sometimes that means she won't follow you there...I know this to be truthful if down the line my partner would come out as trans, little, bi...I would still very much love them, love doesn't just turn off, but our romantic relationship would be over. Take care and rooting for you and your wife so that this transition period is lighter on you and your relationship! x

[Little kaiya]

There is no one answer that is going to work for everyone or every couple. You said your wife doesn't have a BDSM or DDlg background so it will certainly take some time for her to wrap her head around.

 

I came out as genderfluid to years ago to my Wife and a few months later told her about an amazing young man who wanted to date me.

 

Fast forward two years, my Wife, Daddy and I are in a living in a loving, committed, polyamorous relationship. My Daddy has collared me and we are engaged to be married. He and my Wife take me shopping for little stuff and he diapers me before bed and reads me stories before bed.

 

You never know how things will turn out but it takes time and a lit of communication on both sides.