[PriincessTori]

** tw: mention of self harm **

 

heey guys.

 

you know when you think that you're okay, you've been so strong and put everything behind you but then it's 9pm on a monday night and suddenly, everywhere you look there's a reminder of him and you realise how not okay you are?

 

it's been a month since my boyfriend of 2 years walked out on me for the third time, i thought i was doing great but the last few nights i've been crawling into my bed and crying because i'm so lonely and i miss him. it's like suddenly everywhere i look there's a flashback of something, somewhere with him. we lived together so i'm now back living at my parents, i miss having my own freedom, personal space etc.

 

do you have any tips how to move on from a break-up? we have zero contact, i don't want to talk to him at all.

 

how do you guys deal with it? all i want to do is grab a blade and make my arm worse, but i'm trying so hard not to.

 

i'd love to hear what you guys do when you're in this situation.

 

tori xo

[Guest frozenwolf]

The only thing that comes to mind is distracting yourself with things that matter stuffies coloring etc. I know how it feels trying to move on and it's never easy but it can be done.

[Guest frozenwolf]

The only thing that comes to mind is distracting yourself with things that matter stuffies coloring etc. I know how it feels trying to move on and it's never easy but it can be done.

[Guest Lavendar Bunni Wubbins]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it must be really hard on you, I can't even imagine. *offers warm hugs and hot chocolate*

 

Distraction can be a great tool when your emotions are overwhelming you, as well as just basic self care. And don't be afraid to cry, keeping those feelings pent up will just make it worse in the long run, and crying can be really therapeutic.

 

For distraction I try to do things that I enjoy the most during the times of the day that are the hardest (for me it's evening & night). So I sometimes put on my favourite show or movie (even if I've watched it 1000 times!) and have a good snack, and get as cozy as I can. Sometimes I will even do something like paint my nails just to keep my mind that extra bit distracted. If I'm able to I go out with someone, or see if someone will available during the hard times to just talk with me, whether it's in person, over text, a phone call, etc. Video games can be a nice distraction too, or something like playing an instrument too if that's your thing!

 

For basic self care, I notice that I will have a few rough days where I literally don't wanna shower, don't wanna brush my hair/teeth...don't wanna eat, etc. But I make myself try, at the very least. I might hop into the shower and not actually wash...but stand there and cry. But when I get out I do feel a bit better. Same with eating. I might not feel like making a proper meal, so I might just snack on something instead. A little bit is better than nothing at all. I've actually heard people say things like, "I am too depressed/sad to even make myself a sandwich"...but you don't HAVE to have a sandwich, you could just grab the sandwich meat and eat that, or grab some cheese and eat that, or whatever works best for you at the time.

 

It could also help to write how you are feeling down, whether it's a letter to him or a letter to yourself, or just ramblings. Then you can either rip it up, throw it away, burn it, etc. I find that really helpful too!

 

Edited to add: The part about missing your freedom & such...maybe schedule a time for you to just get out of the house during the evening, even if it's just to talk a walk, or go window shopping...or see a friend...just anything that makes you feel like you're in a bit more control & still have your freedom?

Edited January 20, 2020 by Bunni Wubbins

[minty☆]

my biggest breakup was after 10 years together. it took some time but we were able to remain good friends - i would always highly recommend staying open to this option if it ever becomes available between the two of you and you mutually are okay with it. if it's not comfortable (or if you ended on bad terms or something) .. then don't, but you didn't provide enough context for me to give my opinion on that call.

other than that, best advice i can give you is to start living for YOU. you are a separate entity apart from him with your own hobbies, goals, desires, feelings, etc. go have fun without restriction. make new friends, or hang out with the ones you already have. i feel like doing something new helps, especially if it's a hobby.

it's not easy, i know... but set goals and think of the future. focus on work or school. relax. treat yourself. you got diss, girl. i believe in you!

Edited January 21, 2020 by minty☆

[Atongteases]

Its really hard, I understand completely but what you have to think about is how much better YOU will be.  If someone leaves you, they. don't. deserve. you.  Read it again.  They don't deserve you.  You are better off without them.  Find friends, hang out, even just sitting together reading or anything.  Go for walks , even by yourself.  Remember, you are unique, you are singular.  Another thing that may help is to pretend they never existed.  That is just a difficult but once it starts working, you grow faster and move on and things will be better.  Take one thing at a time, one day at a time.

