I feel jelous of my bf´s little sister

[Raven-jo]

Hi everyone! im new here and just looking for a bit of advice (sorry if my englishis not the best)

Im a 23 year old girl and have been dating my bf for a year and a half. He doesnt know about my interest in ddlg and he is very vanilla. But ive hinted every now and then that im into being submissive and i do unintentionally sometimes slip into little space and talk in a babish voice which he loves. He is very caring and honestly the main thing that attracks me to him is that he seems like a very good dom.

 

But recently weve been having lots of problems. He has a sister who is younger than him. He has taken care of her all her life, many times has been left all day with her and has a very strong bond which resembles a dad-daughter bond. She gives him gifts for fathers day (her dad is not around). When we go out the three of us he holds her hand and im left alone. Every day he fills her with kisses, hugs, he even massages her back. 

 

Ive talked to him about how this makes me feel uncomfortable and unloved, but he doesnt understand it. Im thinking of telling him about my interest in ddlg, but im afraid he might still not get it and worse, he might never change. He has told me he sees her as a five year old still.

 

I fear he might never understand me, since he isnt very empathic and is quite vanilla in his tastes. Today I came back to my house after taking him and his sister out crying because of how rejected i feel.

 

Has anyone goen through something like this? what can i do? i feel like im dating a man with kids...

[SmolAetherr]

Welcome to the forum we are all glad to have another new face!

 

 

the only thing i have to say here is, don't make it a competition between family and non-family

 

family almost always comes first, also if he doesent get it or doesent understand or rejects you then it is still better to know for sure than to be left wondering

 

i do think your jealousy of a young girl is a bit strange.

Edited January 15, 2020 by thelittlejellybeanmonster

[Little kaiya]

You need to decide what you want out of the relationship. Family is going to come first and it makes perfect sense that he takes care of her considering you've said the dad isn't around.

Personally, I'd never be jealous if I was dating someone that loved their family, siblings or kids, that's a very reasonable and natural thing to occur. Also, the relationship and love between siblings and you and your boyfriend isn't, and personal opinion, shouldn't be the same. One is a familial bond and one is a relationship outside of that bond. It's not that one is better or more, they're just very different.

You've said he's very vanilla but then you say you're attracted to him because he seems like a good Dom. This seems fairly contradictory. I think it would be very rare that someone very vanilla makes a good Dom, but could just be me. It almost seems like you may be viewing the actions he shows to his sister as "Dom" behaviour when really it's just a big brother being a big brother, not Dom behaviour.

I really recommend you try and separate your desire to have a DDlg relationship with him and his relationship with his sister as they are TOTALLY different and mixing the two seems emotionally unhealthy for you.

If you are feeling like you're competing with your boyfriend's younger sister for his affection, well, you may want to reflect on that more.

I wish you the best but honestly, if someone told me that me showing affection for my younger sibling made them feel uncomfortable and unloved, well, I wouldn't understand either but I know it would be a big compatibility issue to me.

Edited January 15, 2020 by thelittlejellybeanmonster

[baby_k]

I think I can sort of understand your feelings but then I also assume that the jealousy isn't really about the sister but the lack of affections and love in your rel. All you wish from the rel, but don't get, is thrown to your face in the form of the rel he has with his sister -not with you.

You really seem to wish to have ddlg rel, but also just to get basic affections in your rel. That is not wrong but normal and even needed in order to have healthy relationship. I really encourage you to talk to him about your relationship and the coldness you feel in it. Just try to avoid talking of the sister as people often react really negativly to that sort of stuff. Focus more on you and your needs and wishes: don't compare ( even I get that would be so.... easy ).

[Raven-jo]

Thanks for the answers! Sory if i sound crazy, of course i would never take it out on a kid