Advice, New, LDR,

[Guest MrOstrov]

I’ve asked for this to be deleted and my account and it hasn’t. Edited January 30, 2020 by MrOstrov

[Guest QueenJellybean]

you and your partner define what is normal or abnormal in your relationship.

be realistic, and honest with each other.

if it seems like a bit much, communicate that to your partner. 

it's a simple as that. 

 

with my LDR, i call him nightly. 

sometimes, we talk for an hour before bed.

sometimes, i fall asleep in the first fifteen minutes. 

sometimes, we have sex and then forget what we were talking about. 

sometimes, i'm in a bad mood and our call only last ten minutes. 

 

it's all about what your individual expectations are, and how you've communicated them to each other. 

[Guest Lavendar Bunni Wubbins]

 

you and your partner define what is normal or abnormal in your relationship.

be realistic, and honest with each other.

if it seems like a bit much, communicate that to your partner. 

it's a simple as that. 

 

with my LDR, i call him nightly. 

sometimes, we talk for an hour before bed.

sometimes, i fall asleep in the first fifteen minutes. 

sometimes, we have sex and then forget what we were talking about. 

sometimes, i'm in a bad mood and our call only last ten minutes. 

 

it's all about what your individual expectations are, and how you've communicated them to each other. 

 

Agree with this 100%.

 

Somedays those long convo's can work, other days they can't (and not just for you, I'm sure they'll have days too where they can't talk a lot either). Find the happy balance, maybe it's a short call in the morning and a longer one at night, maybe a few short calls at certain points in the days (breaks, lunch time, etc). Maybe on the days that time is tight, make a plan to call at a certain time & for a certain length of time and let them know that as much as you'd love to talk more, you do have other obligations in life too so have to stick to that.

[MysticSand]

My LDR Little and I have been on call anywhere from 5 minutes to 22hrs/day. We typically call every day for 4-5hrs but we don't necessarily interact the entire time. Sometimes we're on a call but each doing our own thing.

 

See if it's maybe it's just your Little wanting company (ie: being on a call just to have someone around, so to speak) or if she wants attention. Set expectations so she knows when a call will happen; it will also help her not call whenever as expectations help a lot.

Edited January 28, 2020 by MysticSand

[AttendingBear]

What a blessing - a little that always wants to be on call <3

[SmolAetherr]

there is no normal if her level of communication is too much for you then set your boundaries

[Guest MrOstrov]

delete Edited January 30, 2020 by MrOstrov

[SmolAetherr]

Ok.. so clearly I’m too old for the community as half the advice as been not advice.

Obviously people define their relationship. That isn’t of 0 help. An advice forum is useless if that is the advice given.

If a mod can delete this thread it would be great.

You should better define your question because based on what you asked, you got some good answers even if they were not a

 

"Do this

Then this

Then that"

 

Sort of answer which in all honest is a bad way to hand out advice since everyone is different and has different expectations and boundaries and desires.

[Guest MrOstrov]

Delete Edited January 30, 2020 by MrOstrov

[SmolAetherr]

Sounds like you did what was best for you which is all we can ever ask and expect of ourselves and each other but i feel you are coming across as needlessly hostile which if you know anything about the internet is a very bad idea if you expect serious or even helpful responses, good luck in the future though!

[Guest Kaori]

To be fair then, you did learn something. You learned that you don't want a super clingy little, and that's perfectly fine. Everyone wants for something different. Not all littles are as clingy as all that. Maybe try a relationship with a middle as they tend to be more independent and not so clingy.

 

My personal experience is, I message my Daddy while he's as work and he responds when he has time. If he wants to go fishing or go out with friends I message him to tell him I love him while hes out so he knows I'm thinking of him. And I spend time with him when he gets home (we live together and are married)

 

My personal opinion is that you did the right thing in ending it. You knew that what your little was wanting from you wasn't going to work for you. There's no point in continuing if you already know that.

 

Yes the advice here can be kind of blanket but there is good advice here(on the forum in general). I would like to touch on your comment "Obviously people define their relationship" while yes that seems obvious to you, many times we have had members that want a cut and dry list of this is what ddlg is and this is what it isn't. As I'm sure you know, that's not realistic of any type of relationship. But for one reason or another people want that list, my guess is so when a relationship doesn't go their way or their partner isn't their fairytale version they can say "well you're a fake little/daddy"

 

I'm sorry you feel this forum is of no use to you and I understand what is helpful to some is not helpful to others. If you still want your thread removed, message me and I will take care of that for you.

[Guest Relentlessoptimist]

As per your question, it's a negotiation. This much interaction made you uncomfortable, so at the time if i had been in your shoes i would've had the chat of needing some time for the vacation. 6 hours spread over 2 times is excessive. And in the beginning it is likely that everybody is eager. One of my littles and i for the first week it felt like we were playing ping pong with 15 balls at a time back and forth and we talked more in 5 days then i have with other people in months. And it was glorious but unsustainable. Over time that calmed down.

 

Also, there is a power dynamic here. Daddy's / mommy's / caregivers can set rules. They need to be negotiated and accepted by the little if they so choose and vice versa. It's not a hostage situation, and sometimes people need to be molded over time to your and their expectations. For me I set expectations over time and I take it gentle and things eased up over time. Your little was likely just bored and had a ton of ultra new relationship energy. For your next relationship, set some boundaries and enforce them more over time. You'll be fine. And this should feel fun for both of you, and never like a hostage situation or an obligation. Best wishes on your journey.

[babys-daddy]

my little always wants to FaceTime or call, but we've only done so twice. thats because for apparently no reason, it makes me beyond nervous. we often send videos on instagram, so it's not like I'm uncomfortable. I am nowhere near uncomfortable with my little, but it just makes me so nervous and I feel insanely bad about it. any advice?