Help????

[NikitaMaxine]

So, I separated from my last partner about 5 months ago. He broke up with me as he felt he was being toxic and controlling too much, trying to change who I am. (Make me not a little, make me be a stay at home mom when I explained I didn't want to, I love working and having my own money) and emotionally manipulative. His words, I still say I didn't see that. But he did. We still live together as we both financially cannot afford to move yet. But we are planning to and have discussed finding our own places, for now we work as a team on stuff as roommates. We are still best friends despite us not being together. 

 

 

Anyways, he is the first person in years I had dated. As I had previously been in a string of abusive relationships since I was 15 onward. I was assaulted by my exes friend at 16 and had a baby at 17 who was severely ill and spent his whole 3 months of life in a NICU for his acute heart. 

 

This guy is the first I opened up to. And he accepted me for everything I have been through in my life so far. He didn't judge me. He helped me cope a lot and still lets me vent a lot. 

 

He was the second person I dated I let know I was a little/kitten and he was okay with it. I'm scared that when I do decide to move on eventually in a year or two. I won't be able to become comfortable and be able to allow myself to be me in front of someone again because the person I first told used it to emotionally/sexually/physically abuse me and my most recent relationship ended after a long time of seeming to be fine and alright all the sudden....

 

Experienced members of the community... How do you open up about this stuff and continue to accept yourselves? Also, is it a good thing I found my best friend out of a past relationship? 

Edited December 31, 2019 by NikitaMaxine

[The RealDaddyCat]

Well one of the best things in the world is the fact that I found my best friend from technically being exes we only dated once or twice but we immediately found out that we were best friend material not necessarily dating material.

 

One of the things I recommend is being totally upfront with people you know you are on a place like this where we are very accepting of things and we understand and accept who you are. Everybody and every individual little or big has a different idea of what should go on. There are Big letter people who do not mind the fact that a little works and some who would.

 

The biggest role in a caregiver should be an encourager in whatever you want to do in life.

 

You just have to make sure that you find the right person who while they may bring out certain sides of you don't find somebody who expects you to fit exactly into their cookie cutter or let them force you into their cookie cutter.

Edited December 31, 2019 by The RealDaddyCat

[Guest Relentlessoptimist]

Hugs. I am so sorry these bad things happened to you. They weren't your fault, and the persons who treated you that badly are just incredibly bad people.

 

It's not the way it should be. Life stand especially relationships should be good and kind and our partners should lift us up. And when they tear us down it's the worst feeling in the world.

 

That being said, finding who you are is such a big deal! It took me about 15 years to accept myself and it is so much fun.

 

And when you do find the right person, your life will just shine and take on a brilliance like never before. In my current ddlg relationship I've never experienced so much joy and love and laughter and insights and I wouldn't trade it in for anything in the world. And with the right person it's beautiful. I hope that you dont give up on your search because after finally finding what makes me happy, I want everyone to never give up and to look for that to.

 

Best wishes and hugs!!!