New Little Needs Advice Pretty Pleeeeeeeeese!!!!!

[Lilith-Lynn-Lupin]

Hello and thank you in advance for taking the time to read this. I hope I make sense. I am very new, I just realized I am a little possibly middle, I need more research. I would say my age ranges from 5 to 9. This may seem like a weird question but I can’t be the only person with this issue. I am married, and because I just learned about this community, my husband is not a care giver, nor a daddy dom. We have been together for 5 years married for 3. He did not sign up to have a little for a wife. While he does not make fun of my little tendencies, he has made comments about how childish I can be. How he hasn’t figured it out is beyond me. If you come home to find your wife with stuffed animals, coloring in a coloring book, eating m&ms and watching Disney Sing Alongs; you might think he would have an inkling. He just accepts that I am eccentric and goes on about his business. My question is how do I broach the subject? What if he does not want to try to be a Daddy I need? Will I have to be alone in my little world? Please please share your wisdom and advice. Thank you for your time.

[Guest DemureBelle]

Hi. You are right that you are not alone in this issue, a lot of people struggle with introducing their partner to the ddlg community and there are a lot of useful tips on this forum to help you. However, I would like to say that just because you may display your middle tendencies does not necessarily mean he should be able to figure it out. He may not be aware or has never been exposed to the ddlg lifestyle and that's why it is important that you communicate with your husband. Talk to him, and help him understand what it means to you being a 'middle', what you want from him. It is not necessary that he will understand at first, and so I might suggest exploring the forum, learn together and see if he is ok with it. If he does not wish to be a daddy, then that is his choice. You then have to ask yourself, will you be ok with that? 

[Guest Relentlessoptimist]

I recently reconnected w my dom energy that I've supressed for over 10 years because I was scared of hurting other by feeling like what I now understand to be dom.

 

My wife.didnt know that about me, but she was previously somewhat interested in bdsm. I recently started broaching the subject of that I want to introduce D/s in our lives and as we try to work on our marriage, she said she'd consider it but it wasn't a priority at this time.

 

If you want, start by telling him about bdsm and how you want to introduce a D/s dynamic into your relationship.and see hoe he responds.

 

Then after tell him that you are into age play, sexual or non sexual, and see if he can understand that this is a bigger part of you, not just a one off kink you want to explore.

 

Some people will grow and adapt to this. Others might reject you for being into ddlg.

 

But the truth is, deep down this is who you are. It would make you very happy to have this need fulfilled. And until you ask or fight for this part of you, thenautomatic answer is no. And you have to decide, can you live without it, or would it make you sad not living like this.

 

I recently started exploring being a daddy with a friend, and its like I'm a different person. Some days I'm sweet, some days I'm a primal dom and its intoxicating for me and her. Deep down this is who we are, and now the thought of living without this side of us makes us sad.

 

I believe, some people have kinks they want to try or that they like.

 

But for many people like us, this is a lifestyle that we want to live and breathe and without it, long term many of us would be sad. So you have to risk it and see if your current partner can grow to like it, and overcome and teach them that this is about adults acting like little girls, not a kink that sexualizes minors.

 

And if they reject you, and you dont want to stay in this relationship, then eventually you may choose to leave which is scary. But, when you find w partner that lights up your world with a thousand colors, you'll wonder why you were ever okay with just having grey in your life to paint with.

 

Your husband may be a good guy, but it's too bad that he makes fun of you for the more childlike behavior and things you want in your life that make you happy.

 

My wife technically may like D/s, but I could never accept her as a dominant because she has had low or high grade negative things that she done in our relationship. While I've tried to lift her up, sometimes shes torn me down in a bad way. And if I can't be her dominant and lead in the relationship, I don't think I will want to stay.

 

So consider, until you ask, are you okay with default safe choice being grey in your life, or are you willing to risk more to have way more color and joy in your life.

[Guest Relentlessoptimist]

Also, I didn't realize ddlg or this community really existed until a month ago and I'm 36. It wont click in peoples minds because they have no frame work for adults wanting to be dominant/submissive or into ddlg because at most, people saw some porn and thought it was a weird one time kink, not an energy and need deep in your body that you need fulfilled. So don't blame him for not making the connection.

[Lilith-Lynn-Lupin]

DemureBelle you are right he has not been exposed to the ddlg lifestyle. I was not trying to belittle him in anyway. We both work hard and share household responsibilities. He is kind and loves me and all of my crazy. I am just scared this is the "crazy" that will ruin us. Again not that this is crazy I am loving being middle. It is not much of a change for me. I just don't feel like a weirdo when I am playing. I know that I am not weird and that there are many little girls like me. It is comforting to know that you are not alone. Thank you foryour advice and if you have anymore please send me a friend request and let's chat. Thank you for your time. 

[Little kaiya]

Your situation certainly isn't easy but it also isn't unheard of to be honest.

 

I had a similar experience but not quite the same but it turned out well for us so I'll share it to offer some positive hope.

 

Before getting married I told my Wife I liked diaper play and stuffies. She was fine with it and although she would participate it certainly was not a big interest for her.

 

Fast forward to 2 years ago where I met the man who is now my Daddy and boyfriend and to become my husband. When I told my Wife and explained she was very understanding and supported me in exploring the relationship with my Daddy.

 

We never planned to be in a polyamorous relationship but we are and it's been 2 wonderful tears with hopefully many more to go.

 

How do you broach potentially hard conversations? My experience has been with calm confidence at a quiet time where all parties are open to the conversation. Be ready to answer questions and explain what you're communicating using different approaches.

 

If after the conversation he still doesn't want to be your Cg then you still have options though they may or may not work for you both.

