etiquette/rules/morals daddies follow

[oreos853]

i feel like my daddy is extremely mean to me in a lot of ways but in a normal relationship i would just be called sensitive.

what are rules and stuff you guys follow? i read something that someone said, that the littles comfort always comes first and i don’t get treated like this at all or in a lot of ways that daddies on here act like they are.

help me feel valid or help me stop crying about how im treated. i can’t keep being little and vulnerable and weak anymore and getting my feelings hurt cuz i feel he treats me big when there’s a problem we are dealing with. im 4 if that matters

[Guest Prat]

I don't really understand your post but I think if you're asking about whether or not Daddies set rules for themselves or not, I can't speak for all of Daddies but I can say that I do set rules for myself that I follow, unspoken, just kinda there.

[Guest Looby-Lou]

If you're being treated badly, then please be careful and consider if you should stay in this relationship.

 

 

... i can’t keep being little and vulnerable and weak anymore and getting my feelings hurt cuz i feel he treats me big when there’s a problem we are dealing with. im 4 if that matters

 

 

But if you're upset because "he treats me big when there's a problem" then maybe you need to reconsider. You're not 4. You're an adult woman. Maybe you need to have a chat with your partner when you're both calm and ADULT.

 

A problem is not the same as bratty behaviour being punished by Daddy. 

When there's a genuine problem IMO it's best dealt with adult:adult not little:big.

 

It's your relationship, and we don't have the details, I'm just going on what you've said. If you can't come out of little-space to deal with problems, then IMO that's a problem in itself.

 

Looby 

[D&Daddy]

What Looby said was my first impression upon reading that post too. We don't know enough about the situation to tell you if what you're experiencing and expecting are reasonable or red flags or anything like that. If he's treating you in a way that you don't want to be treated you need to talk to him about that as an adult and if there isn't a resolution you're happy with you need to think about if your relationship is what you want.

 

But if there's an actual problem that needs dealing with I would expect my partner to deal with it alongside me, as an adult, and not hide from it or treat it as a little would. It's still a relationship between two adults at the end of the day.

[Wikkd]

Daddies should hold themselves to higher standards. Your post concerns me and my daddy.

[junebug0325]

So, I'm not really sure what this post is actually asking, so I'm going to try to reply in the best way I can without actually having any specific details.

 

If you are actually worried about your Daddy being mean to you more than "other Daddys on this site", then first you need to first stop comparing the relationship to other littles and Daddies on this site and really have a sit down conversation with him and address the problem.

 

Secondly, if you don't like the way he "treats you big" when you there's a problem, then you definately need to reconsider your place in this relationship, or really any relationship at all. Even though you are little, when there are problems, the healthy thing to do is have an honest, mature disccusion to work them out. If you aren't capable of this, then you really shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

 

Yes, there are times when you can solve problems in your little space but there are also times that you need to be an adult and have adult conversations, especially when they are serious enough to warrant them.

 

Sorry if this post sounds mean but it's just the truth. If you are not mature enough to have mature conversations then you shouldn't be in a relationship that requires this much maturity and open dialogue. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Junebug xxx

[The RealDaddyCat]

You know for anybody to be worthy to be your daddy they need to hold themselves of a high standard. They should actually never make fun of you belittle you or harm you in any way shape or form that is damaging to you and your mental health. To me it sounds like this person is not a daddy.

[Guest Relentlessoptimist]

The following are my best opinion and understanding of daddy dom / little / D/s relationships. Take the best of these ideas and w the understanding of the loving intent they are meant to present.

 

Daddy doms are a subset of doms and submissives (to a degree).

 

Daddy doms and their littles or middles are in a relationship style that should be more nurturing rather than harsh or as controlling as a regular D/s relationship. That being said, here are some characteristics of these types of relationships.

 

1) It is a partial power exchange sometimes, either in the bedroom or in the relationship. The daddy dom takes on more responsibility to lead and guide in the relationship. The little one agrees to be taken care of and to try to listen.

 

2) Like all D/s relationships, people should have good intent. If someone actively treats you badly and you didnt agree that to be part of your relationship, then that is more abuse than a D/s standard in a relationship.

 

3) Things are negotiated between doms and subs/littles. Your daddy can propose something, or you both can (depending on your dynamic). After the daddy or dom proposes something, the little can agree to it or choose not to agree to it. Also, regardless of your dynamic, there generally has to be a right for the submissive/little to be able to speak up sometime about their needs, feelings, wants, etc. It cant just be a one sided set of orders unless there is a total power exchange which removes all agency from that person which is a very extreme and likely problematic relationship style.

 

Also, the submissive should not have rules enforced that affect the mental health, well, being safety and things like that. A dom cant control a subs bathroom habits and then not be available to give permission or choose not to give that permission after a reasonable amount of time or be completely unavailable and still expect the sub to follow that rule. There have to be exceptions.

