Adult work and dating

[Alozalia]

I’m not sure how to word this but I just wanted to start some sort of discussion? So, I’m an “adult” worker, and I find it extremely hard to find partners understanding of this, but it’s like, I see so many people online who do the same work and have really healthy and happy relationships. So what are your views on dating people who do that kind of work? Do you think it’s possible to have a healthy monogamous relationship with someone in the adult industry? Why or why not?

[Guest Mr. J]

I think it's basically like the movie industry, work is work and whatever needs to be done at work needs to be done. Sometimes, or rather all the time in the adult industry, that means doing things that if done at an A4 workplace would be highly inappropriate. But in these industries it's just work. And to have a healthy relationship with those kinds of jobs you need to find someone who truly understands that it's just work. Difficult for sure, but you said yourself that you see others who have managed to find a partner that understands so don't give up I think some people even include their partner in their adult work as a way to make it feel more ok for them, though I'm not sure so don't quote me on that cx

[Guest SifuTheWolf]

I don't work in that field but I've dated a few "dancers" back in my youth. I believe you can have a healthy monogamous relationship with someone working in that field, but you need to have an above average sense of self-confidence, and trust in your partner, you need to know the difference between a pure physical act and one that has emotional ties to it, it's a world apart, but most people don't "get that", finding someone willing and able to be in a relationship with an adult worker will never be easy, but its definitely possible.

[Honeydadddy]

The short answer to your question is absolutely yes, it is possible for a person working in the adult industry and/or doing sex work to have a healthy fulfilling relationship that meets the needs of both partners. Not only is it possible, but folks working in the adult industry have the same right to expect that their relationships are respectful and nurturing as a person from any other profession. Unfortunately, there are a lot of misperceptions about people working in the adult industry and there is also a lot of shaming which can make it hard to disclose things about your profession up front, but consider that this might be the best filter for who really wants to get to know you for you and who might either judge you up front or make assumptions about the kind of person you are. It’s completely ok to have boundaries in the beginning about disclosure and allow those things to come out as more trust is established in the relationship overtime. And it’s completely ok to expect your partner to be supportive of you and what you do for work. There are, of course, several elements that can be challenging for couples to navigate when one partner works in the adult industry and things like trust, honesty, and jealousy can become larger issues, but overcoming these can also become elements that strengthen the relationship and contribute to emotional connectedness if the couple can communicate through them. There are a variety of articles, documentaries, and pod-casts I referenced when I was confronting something similar that I’m happy to share, or if you’d like more information on my own journey, just ask. Edited January 19, 2020 by Honeydadddy

[PrX_UK]

Each to their own really, ofc it's possible - there's always someone.
For me personally, i was in an open relationship for 7 years (group stuff etc) so i don't think it would bother me personally but i guess it really depends on what kind of adult work.

I see things in 2 ways, there's the fun side of it and the love side of it - it can be split to your needs or obviously together if there's feelings involved. 

[APTX]

Healthy relationship? Yes, more likely. Healthy monogamous relationship? No, very less likely to succeed.

It requires that person to have a certain off switch, coming to terms with something they naturally couldn't see themselves in.

Even when people can respect that one who shares their body/have sex with is different than one who with whom they have romantic feelings and an emotional connection with, it doesn't mean they agree with it and want to be a part of it.

How they feel things are different from someone who are more open about sharing themselves and being able to loving multiple partners.

 

You can keep trying to pursue a monogamous relationship with someone, but do understand it has higher chance to fail than prospering to something long-term and permanent.

It can feel kind of unfair, when people who share themselves are not open and willing to find someone, and give them the choice, to be either exclusive to them or also have someone/others on the side.

If you want a really healthy relationship, that's your best bet, or risk going through unnecessary complications popping up in the relationship, which requires a lot of communication, reassurance, tears, and whatnot, and still most of the times it doesn't work out.

[PrX_UK]

I did it for 7-9 year so, it's possible. 

[Alozalia]

I appreciate all of the responses, I feel so much better in my search for someone

[DaddyCharles44]

I think YES, it is possible to have a healthy relationship and find a rewarding partner. It just takes a special man-or woman- that sees all you have to offer and values you as a person, someone who understands you are more than your job, you are a special human being with a unique capacity to love and care for others. Anyone who can not see that in you, isn't worth wasting any time on. You deserve better, you deserve happiness like everyone else. In many ways the work you do is much more 'honest' than what many others do and a loving partner would understand that.  Take care and believe in yourself, don't ever sell yourself short, you are a special girl, don't ever doubt that. Good luck, I hope you find all the happiness that awaits you.