Hiding pacis

[yellow_teddy_bear]

Hello, I'm new here, but I'm not new to the community. My boyfriend and I have had a really nice DDlg relationship. He really takes care of me and always baby talks me and helps me get in my little space with stuffies, hot chocolate, etc., but he draws the lines at pacifiers and beyond. I understand though. He always grew up around babies and pacifiers just hit too close to home for him. He can't see himself grabbing a paci without associating it with actual children, so that's where his limit is. I try to respect that by never bringing it up, but my desire for pacifiers never went away, so I have a secret stash. When he is at work or just out and about, I take out my pacifier and it makes me happy. I even started following adult pacifier shops on social media and posting about my pacis on a secret account because it just makes me so very happy. I really don't want to involve him in something he's not comfortable in. Is it ok that I'm keeping this to myself?

[samkittyluvsu]

Hiya!

     I am writing you back regarding this post as a little who adores her pacis, sippy cups, and bottles! Honestly, when my Daddy and I first got into a serious BDSM dynamic, we discussed our hard limits. You always should share ground rules, or things you would/wouldn't find interest in sexually as a mutual part of a relationship. My Daddy has never been into pacifiers, diapers, or bottles. With this being said, it doesn't mean that he doesn't accept the fact that items like this allow me to regress or that he doesn't support me in my decisions. When he is gaming at times, I will cuddle up to him with my pacifier, or he will get me a warm bottle of milk to drink while I watch or play with him.

     When we first talked about his interests, and I found that he didn't like pacifiers, I felt a bit uncomfortable even bringing them around him; I also, in a way, felt a need to hide that part of myself. What I soon discovered was that my fear was within my mind, as he didn't mind me sucking pacifiers in my spare time, he didn't want to do anything with me sexually while I was sucking them, because for him he felt uncomfortable. To get past my apprehension, I told him that I was feeling uncomfortable about these things and explained to him why they were so important to me, after that he relieved my anxiety by telling me that I shouldn't feel that way whatsoever. Slowly but surely, this part of my little self soon became a more significant part of our relationship, and with his comfortability came a liking to things such as pacifier gags and things of that nature

     Regardless, most people that find themselves at a hard limit will not go past that and should not be forced to do so. This is a crucial part of any BDSM relationship or relationship in general. Maybe it's time to have a sit-down conversation with your Daddy about this part of yourself. If you're in a DDLG relationship, he should be familiar with these aspects of littles in a more casual manner. In any relationship, you shouldn't feel the need to hide things. If he is uncomfortable with you just merely sucking pacifiers, it's important not to force that upon him, maybe enjoy these parts of your little side before bedtime or whenever you find yourself alone. I think that if he is serious about your relationship, he will be understanding, and in this case, you also shouldn't have to hide your pacifiers any longer. I hope that this in some way helped you or allowed you to ease your mind.   

[Guest Looby-Lou]

...He can't see himself grabbing a paci without associating it with actual children, so that's where his limit is. I try to respect that by never bringing it up, but my desire for pacifiers never went away, so I have a secret stash. When he is at work or just out and about, I take out my pacifier and it makes me happy. I even started following adult pacifier shops on social media and posting about my pacis on a secret account because it just makes me so very happy. I really don't want to involve him in something he's not comfortable in. Is it ok that I'm keeping this to myself?

 

Is it possible there's a misunderstanding here? Maybe he simply doesn't want to be involved with your use of pacifiers, but wouldn't mind you using them on your own. 

 

No, I don't think it's ok to continue with this in a secret way. That's just my opinion. If YOU feel ok with it, then carry on. 

 

I think secrets like that are damaging in the long run. He might find out and then feel hurt that you didn't confide in him, or yes he might be horrified and feel that you should have talked to him about it - especially because you know he does have a strong response to the subject. 

 

I hope you'll find that he's ok with you using them on your own, so that you can have your comfort/pleasure that way. In time he might start to associate the pacis with you and not with his upbringing

 

Given that they're so important to you, I hope he can accommodate this, but you might have to accept that he can't.

 

I've used pacis with vanilla guys, and they just thought it was cute, so you never know!

 

Good luck.

Looby