How to trust again

[lilbabybee]

Hi friends,

 

I've been with my daddy officially for five months but unofficially for a year before that. He's my best friend in the world and we are each other's first love. We originally met in person but we live about six hours away from each other and he can't drive so I drive up to visit him when I can (about once every month and a half). We call every night and when we can during the day though. Sometimes he's my little too (we're both switches). I see a serious future for us. He does too.

 

Anyways, here's the thing. Obviously, cgl requires a TON of trust. For me at least, it's extremely emotional and also sexual. I used to have that full trust. However, when we first started officially dating, he had a few moments (three, maybe four) where he freaked out and broke up with me. None of the moments were ever caused by anything happening, he just gets very anxious about the future and he used to be convinced that he wasn't good enough for me. These moments of anxiety last for a few hours: he wakes up in a bad mood or gets in a fight with his parents, his anxiety takes over, he starts being very short with me then breaks up with me. A few hours later, he clears his mind and apologizes profusely. It really breaks my heart, though. I never tell him because I don't want him to feel guilty, but every time it happens I get physically sick to the point where I can't walk or eat.

 

Here's why I'm telling you: even though this behavior hasn't occurred since like, September, I'm so extraordinarily worried every time he starts being short with me that he's going to break up with me. Because of this, I can't fully commit to being his little anymore. I try so hard, but I always feel like something's holding me back. It's not like it used to be. I'm very, very in love with him. He's changed and I feel that I have no reason not to trust him, but I'm still afraid.

 

TL;DR how do I trust my partner again enough to regress around him when I'm constantly worried about a breakup?

 

[Kittemptress]

This is a tough one. Being in a relationship that is unstable is challenging and definitely affects the trust. In the past, I've had to set boundaries in my relationships. That the next time that I was "threatened" with a breakup, that it was going to be final. No turning back. But you have to be willing to follow through with that. Boundaries are necessary for every relationship, especially DDlg IMO. This will give you a piece of mind and help your partner to realize that he cannot just break up with you without having the deal with the consequences of that action. Best of luck to you hun, XO. It sounds like you guys really do love each other so setting boundaries is a great way to make your relationship so much stronger!  

[lilbabybee]

Thank you jigsaw. I've thought about this before and I definitely need to learn to be strong enough to set those boundaries. I crave nothing more than a stable relationship and I'm sure he does too.

I think one of the things that helped was setting up a "date night." Every Friday, we drink a Monster together on videochat and we play Magic: The Gathering and listen to asmr and talk about life until realllll late. It's nice, we both look forward to it. We didn't have this established until about October though, which is around the time that the temporary breakups stopped. We missed last Friday cause he had to work late so we rescheduled for this Wednesday and he keeps telling me how excited he is. He likes stability and coming home to something he's looked forward to all week. I do too. I think in a roundabout way this has affected his mentality about losing me. He hates missing a date night, it bugs him all week. If we break up we won't get our Fridays anymore. It may have helped him realize that breaking up with me means losing the little things.

I'm sure we'll keep growing closer. But just in case something changes, I will absolutely keep your advice in mind. Thank you.