 

Things can and should be renegotiated. New things added, things amended or removed. Nothing is set in stone if both parties dont continue to agree/give their consent to it.

 

4) Sexuality and being a little / middle. Regardless of what the dom wants, the little/middle has a right to say no any sexual play when they are in little or middle space. This is something agreed to by both parties. And if it's an issue then find someone else. Some people becomes extremely vulnerable in little space and it can cause relationship and mental trauma to have that trust be abused.

 

5) Daddy doms being a more nurturing dom, are expected to (depending on how you design your relationship), be often more nurturing. Give rules that the little agrees to (giving consent to). They can set expectations. There can be punishments (again agreed to, for the purpose of correcting behavior). There could and should be a reward system or an intent to reward good behavior. If people can get punished, they should also be rewarded.

 

Having an understanding of the little love language and meeting their needs is important. So words of affirmation/praise, touch, acts of service, etc.

 

Overall, the good daddy doms are in your life to budge you towards good life choices, help guide your life and love you as best as they can.

 

6) Littles are often people that want more emotionally nurturing relationships. They should be open to guidance, rules, punishments, and the good will and intent of positive leadership by their daddy dom. They should also stand up for themselves and accept or negotiate things. If you dont accept something, it's not allowed. You dont accept abuse, and you dont abuse your dom either. You are likely as a little to be more loving, to go in a different head space. And it's important to set rules ahead of time before you enter this space that the dom agrees to and keeps.

 

7)Also, you will do your best to grow as a person and to also take care of your daddy w love, acts of service and whatever you as a couple build upon. It's a relationship like a tree. There are different branches, they grow, get trimmed, new ones form. It's not a dictatorship on either side, and love and responsibility for filling each others love tank rests on both sides.

 

And as other people have posted, you are still a functioning adult usually. If someone abuses you, don't accept it. Leave if they wont change. Abusive behavior if it isnt part of your kink is not okay. Hta does mean speaking up and pointing out the behavior. And if the behavior repeatedly won't change, then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.

 

8) Littles are usually more often clingy souls that have needs. I think of them big hearts that want to give a hug so big some people consider it the hug of death. That does not make you a bad person. People have different attachment styles (anxious, stable, avoidant).

 

Having needs does not make you be needy. Sometimes that is a sign that your needs arent being met and so you mention it more in the hope that your needs are fulfilled. So you and your dom have to talk.

 

It is also understood that littles/middles are apt to dress, play, talk etc more childishly when in little space. That is part of their culture and need they want to explore and have part or their life. A daddy dom does not have the right to belittle or demean them for that if they agreed for that dynamic to be in the relationship. Daddy doms should be your caretakers, not to humiliate or emotionally hurt you. That is bullying and is not acceptable. In the same vein, littles cant be endlessly bratty and be uncontrollable. If you are/choose that then your relationship wont last.

 

There is the potential to have multiple relationship styles in the same relationship. Some people are switches, so power and control can shift from one person to another back and forth. Some people are littles, but they may also sometimes want to be treated as submissive or slaves. People have different fetishes, and when agreed to those should be explored.

 

A super important part of consent is outlining what exactly you are or are not okay with. That includes toys, scenes, places where they are okay to be used (I.e. paddles on ass but not face or breasts as an example). It also means having a clear safe word which when used means all play stops. It means checking in w your submissive and asking them or them telling you a version of (green - good to go, yellow - reaching my limit, and red - stop / too far please end the scene. Also, if someone is gagged, or blindfolded, have an alternative thing / way to get the attention to stop play of the dominant. Doms, closely watch your subs and look for signs that they are pushed too far. Also provide lots of aftercare and hopefully foreplay in your relationship.

 

9) Doms or daddy doms want more control. They want more of a leadership position. They should give but also earn respect through their actions. Follow through in their promises. And do their best to guide the relationship to a good place.

 

10) Good communication is key. Set clear expectations. Speak up when appropriate about your needs and wants on both sides. Give love and expect to get love and vice versa. Being selfish is not an excuse.

 

Also, I can be wrong, but I feel like in some cases there may be a higher incidence of people having mental health problems (higher anxiety, bpd, bipolar, etc.) This is just an observation and not intended as a slight. The comment is, you as a person need to take care of your mental health. Through meditation, counseling therapy, exercise, medicine, etc. Your partner cant be the only solutions or the only cause of that. They are also only human and can also become overwhelmed. Remember that praise, being grateful, calling people by their preferred title or way of being address (daddy/good girl), and things like it go a long way of keeping the love in the relationship going.

 

So do your best to be good loving partners and negotiate a beautiful relationship based on your kink, needs, wants, expectations and so on. And seek out people who respect that. Much love to all of you wonderful souls here and thank you for reading.

Edited December 16, 2019 by Relentlessoptimist

[EvieTheOne]

Wonderfully summarised, Relentlessoptimist!! ❤

[Guest QueenJellybean]

moderator note:
moving to Caregiver Cafe.