[Alaskan Daddy]

I understand why you would want to do self harm to rid yourself of the emotional pain you are feeling. My advice to you is to either call a good friend who will listen to your feelings or writing down the feelings you are having like a journal.Either way what you are doing is allowing those hard thoughts you are having to pass through you by confronting them. I hope this makes sense. Most times we cannot help how we feel and how those feelings affect us, but there are things we can do to cope with them in a positive way. 

I hope this helps and good luck.

[AsleepAndDreaming]

Hey Tori,

 

Your post came across as so emotional that I've read it about 5 times. I've been there too often for my liking and I can feel the pain in your writing. I hope you don't let him walk out on you for a fourth time - there will always be moments when you have these weak points and one of the best things you can do is to make yourself busy whenever you start feeling you might be about to try and contact him. Someone who walks out on you 3 times is emotionally messing with you so I completely agree that you shouldn't have any contact with him at all. 

 

One of the things that helps moving on from a break up is time. The light at the end of the tunnel that you can't currently see will arrive in time. The crawling into bed will fade over time. You'll meet someone else in time. And I know it hurts more than anything and I know that cutting your arm will feel like you're releasing the pain, but actually, won't every time you use the blade end up being a physical memory of him and a reminder of the pain he made you feel? 

 

The break ups I've had have always, without fail, led to me stopping having any contact with my ex. I don't see why I want a reminder of the past and a reminder of a failed relationship. And if you keep things of his, or reminders of him on open show, be prepared to deal with the low moments that may come when you look at them and are reminded of him. If you want to keep memories that's fine, but my experience is that it's not always the best thing to have them on display in the immediate aftermath of a break up. 

 

If you're a talker and an analyser, make sure you talk and analyse. Whether it's with your best friend or your parents or someone you've never met before, talk about it because if you don't it can stay within you and eat you up. Discuss your feelings and by all means ask yourself why it's happened because in my experience there'll come a point where you're all talked out and that will be the point where that light at the end of the tunnel just starts to shine a little bit brighter. 

 

It's important that I say that everyone's different, and other people might say things completely the opposite to me, this is just how I deal with it. But we go into relationships because of the joy and the love and the happiness they can bring us, and I promise you one thing: it will get better and you will have love again 

[Guest LittleMissMissy]

I am a little late because I feel like i can agree with everyone here on tips for moving on. Much of it something I would have said to you.

 

Remember, it's okay to cry and never ever be scared to talk to someone. My inbox is always open if you need a listening ear!

[Guest LittleMissMissy]

I am a little late because I feel like i can agree with everyone here on tips for moving on. Much of it something I would have said to you.

 

Remember, it's okay to cry and never ever be scared to talk to someone. My inbox is always open if you need a listening ear!

[redheadprincess98]

Besides what everyone said, I would like to add this: it’s been only a month, it’s still very fresh so it’s okay, normal and to be expected to feel the way you feel. Everything is gonna get better eventually, but it will take longer than a month for you to heal emotionally and mentally. So my advice is: give yourself time to heal properly, and be patient with yourself. Lots of love ❤️

 

P.S: everything will be okay in the end

[redheadprincess98]

Besides what everyone said, I would like to add this: it’s been only a month, it’s still very fresh so it’s okay, normal and to be expected to feel the way you feel. Everything is gonna get better eventually, but it will take longer than a month for you to heal emotionally and mentally. So my advice is: give yourself time to heal properly, and be patient with yourself. Lots of love ❤️

 

P.S: everything will be okay in the end

[DaddyCharles44]

tori, I am so sorry you had to go thru this and my heart goes out to you. I know everything we are offering may sound like clichés but we do all care about you and feel for you. You will get thru this and soon you will discover it was for the best. You will one day find someone who is perfect for you and will never leave you once, let alone 3 times.Sadly some men, some daddies never realize the treasure they have and are always looking for greener pastures, when in reality the one they are with is perfect for them. It is Ok to cry, everyone does, and everyone feels heartache at some time. If being in love didn't feel so wonderful, then losing that love wouldn't hurt so bad. Just don't ever feel it is your fault. Don't ever doubt yourself, you are a unique and special and no one can take that from you. You will soon find that special person who can see what a sweet and wonderful little girl you are. Take care and believe in yourself.

[PriincessTori]

Thank you guys so much for all your responses, they are all so reassuring and heartwarming - they really mean a lot.

None of you had to even reply, but you've all taken time out to read and respond to me - thank you, thank you, thank you ♥︎