I left him and he has refused to left me leave

[Guest Lil_moon19]

So i decided to leave my Daddy after having thought about what was happening and talking it through with others but he refused to let me walk away and as much as i like being in his care... he didnt listen and wont listen to me about it... like he said that he's gonna start work on my room at his next month... He lives in the USA and i live in the UK.. I'm expected to move my life there after uni...and another reason to not letting me walk away is because his wife doesnt want to lose me because of him... He has improved in terms of contacting me but....

 

And since its started there has been this guys  who is really sweet and nice and caring and helpful and is such a natural daddy type that i wanna see what happens but i also dont wanna cause so much trouble..... im stuck between a rock and a hard place 

Edited December 17, 2019 by Lil_moon19

[AttendingBear]

Leaving your home country is a big choice, especially for someone. 

 

If you feel pressured you need to step back, tell him you feel pressured and it's not healthy. 

 

On the other hand, if you have asked him to leave you be, and he isn't - that's not okay, especially with trying to get you to move across the world for him. You want a relationship that has respect. 

[Guest Daddy B]

Let me start by saying that I am sorry that it didn't work for you and your first Daddy. From reading it looks like you have put a lot of careful thought into your decision to move on which is not an easy thing. If he is not listening to you regarding this matter then it is a bad thing on his part. It can be difficult parting ways with a partner but if you are already at that point there will not be any happiness for you to stay just to make others happy. You should be happy also in what ever relationship you are in. In regards to the new guy you have been talking with I would suggest talking to him more and see what may come of that since you would not be happy in my opinion staying in this other relation. Which ever path you choose I wish you the best of luck and truly hope you can find that happiness again. 

 

P.S. 

You are in a great community here for support and friends so just lean on those close friends. They can help make this time of separation easier to bare while transitioning into your new path 

[Little kaiya]

Nobody can make you do something you dont want to do and the fact he is ignoring your decision is a HUGE red flag in my opinion.

 

If he is engaging in the behaviour you describe that's not healthy it's actually in fact creepy and borders on stalkerish.

 

Take care of yourself and please be sure to put your wellbeing and safety first.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

Your (ex)Daddy can’t stop you walking away, and it might even come in handy that you’re in different countries. 

He can’t make you reply to emails, answer the phone, or send text messages etc. If you’ve ended things and you don’t want to be in contact with him, and he’s ignoring this, then perhaps you should consider blocking him. At the very least just don’t reply to any of his messages or other contact.

 

BUT if you’re still discussing things with him, then frankly I think it’s fair enough that he’s not let go. If he thinks there’s still a chance then perhaps he’s trying to encourage you to stay. 

Please be sure of what you want, and be sure you’re not sending out mixed messages.

 

You say you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. That makes me think you’re confused about what you want. If you’ve really ended the previous relationship then why do you feel stuck? if you're confused, then tell both guys that you're confused!

 

I’d also recommend that you’re cautious about beginning a new relationship at this point. It’s very easy for someone new to seem attractive when we’ve just been going through problems in an existing or recently ended relationship. 

Maybe this new man is indeed going to be your next Daddy, and that’s wonderful! But please, take time to clear your mind, get used to not being with your previous Daddy, and just be you.

 

I hope it all works out happily

 

Looby   

[SmolAetherr]

if you dont want to be with him and he wont accept that then cut contact, wish him a good life and move on, block him if you need to

[Guest Sunshinekitty]

and another reason to not letting me walk away is because his wife doesnt want to lose me because of him... He has improved in terms of contacting me but....

I figured out quotes!

 

Ok, so, he doesn't own you. Let me restate that. Daddies DO NOT own you (unless you're also doing the slave bit, but that's something else entirely, and that's consensual, and once you say no--consent ends, and the contract ends).

 

But the really HUGE question mark in this is his wife. Are you in a relationship with her, too? Do you consider her your mommy or just a friend who is also married to your (soon-to-be) ex?

 

And then there's big red flag--you moving to another country where you don't know anyone else and putting yourself in the power of someone you're clearly not wanting to be with any more.

 

Consent is a big deal in relationships and so are boundaries. If he can't respect the boundary that you've placed in saying you're over, what do you think it would be like to continue the relationship? He doesn't respect your wishes. He doesn't care that his contact is hurting you. And he is clearly selfish about what he demands from you as far as continuing a relationship. In order to feel little, two things must happen. There must be safety and trust. Ask yourself whether or not continuing to let him have his way is going to make you feel either--and if you've already found someone better, you might want to ask yourself why you're entertaining being with him if you feel stuck in this other situation.

 

I suspect you know what you want to do next. I am positive you know what's right for you. But here is a thought experiment to help you out:

 

Close your eyes and imagine how you feel staying with the Daddy in the US and his wife--explore all those feelings that you have, and then open your eyes and immediately write down how you feel in that situation.

 

Close your eyes again, imagining what it would be like to be with new Daddy--explore all those feelings and write them on a separate piece of paper.

 

Then read both pieces of paper to yourself and decide how you want to feel in the future. It's really that simple.

[Big_daddy]

It sounds like you probably need to block him.  Block him on your phone number and any apps you guys have communicated on.  Even email, if you've done that.

