How to be a little less clingy....

[Guest Lil_moon19]

Im not sure if it goes here... 

I know i can be very clingy and i want to know if there are any tips anyone has to be a little less clingy..

please post bellow

[Foxy-lou]

My advise would be find activities that you enjoy doing on your own. Perhaps a little project that you could give or dedicate to someone for when its finished (?)

 

[Guest Aastyra]

You need to be comfortable with spending time by yourself. The easiest way to do this is by finding some independent hobbies, as has already been suggested. Reading is a great way to absorb yourself in a different world when you have some time to yourself. But if reading isn't your thing, there are a ton of other things that can help, like art, series / movies, games, learning a language, and so on. You could always try a bunch of different things and see what works for you.

[Guest Lil_moon19]

You need to be comfortable with spending time by yourself. The easiest way to do this is by finding some independent hobbies, as has already been suggested. Reading is a great way to absorb yourself in a different world when you have some time to yourself. But if reading isn't your thing, there are a ton of other things that can help, like art, series / movies, games, learning a language, and so on. You could always try a bunch of different things and see what works for you.

i have something like 50 books i love reading, films and music. usually have a book and headphones on wherever i am xx

[Guest Relentlessoptimist]

You mention you are clingy, sometimes anxious people come across that way. 

 

Some people can handle that, some people can't. Being able to self-soothe is important. 

Especially not getting frustrated when people just talked with you and the next day you are mad at them for 

not talking with you already. (I was guilty of this).

 

But sometimes anxious people get called needy. And that now makes me mad, because we have needs, and sometimes they arent being met 

and then we are told its our fault for having those needs. (Whether thats quality time, or touch, or whatever else.)

So its important to find someone who loves and accepts you for you and embraces that. And its likely when your needs

are being met, then you won't have as many problems because your clingy/anxious mind calms down and feels safe. 

 

Anxious people have a lot of love to give. They want a lot of love in return. Their minds race (like mine does), and i think thing very fast sometimes

and are very sensitive to their environment. Sometimes their observations are spot on, and its neglect, other times every small missed opportunity

for love feels like a crime committed against the soul, and that is what we as people need to rein in so 

we do not lash out at our good partners in return. 

 

The other point i wanted to make is, there are about 3 attachment styles in relationships. 

Anxious (clings/needs lots of love / gives lots of love), stable (balanced and steady), and avoidants (afraid of too much love or if they feel betrayed they close up.)

 

Relationships between anxious and avoidants have this terrible jojo effect. The 1st year is great due to new relationship energy. Then the anxious partner keeps wanting to soak up all the love their can and give so much. Meanwhile the avoidant person see's this tsunami of love and need, and then they sometimes shut down, put up walls, wait till the wave passes. The anxious person gets frustrated, retreats for a while. The avoidant person comes out of their shell, starts loving 10% or some fraction of the anxious person back, the anxious person see's this, runs towards them with 1000% love again because they feel some love and want it all, and the cycle repeats. 

 

Having your needs met is so important in a relationship. But when you say I am clingy and want to be less clingy, all I want you to know is, "You are beautiful as you are. It is good to self reflect and to work on being a better person, better partner, and have better relationship habits. But overall, there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect just as you are." 

 

Hugs.  

[ILoveChimmy27]

You mention you are clingy, sometimes anxious people come across that way. 

 

Some people can handle that, some people can't. Being able to self-soothe is important. 

Especially not getting frustrated when people just talked with you and the next day you are mad at them for 

not talking with you already. (I was guilty of this).

 

But sometimes anxious people get called needy. And that now makes me mad, because we have needs, and sometimes they arent being met 

and then we are told its our fault for having those needs. (Whether thats quality time, or touch, or whatever else.)

So its important to find someone who loves and accepts you for you and embraces that. And its likely when your needs

are being met, then you won't have as many problems because your clingy/anxious mind calms down and feels safe. 

