First Fight with Daddy

[Guest HisBabySunny]

Hi. Daddy and I had our first fight and he is out of state and working. I have PTSD from situations exactly like this, wherein my abusive ex would get me into this state of mind and then disappear and I couldn't contact him. This is extremely difficult for me right now, especially because Daddy and I didn't really get the chance to really talk things through very much before I had to go to bed.

We literally agree on EVERYTHING, but when I mentioned how racism has played into my experience as a female academic (I'm an African American grad student in STEM) Daddy was immediately dismissive and didnt even try to hear my perspective or understand me further. (He is white.)

My heart is so broken. I am so sad and I just want to crawl in a hole and cry forever. Daddy has been my safe space and my rock for about 1.5 months now and I feel like everything has just been ripped out from under my feet.

I just need a friend right now. I'm not feeling well at all. I'm so broken and upset.

[DaddyDom3238]

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this and that you had a previous relationship that has caused you to have difficulties like this in your present relationship. Try to not think the worst and reach out to your Daddy to share your concerns when he is available to you. If he doesn't want to hear you or acknowledge your concerns then that is a problem as a Daddy should be there and should acknowledge your feelings. You will not always agree, however he should hear you and not just listen. 

I wish you the best and feel free to reach out if you would like. 

[baby_k]

I can relate to you in many ways. I cannot stand nor even cope with the silence nor not dealing with issues immediately. And I have had my fair share of people not understanding that the world may not be as equal as one would like to imagine.

 

First of all you need to get calm for you. The only person suffering now is you, so that should be your focus. Whatever can make you feel better, do it. Distract yourself (nothtinking the upset might be good, so excercise, play games, cook...), write to your daddy on what is the issue and explain your side ( getting your emotions out can be good ) or talk to someone else.

 

You probably feel like everything is lost and there is no return to the happy times but that isn't really true. Sometimes people are dismissive as they just don't get something or they have random bias or bad experiences themselves. It is not right at all from your daddy to dismiss your experiences and not be interested in how you see the world and what has happened to you but often people do this, so that they can protect their own imaginary world. If he really is good guy, he will come around it after you explain your side to him. So, this can be seen as your chance to make one more people see the issues of discrimination and so on, who otherwise would keep on going as they are. But I'm sure your view will interest him in the end enough, so he changes his mind.

 

I have had in my life time several fights that seemed at the time that I can never be with the person I'm having hte fight again as our world views are so drasticly different. But in all those cases eventually the other person came around as they got bit more educated on the topic. It totally sucks to have the fight in the first place but world is not perfect and people are not perfect. There can be a lot of reasons why he was dismissive that make the situation more okay, such as being busy, being accused of things, being fed up with people who use equality as horse to ride on and so on.

 

It may seem massive now but I'm sure you will work it out when you just have time to talk.

 

You can reach out to me as well if you wish but unfortunately I'm bit slow responder currently.... Just know that you are not the only person facing those situations and not really coping with them. It's okay. And evetually all will be fine, in way or an other.

[APTX]

You did say everything else seemed perfect, you guys could agree on almost anything.

In a relationship however you can never agree on everything, you can respect each others different views, and there could always be sensitive subjects where you need to approach things differently.

It's not about just you doing your talking, it's about you being able to listen to his concerns too.

 

Do not, ever, jump to conclusions that he doesn't give a crap about you or your feelings, but just talk things out.

 

Racism can be a very sensitive subject, he's white as you've exclaimed, you're not and you've experienced in some sort, but how did he experience it, because he and his white background (family) gets thrown into that situation a lot, branded, when they have had nothing to do with it at all.

Perhaps he felt it like a jab at him and his family, and it coming from the person he has a relationship with, made the feeling even worse.

Honestly, I do not know what is going on, but communicate. First rule of a relationship.

[Guest HisBabySunny]

Hi all, thank you all so much for your responses. Daddy and I were able to talk things through, and he helped me see that it is absolutely possible that I was absolutely overreacting, to the initial situation (not to my triggers and feelings of being dismissed), and that we simply had different perspectives on the particular situation that brought up race in the first place. Racism is definitely a significant issue and He never aimed to shush me about it but was trying to give unbiased advice to me about what I was sharing with him, and because of my life experiences related to this topic, it simply did not come off that way.

Anyhow, we've talked it out, we're in a much better place and we have solidified that we don't always have to agree on everything and that's ok, but he is always willing to listen to me and try to help me and that's what matters.

We both apologized and will be moving forward with healthier communication skills