 

Options:

1. You both agree to you finding an intimate CG outside of your marriage

2. You both agree to you finding a platonic CG, if that's a thing for you as it isn't for some littles

3. You stay in your marriage and have little time alone

4. You both agree to you having little friends but not a CG

5. You leave your marriage and look for a DDlg relationship

 

I dont advocate for any particular option as you and your spouse are the only ones who truly know your life.

[Lilith-Lynn-Lupin]

Little kaiya thank you so much for your response. I appreciate your advice. Thank you as well Relentlessoptimist. 

[junebug0325]

Hi there,

 

Sorry to hear about your tough situation. Surprisingly, a lot of people on this site have either the same or similar issues, so it isn't unheard of to have a domestic partner that you are involved with or that is your spouse that has not been introduced into the lifestyle.

 

Most of the time, a lot of people are introduced to bdsm or ddlg at a very late age or some are not introduced to it at all. You shouldn't expect your partner to know or "have an inkling" because if he isn't familiar with the lifestyle and you've never talked about it with him, then there's no way for him to suspect that you are a little/middle.

 

I think the best way for you to talk about it with him is to bring up maybe the importance that coloring, stuffed animals, etc mean to you. For example, they help you relax or feel safe. If you bring it up as a conversation starter that way, it might be easier to transition into the ddlg aspect of things. There can be many ways that you go about things but that's how I would probably approach the conversation.

 

If you feel that you need a CG involved in your life, tell him. You can both agree to have a CG outside of your marriage, or if he expresses interests in being a CG, then you can help him learn more about it. But, don't expect him to automatically want to become a CG, especially when he is just learning about the lifestyle for the first time. It can be really overwhelming for someone so don't expect him to be keen to the idea right away. It might take some time for him to adjust.

 

I wish you the best of luck!

 

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

[Honeydadddy]

Accepting 'new' parts about ourselves is always an exciting and difficult journey.  Exciting because we find new ways to express the things that are inside of us and difficult because they require work to connect this new level of acceptance about ourselves to our everyday lives.  Whether we are learning new things about 'who we are' or accepting the parts that we've always 'known are there,' the process of deeper self-discovery is among the best parts of being a human in my opinion.  Nearly ALL long-term adult relationships go through many changes in the relationship dynamic between the people involved.  This happens because humans are not static beings, we are energetic and this means that how we choose to manifest who we are changes as we get older and have more access to information or more bravery to accept a more complete (but often less conventional or 'socially accepted') version of ourselves.  Fulfilling, lasting relationships find ways to evolve together over time, but this often requires A LOT of communication. It can be difficult to find the tools for communicating about our adapting needs and desires in a relationship, especially in dynamics like ddlg where there isn't a lot of good information out there, and for some, still carries a stigma.  It is can be especially difficult in long-term relationships because it is really hard to describe how and why our needs have changed to a person that has been committed and come to love us for 'who we were' (not necessarily who we have become), and it is really scary to ask a partner to adapt to meet our 'new' needs.  Sometimes we think that if we just start dropping hints that our partners will notice and make the adaptations on their own, but this rarely happens.  Frequently long-term partners have to be told things directly, but it's often hard to find the words to explain our evolving needs because we are so caught up in our own experience.  You might consider seeking out a therapist that can help you sort through your evolving needs and help you assemble an effective way to introduce this conversation with your husband.  Consider that getting a set of communication tools for talking about about the lg/middle side of yourself will help you for your whole life.  Often, when we have people in our lives who love us all of crazy (as your husband does), they surprise us when we talk with them openly about our evolving understanding of our identities and invite them on the journey with us.  This kind of communication and unconditional acceptance can be among the most fulfilling elements in a relationship.  Wishing you hope, courage, and love in your journey. :-)

Edited December 27, 2019 by Honeydadddy

[Wikkd]

I myself have just recently found the ddlg community. Before I was just seen as eccentric and by some a little crazy. My advice is embrace you for who you are and explain it to your husband simply, but don't expect or demand him to be a daddy. He may be a daddy himself and not know it or he may just accept you for who you are. I wish you the best of luck. Keep exploring yourself and find out all about your little self.

[AgeOfSilence413]

I'm sorry you feel that way...I recently backtracked in my relationship with my boyfriend to a more "normal" one. I believed that he was happy making sure I was happy, but I don't believe he's a daddy, just a boyfriend who wants to make me happy. I didn't want to push him into anything, so we're trying this out. 

 

In my experience (since this is a recent development), I am a little unhappy right now...which I'm sure you are too. But you don't necessarily have to be a little and have to have a daddy. I'm trying to find new little friends, and the couple I come across make me feel a lot happier in little pace. 

 

I'm not sure what you should do from this point on in lieu of bringing this up to your husband--but the only suggestion I can give you is to try and find some little friends that make you feel happy and safe!!! It will make this process a lot easier. <3 

[Lilith-Lynn-Lupin]

HoneyDaddy thank you for insightful comment. Littleemfrosty and Ageofsilence413 thank you ofr you little perspectives. I am more thankful that you know. I have asked a wonderful Dom from here to assist me in figuring out how to tell him. He has also agreed to help my husband should he be interested in being my Daddy. I feel so happy with all the support I have received, and the non judgement. Thank you all again for your time and attention. I am truly thankful!!

[Davy0682]

hello

[Guest DaddyFrozen]

touchy topic, most of the times this happens when one partner realizes that they are a little/CG and the other doesn't understand / gets freaked out. but how does someone move away from their loving partner because they cannot accept something (funnily most ppl consider DDlg/CGl as taboo even in the BDSM world).

 

good luck and hoping your partner accepts you as who you are and you both find happiness