 

Anxious people have a lot of love to give. They want a lot of love in return. Their minds race (like mine does), and i think thing very fast sometimes

and are very sensitive to their environment. Sometimes their observations are spot on, and its neglect, other times every small missed opportunity

for love feels like a crime committed against the soul, and that is what we as people need to rein in so 

we do not lash out at our good partners in return. 

 

The other point i wanted to make is, there are about 3 attachment styles in relationships. 

Anxious (clings/needs lots of love / gives lots of love), stable (balanced and steady), and avoidants (afraid of too much love or if they feel betrayed they close up.)

 

Relationships between anxious and avoidants have this terrible jojo effect. The 1st year is great due to new relationship energy. Then the anxious partner keeps wanting to soak up all the love their can and give so much. Meanwhile the avoidant person see's this tsunami of love and need, and then they sometimes shut down, put up walls, wait till the wave passes. The anxious person gets frustrated, retreats for a while. The avoidant person comes out of their shell, starts loving 10% or some fraction of the anxious person back, the anxious person see's this, runs towards them with 1000% love again because they feel some love and want it all, and the cycle repeats. 

 

Having your needs met is so important in a relationship. But when you say I am clingy and want to be less clingy, all I want you to know is, "You are beautiful as you are. It is good to self reflect and to work on being a better person, better partner, and have better relationship habits. But overall, there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect just as you are." 

 

Hugs.  

This accurately describes my life. 

 

Thank you <3

[Vampiress]

You mention you are clingy, sometimes anxious people come across that way. 

 

Some people can handle that, some people can't. Being able to self-soothe is important. 

Especially not getting frustrated when people just talked with you and the next day you are mad at them for 

not talking with you already. (I was guilty of this).

 

But sometimes anxious people get called needy. And that now makes me mad, because we have needs, and sometimes they arent being met 

and then we are told its our fault for having those needs. (Whether thats quality time, or touch, or whatever else.)

So its important to find someone who loves and accepts you for you and embraces that. And its likely when your needs

are being met, then you won't have as many problems because your clingy/anxious mind calms down and feels safe. 

 

Anxious people have a lot of love to give. They want a lot of love in return. Their minds race (like mine does), and i think thing very fast sometimes

and are very sensitive to their environment. Sometimes their observations are spot on, and its neglect, other times every small missed opportunity

for love feels like a crime committed against the soul, and that is what we as people need to rein in so 

we do not lash out at our good partners in return. 

 

The other point i wanted to make is, there are about 3 attachment styles in relationships. 

Anxious (clings/needs lots of love / gives lots of love), stable (balanced and steady), and avoidants (afraid of too much love or if they feel betrayed they close up.)

 

Relationships between anxious and avoidants have this terrible jojo effect. The 1st year is great due to new relationship energy. Then the anxious partner keeps wanting to soak up all the love their can and give so much. Meanwhile the avoidant person see's this tsunami of love and need, and then they sometimes shut down, put up walls, wait till the wave passes. The anxious person gets frustrated, retreats for a while. The avoidant person comes out of their shell, starts loving 10% or some fraction of the anxious person back, the anxious person see's this, runs towards them with 1000% love again because they feel some love and want it all, and the cycle repeats. 

 

Having your needs met is so important in a relationship. But when you say I am clingy and want to be less clingy, all I want you to know is, "You are beautiful as you are. It is good to self reflect and to work on being a better person, better partner, and have better relationship habits. But overall, there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect just as you are." 

 

Hugs.

 

Wow this is so accurate. Especially this paragraph:

Anxious people have a lot of love to give. They want a lot of love in return. Their minds race (like mine does), and i think thing very fast sometimes

and are very sensitive to their environment. Sometimes their observations are spot on, and its neglect, other times every small missed opportunity

for love feels like a crime committed against the soul, and that is what we as people need to rein in so 

we do not lash out at our good partners in return.

 

I think that's what I struggle with most. I feel like I have a ton of love to give and I want it back and anytime it feels lacking it hurts a lot more than it might for most other people. I try really hard to not let this affect my relationship or partner but I will sometimes not be able to talk myself out of it and I get really depressed, anxious, and full of self-doubt.