:))

[whinylexie]

— Edited January 13, 2020 by whinylexie

[AttendingBear]

I know it's hard, but even when someone leaves you on read for a few minutes, you can't start thinking negatively. Sometimes people are super busy, at work or just thought they replied when they haven't. I hate how social media has added those types of features in. All it does is increase anxiety and cause people to distress over text messages. Sorry you have been going through all of this. 

 

Don't hurt yourself anymore then you already are. You will be loved by someone, you'll find that one person you just have to keep an open heart. 

[whinylexie]

I know it's hard, but even when someone leaves you on read for a few minutes, you can't start thinking negatively. Sometimes people are super busy, at work or just thought they replied when they haven't. I hate how social media has added those types of features in. All it does is increase anxiety and cause people to distress over text messages. Sorry you have been going through all of this. 

 

Don't hurt yourself anymore then you already are. You will be loved by someone, you'll find that one person you just have to keep an open heart.

 

i know, it was never a problem when he did it before but after things got bad that specific thing really upset me. maybe because i barely ever got his attention because of work and when he finally wasn’t working, he was still somehow leaving me on seen and not paying me attention. i regret it. i know it was childish and stupid. i was just hurting

[Guest Lavendar Bunni Wubbins]

Sounds like a lot of pain & stress, I'm sorry that all happened.

If you have to break up with someone in the hopes that they'll treat you better in the future/pay more attention to you...it isn't a good sign ever. I see a lot of red flags in this and it comes from both you and him. Being alone is horrible and can be rough, but right now it might just be the best thing for you. Give yourself time to relax and reset, and to rediscover how to love yourself & treat yourself kindly, and explore how you want others to treat you in the future when you are ready to get back out there. It sounds like you allowed yourself to be treated badly out of loneliness (no judgement, I've done this before & might be doing it right now lol, it can be a tough habit to break) and that you are so afraid to be alone that you form bonds with people who treat you badly, because you maybe think you don't deserve to be treated better. I think your best bet is to cut all ties with him ASAP, from what you'v said he is not a good person and is very toxic for you, and nobody needs that in their lives.

 

 

And if you haven't ever heard of it, try looking into Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It's a therapy that can be useful for a lot of things, but the big one I think might help you is helping regulate your emotions & using skills that you might not have been naturally taught as a child to calm yourself down, look at situations from other points of view, etc. It's incredibly helpful, and it might do you some good to look into, as it sounds like your emotions can be pretty hard for you to deal with. If you have questions about it feel free to add me & message me privately. It also might help to do some work on healthy boundaries & communicating your wants & needs better, I can direct you to some sites & info about those too.

 

And you will feel okay again, give yourself time to grieve what you had and what you wanted from it, give yourself time to be sad/angry/whatever else, and then give yourself time to accept the fact that it wasn't an ideal relationship/situation. If it had been, there wouldn't have been so drama & hurt over the same things repeatedly. This isn't to say that good relationships are easy, but they shouldn't be this hard constantly either. I know it sucks to say goodbye to the good/happy moments, but remember...he also caused you a lot of pain. If it helps, write yourself a note on why it's best to stay away from him/relationships like that, so if you ever think "I miss him, I should message him" you have that list of the all the red flags & bad things that made it really difficult & painful for you (just something I've done when I miss toxic person, it helps).

 

Anyhow, if you ever want to chat feel free to add me. I am more than willing to lend a ear.

Edited January 13, 2020 by Bunni Wubbins

[whinylexie]

Sounds like a lot of pain & stress, I'm sorry that all happened.

If you have to break up with someone in the hopes that they'll treat you better in the future/pay more attention to you...it isn't a good sign ever. I see a lot of red flags in this and it comes from both you and him. Being alone is horrible and can be rough, but right now it might just be the best thing for you. Give yourself time to relax and reset, and to rediscover how to love yourself & treat yourself kindly, and explore how you want others to treat you in the future when you are ready to get back out there. It sounds like you allowed yourself to be treated badly out of loneliness (no judgement, I've done this before & might be doing it right now lol, it can be a tough habit to break) and that you are so afraid to be alone that you form bonds with people who treat you badly, because you maybe think you don't deserve to be treated better. I think your best bet is to cut all ties with him ASAP, from what you'v said he is not a good person and is very toxic for you, and nobody needs that in their lives.

 

 

And if you haven't ever heard of it, try looking into Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It's a therapy that can be useful for a lot of things, but the big one I think might help you is helping regulate your emotions & using skills that you might not have been naturally taught as a child to calm yourself down, look at situations from other points of view, etc. It's incredibly helpful, and it might do you some good to look into, as it sounds like your emotions can be pretty hard for you to deal with. If you have questions about it feel free to add me & message me privately. It also might help to do some work on healthy boundaries & communicating your wants & needs better, I can direct you to some sites & info about those too.

 

And you will feel okay again, give yourself time to grieve what you had and what you wanted from it, give yourself time to be sad/angry/whatever else, and then give yourself time to accept the fact that it wasn't an ideal relationship/situation. If it had been, there wouldn't have been so drama & hurt over the same things repeatedly. This isn't to say that good relationships are easy, but they shouldn't be this hard constantly either. I know it sucks to say goodbye to the good/happy moments, but remember...he also caused you a lot of pain. If it helps, write yourself a note on why it's best to stay away from him/relationships like that, so if you ever think "I miss him, I should message him" you have that list of the all the red flags & bad things that made it really difficult & painful for you (just something I've done when I miss toxic person, it helps).

 

Anyhow, if you ever want to chat feel free to add me. I am more than willing to lend a ear.

you’re right, i allowed him to get away with alot of hurtful things. but i’ve never been loved and cared for this way before, in the end i was always just thankful to have him by my side. i did type down a list of things that made the relationship not work, and why it would not work in the future either but it didn’t stop me from reaching out. i just feel so lonely and lost. i don’t want to reach out to him again, i’ve done it enough and i’ve tried enough and it just hurts more and more each time. i’m scared someone else will hurt me even more or treat me worse than he did. i’ll try to work on myself and love myself if that’s even possible.. i’m just not sure how i’m going to be okay with being alone.

[Guest Lavendar Bunni Wubbins]

you’re right, i allowed him to get away with alot of hurtful things. but i’ve never been loved and cared for this way before, in the end i was always just thankful to have him by my side. i did type down a list of things that made the relationship not work, and why it would not work in the future either but it didn’t stop me from reaching out. i just feel so lonely and lost. i don’t want to reach out to him again, i’ve done it enough and i’ve tried enough and it just hurts more and more each time. i’m scared someone else will hurt me even more or treat me worse than he did. i’ll try to work on myself and love myself if that’s even possible.. i’m just not sure how i’m going to be okay with being alone.

I understand that, I was in an abusive relationship for a lot longer than I should have been because I had never been loved like that before & was terrified that no one else would love me (and I now have an even better relationship than I ever could have imagined - we still have issues but it's nothing like my abusive one at all). It can be tough to break that cycle, but a good step is to know your values & what you want in life, and then make sure you have proper boundaries set in place from the get go when you meet new people. Do some work on you & what you need & want before even thinking about being with someone else. The loneliness will suck for a while, but it's part of the process (as horrible as that sounds).