Not getting enough attention! What do I do?

[Train]

Gotta be in big girl space for this one... but Imma scared...

 

I met a Daddy 4 months back. Things were great! Intimacy: check. Attraction: check. Sexual chemistry: check. Communication: check.

 

But for the past month it’s been really hard to get in contact with him! We might swap one or two messages a day, and now we’ve gone weeks without seeing each other. He says he’s dealing with problems, his phone’s messing up, etc etc etc. There’s always an excuse. And they very possibly could be real! He’s never lied to me before, that I know of.

 

I try to be understanding, but I’m getting frustrated. I want his attention! And to talk to him, learn what’s going on in his head, go have experiences with him, just BE with him! What can I do? Or is he maybe just not the right Daddy for me?

[Guest Lavendar Bunni Wubbins]

Tell him how you are feeling, and that are concerned & frustrated, but also need more attention. If he keeps making excuses I'd cut things off, especially if you have that gut feeling that something is wrong. And while I generally like to give people the benefit of the doubt, if it's been weeks with hardly messages I would take that as he isn't that into it and just doesn't care to message/fix his phone/whatever. It's not that hard to come up with other options to communicate, especially after a few weeks. And a phone not working properly honestly sounds like a lame excuse. What part of his phone isn't working properly? Is it his only way to contact you (like does he not have a computer, or access to one, or a tablet/ipad that he can use to even email you, skype, etc?).

 

I think you have every right to be frustrated, I would be too. Typically if people can't bother to give me the time of the day I can't be bothered with them either. Especially if they can't be an adult & communicate what the real issue (ex: if they just aren't into it anymore, or if they are swamped with work and just don't have social energy for much more, etc), I feel that's on them and not you and that you might have better luck with someone else.

[SmolAetherr]

had this issue with a little last year, someone who never seemed to be able to give me any mental or emotional energy and despite me calling her out on it MANY many times it made absolutely no difference, here is soemthing to remember

 

if they want to spend time with you then they will make time for you.

[MysticSand]

^ What the above posters said.

 

I think the most important thing is to set expectations, both for him and yourself (especially if he doesn't follow through.

Make plans to call at specific days/times and explain why it's important for you (and should be to him too).

Give yourself a limit as to how many times he's allowed to miss before he's officially O-U-T of your good graces (and hopefully your life, too).

Stick to that limit and don't let his rationalizing make it okay that he skipped out on x amount of times - because it's not and you need to look out for you first.

 

Love yourself, and good luck!

[Guest Looby-Lou]

From what you've said, it does sound to me that he's not putting enough effort in anymore. A bit like ghosting when people just disappear, there's a thing called "fading" when they, hmm ... fade away slowly. Whether he's lost interest or genuinely has some problems in the rest of his life? That's a bit irrelevant.

 

 

 

if they want to spend time with you then they will make time for you.

This is very true. It's a funny thing in life ... no matter what else is going on, we all manage to do whatever is most important to us. 

 

And IMO ... when a guy wants to be in touch, he'll find reasons to contact you, not make excuses about why he can't.

 

I'm sorry you've been having this disappointment & frustration. IMO the uncertainty is more hurtful than someone saying upfront "let's call it a day". I let a guy string me along for 3 months, because I believed all his excuses (work, illness, work again etc.) and he kept promising me he WAS interested. Some people are too cowardly to say the truth, and some people like to play mind games or be on a power trip.

 

I hope things work out happily for you with this guy, but it doesn't sound good. Maybe stop being so "understanding" and call him out on it. Tell him you're worried & upset, and if he hasn't lost interest he needs to keep in touch regularly and see you too. 

 

Be sure to look after yourself, and we're all here for you too!

Looby 

[AsleepAndDreaming]

if they want to spend time with you then they will make time for you.

 

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news but this guy is absolutely spot on. 

 

A Daddy who has a little who means the world will drop everything when he gets a text. He'll answer as soon as he can. There's been times in relationships I've had when my phone would beep with a text and I've pulled over on the side of the road just to stop and answer my little, to make sure she knows she's the most important thing in my life. If I've got a little and my phone isn't working then I'd be panicking and it would be the biggest priority ever to sort it out. When I broke mine once I sorted it within about 4 hours.

 

Any Daddy worth their name understands that littles NEED attention. I'm afraid what you're describing says to me his feelings for you have faded and unfortunately it doesn't look like he's strong enough to tell you. 

 

Sorry 

Edited February 1, 2020 by AsleepAndDreaming

[Train]

Thank you all for replying... it’s a sad truth that you guys are telling me, but it rings true. Last night I was able to finally tell him that I need more attention: our old, in-depth, meaningful conversations, more visits, just... more! He understood it but I have little faith it will change. I’ll give him some time for a chance to act on my newly expressed needs, but if he’s not going to prioritize me the way I prioritize him things will have to stop. I’ve been dragged along by distant non-DDlg/BDSM partners before and I refuse to tolerate it like I did before.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I hope it all goes well. Thanks for updating us - and WELL DONE for speaking to him about it!

 

Just please be careful. Maybe set a timeframe in which you need to see positive change from him, so you don't accidentally let it drag on (as you say has happened before).

 

Looby