Antm

[Guest Moosebaby142]

Owo Edited March 22, 2020 by Moosebaby142

[Guest Relentlessoptimist]

Hey hun, is there anybody we can contact, family, friend, anyone that you know and are comfortable with?

We are here to help you. You are worthy, and people will love you. There is so much good that you need to learn about yourself and everyone here will help as best as we can. But right now we need to find you a way away from your abuser. Even if its going to a shelter, or a family friend, or even your parents as much as you don't want to go there. Your parents will do a much better job of protecting you from this monster. So please, reach out to us and let's start working out how to help you get to a safe place so you can heal.

[Guest Moosebaby142]

Just to be clear I am okay, I am not in danger here, just some psychological problems & patterns of emotional abuse are what I’m speaking about. I am feeling a bit better now than when I wrote this. My family is always there for me & i know I can stay with them anytime. I feel very fortunate to have them, but have reasons not to want to be there either. Both places are safe in their own right. I’m just going through a really really tough part in my life, I think getting professional help is the first step I need to take to start understanding why I feel so uncomfortable & displaced no matter where I’m at.

[Guest shaggy]

It's good to know you've gotten at least a little relief by posting here, but you're right in that professional help should be sought if possible. I'm glad you're not in any immediate danger, but in a situation where someone is consistently emotionally abusive, it can be just as -- if not more -- harmful.

 

It is imperative that leaving the situation becomes a goal to work towards. You've made one step in the right direction by opening up, you simply need to keep making positive progress. Even if it's slow, even if it's baby steps, every action you make contributes to the greater whole.

 

You can do it. You are strong.

 

You have a safe place to be with family? That's incredible, and infinitely valuable. You have people that love you with absolute certainty, never lose sight of that. I would begin by being direct and communicating your need to return home. Family can help you with planning out how you're going to go about the moving process and offer support.

 

You're concerned about your stuff, and your pet? If it is possible to move all of your belongings with relative ease (like say, you needn't worry about furniture?), perhaps you can get everything out in one fell swoop; for instance, while he is working. Even if it is not a lot, still enlist a family member for emotional support.

 

Not having a job/license does *not* mean you have nothing going on for yourself (plus, they are things that are achievable - set them goals!).

 

I understand the feeling of worthlessness first-hand, but that is a self-defeating thought. It doesn't reflect the reality of what you have to offer, or what you're capable of. They are only thoughts. You are a unique, irreplaceable person who isn't any less for things others have.

 

It's difficult to do, but I have practiced challenging thoughts like that as they arise in myself. Consider in what ways any individual thought couldn't possibly be true, no matter how much you believe it when you're at a low point.

 

For instance: "You're unlovable"... uhm, fuck no? I was loved, for quite some time, in fact. "You'll never find love" yea... no. I found love already, and I have a long life to live. If it's possible once, why shouldn't it be possible again?

 

I have thought those things, and continue to think those things at times, I'm still healing myself, but this kind of introspection, of examining the negative things you think and offering counterpoints to yourself, has been of some help. Not a magic bullet, but something to consider.

 

Here's another depressive thought that can be contested: you mention having herpes, and believe no one would want you because of that. Well... that's not true. Two thirds of the world population has herpes, including almost half Americans... it's rediculously common. I do recognize that there is a stigma associated with it of course, but there are ways to prevent transmission. Heck, there are people with hiv in relationships with people without the disease.

 

One thing I wanted to touch on: you mention your need for physical affection, of being held... that's not something that's unsolvable. You could consider using a weighted security blanket or similar therapeutic tools to provide a similar sensation.

 

Ultimately, you can do this. You can find someone else. You can have a future with a better partner. It is possible. Even if you do not believe it. Know it.

[Guest DaddyTheLeash]

OP the first step is realizing you need help

That you're worth more

 

https://ncadv.org/get-help

 

Call the hotline, read the FAQs and you'll move from there. You can DM me for career advice if you want.

[Guest Daddy-Tom]

Oh hun... It's been a little while but you can still reach out to me on FB whenever you like, even the middle of the night as I now work night shift again. I'm sorry to see the situation has not really improved...