The way he is ignoring and denying the fact you told him you're done with him is very suspect and not good at all; it's actually dangerous for you.  If you continue talking with him I am confident he will start to emotionally abusing you, so you shouldn't go on any path that leads to that.

Don't even try talking to him again to try to "sort things out" or "make things clear for him" or "end on a good note."  He has ruined that opportunity.

Block his wife, too.

 

You say you found another guy.  He sounds much better than the first, so I would talk to the new guy and move on from the other dude and his wife.

 

You'll be fine, if you have any questions feel free to ask me. 

Edited December 18, 2019 by Big_daddy

[Guest Looby-Lou]

 

Don't even try talking to him again to try to "sort things out" or "make things clear for him" or "end on a good note."  He has ruined that opportunity.

 

 

I think this is a very strong point that lots of us should remember in our own situations. When you're a "pleaser" or "peacemaker" it's very tempting to want to sort things out, make things clear, and end on a good note! 

9 times out of 10 that just leads to more interaction with the person, more emotional confusion, and NOT getting things clear or sorted.

 

Looby 

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

You are a full country away. He can spend all the money he wants, you have already told him you don't want to be with him. So, if he goes ahead and spends hundreds and thousands of dollars that would be his bad decision. The fact that he hasn't even started it yet is an empty promise to hold you. Don't let a nonexistent little room decide your future.

 

You mentioned he isn't the best at keeping in contact with you, yet he uses his wife's desires to try swaying your decision? How much contact do you have with his wife? He's suppose to be a Daddy. He shouldn't be the bonus deal in the relationship because his wife is more attentive than he has been all this time. You shouldn't even feed into the obligation of staying to keep her happy. I am going to guess that adding his wife's feelings is another manipulation tactic, like the little room.

 

He is holding very high expectations for you to move from your country and only offering you the shaky offer of a cute bedroom, iffy communication whenever he gets the time, and the affection of his wife? You will need to be careful with this decision it sounds dangerous. Been in a similar situation before, I suggest you not feed into this. Stop communicating now before you end up stranded in a country other than your own.

Edited December 18, 2019 by Batty

[Guest Lil_moon19]

I know you've all said that it's not good... and i am confused about where my current daddy and i are good for each other..-emotionally confused.. The L word has been used prior to the issues and i feel the L word for him... And maybe that's my problem i L word him so i can't see the red flags.. And it makes me really sad that i have to think about leaving him... but yes im terrified at the thought of moving to the USA not because i don't know anyone but because its america and well they have issues... im terrified of getting there and it not working and having nowhere to go... but im also scared to not be with him cus he has been a big part of my life..    

 

I get overly attached easily due to my past which is on me.. 

My current daddy suggests a break from us which i dont know how to make of it...

[Guest Lil_moon19]

I have ended it and blocking him 

[Guest Looby-Lou]

I've just noticed that you joined here Dec 7th and started a discussion thread that same day, because "me and my Daddy haven't spoken much recently."

And on that same day you also posted an ad in the Personals on here, looking for a Daddy.

 

And now you're posting with worries about Daddy 1 (my term) and also mentioning possible Daddy 2 (again, my term).

 

I find all of this very very worrying.

Please - for your own sake and that of the other people involved - STOP and think about who you are, what you want, and what you can offer.

It sounds to me as if you're very confused about all those things and maybe not ready for a relationship at the moment.

 

I don't mean that unkindly. I'm very needy myself and it can cloud my judgement. Just please, take some time to think about things, to look after yourself, and to be clear before you continue your current relationship or start a new one.

 

Wishing you all the best,

Looby 

[Guest Lil_moon19]

I've just noticed that you joined here Dec 7th and started a discussion thread that same day, because "me and my Daddy haven't spoken much recently."

And on that same day you also posted an ad in the Personals on here, looking for a Daddy.

 

And now you're posting with worries about Daddy 1 (my term) and also mentioning possible Daddy 2 (again, my term).

 

I find all of this very very worrying.

Please - for your own sake and that of the other people involved - STOP and think about who you are, what you want, and what you can offer.

It sounds to me as if you're very confused about all those things and maybe not ready for a relationship at the moment.

 

I don't mean that unkindly. I'm very needy myself and it can cloud my judgement. Just please, take some time to think about things, to look after yourself, and to be clear before you continue your current relationship or start a new one.

 

Wishing you all the best,

Looby 

 

Hi Looby 

I had an account previously to this one which i was made to delete by my now definitely ex daddy. I am going to take time out and having no daddy for a while so i can figure me out. I am confused but also relieved that i have removed myself from the relationship. The guy I've been speaking to is very understanding about it all and knows whats gonna happen.

 

I have also removed my ad

 

Also thank you for helping me xx

 

Edited December 18, 2019 by Lil_moon19

[Guest Looby-Lou]

You've been having a confusing time, and sometimes even when we know what's best it's sooooo hard to do it.

Well done for looking after yourself!

I hope everything works out happily for you, and people here are always willing to offer gentle support when needed.

 

Looby 

[Ebony Fruit Bat]

I hope you get the time you need to heal adult and little you. A break is a great idea. Focus on being kind to yourself and achieving some personal goals. You are worthy of love and deserve happiness.